An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

Over a morning cup

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I sat
People watching
Eves dropping
And savoring
My 4 shot americano
With cream
It's grey
Remnants of fall cling to the brown branches
Christmas tunes fill the space between conversation
My pumpkin scone crumbles
I press the crumbs to form an acceptable sized bite
And just sit
For the little things;
Playful text messages
A hope for snow
Songs of strength
Sung in sincerity
By two pure hearts
With faith
Car rides
And time
Time for coffee
And I took another sip
Whispering my prayers
Of thanksgiving
In my unworthiness
Knowing He is good
I am forgiven
For now

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Forgiven, Loved, Beautiful

Thursday, December 13, 2012

If I could pick just three words
To leave with you
Engraved in bronze, or silver, or gold
These are the three
Meant to be a guide
A reminder
And worn near your heart;

This word means the most
Hold it tight
Live in its truth
Even when it's hard
Be forgiving

You are loved
Incredibly, and Completely
And when my human love fails
HIS heavenly love endures
I love your laugh
Your smile
Your tears
Your drama
Because they are all a part of you
HE made you
And placed you in my arms
You make me better
And I hope you can understand
How full my heart is because of you
Never forget HE loved you first
Love HIM before all others
And you will forever
Be loved

You are beautiful
Radiance glows from your heart
And no matter your age your heart remains the same
It may hurt,
It may feel sad,
But never let it grow cold
There is beauty in everyday
Find it
Be beautiful
Because you are

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Purple and Pumpkin Pancakes

Friday, November 30, 2012

I cradled you face
And kissed the tears away
But the pain
I couldn't kiss away
So I played with your hair
And we watched Tom & Jerry
That's what you are my Charlie girl
So with your purple cast
We ate pumpkin pancakes
And played left-handed tic tak toe
And we'll take each day

For the love of  having two hands, healing, and fun color option for casts,

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It's okay

Thursday, November 29, 2012

There's something about
The lights
The garland
The sound of carols
And an empty stocking holder
She was a present
Wrapped up tightly
And then
In a moment that seemed untimely
She wasn't

But the lights sparkled
The garland was still green
The carolers crooned
It's okay
It didn't hurt
It wasn't sad
It was just a memory
Of something that made me stronger
Helped me grow
And I smiled
As I hung the star in her place
Because its not really empty
It's filled with hope
It's okay
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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I was invited, probably like everyone else who has a .blogspot account, to join a new blogging platform site.  
Before jumping into this unknown world I did some Internet exploring
And happened on this quote- "Linking my accounts and attaching my full name is not the way to achieve authenticity from me at least.  And it’s also a little insulting that they assume your real name is your real identity. It’s the 21st century. We’re all living on the internet. Identity has gotten a lot more complicated."  Posted by handle "Onehandclap" (what does that handle stand for anyway, is it supposed to be ironic?)
Is this real life?
Do people float through life as one person and mascarade as another online?
How can you live authentically if you're lying about something as simple as your name?
Being authentic is 
Saying what you mean
Meaning what you say
Living out loud
In a way that represents your beliefs
Identity is only as complicated as you let it be
And todays culture is way too wrapped up in self-discovery
If only we could lay ourselves down for a second
Understand its not about me,
Seek God
There you'll find 
And Life
Easy for me to see at 30, and something I wish I would have grasped at 15
Its a beautiful lie, that deceit is a great escape, 
You will escape, and before you know it 
You're life is not your own, but belongs to the lie
Tell yourself the truth 
And when you can't,
Be living the kind of authentic life that holds real flesh and blood people
Who will

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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Find what gives life
What renews yours
Learn how to be real
Share what matters
Loose what doesn't
Live with purpose
Walk with conviction
File memories
Laugh, a lot
Take pictures
Hold on, but not too tight
Love, in obvious and quiet ways
Play in the rain
Soak up the sun
Eat well, and indulge a little
Speak, but think first
Be thankful
Loose sleep so you can be there
It's just sleep
Invest in people, not things

Be patient
Take risks
Be brave in The Lord
Choose wisely
Seek God
Be a part of something bigger than yourself 
Do It Well
We get today
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Breaking Dawn, Loosing Sleep and BCS Scores

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Poster

The finale to
My 4 year Twilight indulgence
A source of, questionably-deserved, ridicule
I admit to being 30
And a hopeless romantic
Who's hopelessly in love with her husband
So when he teases
Because he does
I remind him I'm into tall skinny guys
Especially the one I married
And while sparkly vampires and werewolves ARE silly
So is the weekly excitement that accompanies the BCS ranking release
And he laughs at me

Monday was the movie marathon
(1 lifelong friend + 4 movies) x4 children = A day I wouldn't trade for 8 hours of solid sleep
Lost in friendship, and make-believe
Surrounded by the chaos of animal crackers, dolls and markers

Saturday was movie day
(1 lifelong friend + popcorn and coke) - 4 children = Pure enjoyment
I'm not a critic
Generally, I only spend money on movies I think I'll enjoy
I wasn't disappointed
Breaking Dawn was just as I had hoped
And now it's over

So I'll go back to being 30
A hopeless romantic
And forever head-over heels with my own personal version of Edward

For the love of make-believe, romance, Twilight, and friendship,
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Friday, November 16, 2012

From a foggy dream we awake
The mirror reflects our imperfections
We beg for strength 
And whisper words of gratitude

While strapping on invisible armor 
We clothe our bodies 
And ready our hearts

We brace for another day
In an imperfect world
Filled with unseen enemies
And angelic warriors

It's more than just another day
It's a battle for the hearts of men
Salvation belongs to The Lord
The battle is won
We're call to fight

For the love of hope-especially on the heavy days, and fighting the good fight 

"They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because He is the Lord of Lords and King of kings-and with Him will be His called, chosen and faithful followers,". 
-Revelation 17:14
"And there was before me a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True."
-Revelation 19:11b

Come Lord Jesus
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Express yourself

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Eyes squinted
Lips pursed and pouted
Arms crossed hugging his chest
Argumentative words
Head buried
In hands that cup her face
Tears streaming hot across her reddened cheeks
Words spoke in staccato

I may not cross my arms
Or bury my head to cry

Childlike or Grown up
It's about our expression
Learning to cope
There are a lot of grown ups
Who are just, simply

We all have our moments
And that's okay
Instead of looking inside
I need to look UP
And give up
From the inside out
Unfold my spirit of defiance
Cry tears of repentance
with expression
Worthy of the call

For the love of growing up, raising little grown-ups, appropriate self-expression and being more than tall,
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4 letter words

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

His confession came unprompted and unbridled
"Mom, Dad - I've been tempted to say bad words at recess"
We braced
"What words buddy?" we asked
"I can't say them" he replied
"The d-word and the s-word" was all he could bring himself to say
So we braced again
And pushed
"You have to say the words buddy, so we can talk about it" we prompted
With eyes downcast
His lips formed the word
And just above a whisper
He spoke the first four letter word
We held his hands and he gave up the s-word,
Six letters!
Thank Heaven...
Utter relief
My eyes met J's and
I had to stop myself from giggling
I could breathe again
And we talked about it...
How those are words we never use for people
And how God gave us a brain with an incredible capacity to learn and grow our vocabulary and speak life-giving words

For the Love of  innocence, opportunities for conversation, reflection and the capacity to learn and grow to speak life-giving words, always,
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THE Plan

Monday, October 29, 2012

When I was little I made plans;
I planned
What I would be
In vauge beautiful generalizations
A wife
A mom
And Happy
I planned
My family
In specifics that hold no true meaning (except for laughter and butterflies)
The color of  my husband eyes
His features
How he'd make me laugh and feel butterflies
What age I'd be when we said "I do"
How many kids we'd have
And what their unique, but not weird names would be

Llife happened
Pain was never a part of my plan
I didn't factor in my head-strong nature
Or selfishness

I didn't plan on seeking the Lord
He'd just always been there

When I was little
I didn't know my own faith
When life happened
And Sin derailed
I needed Him
I needed forgiveness
A new plan

Grace gave way to trust
And I started to understand
His plan was the Garden
A real-life experiece of community with Him
He knew we'd mess it up
People, we're messy

So He made a new plan
It couldn't be perfect with us in it
There would be pain
But there would be forgiveness
And fulfillment
And hope
And a future...

I am a wife
I'm also a mom
Most of the time I'm happy
Really, truly happy
My husband does have brown eyes as I planned
He still gives me butterflies, eight years after saying I do
And we laugh
I was blessed with two children, not three as planned
And they have great names
None of which came from my middle-school notebook

I'm still head-strong, and selfish
But I'm growing in submission,
Learning to get over myself
And relinquish control
I can't control if my friend has cancer
Or if another is moving half-way across the globe
I couldn't control my miscarriage
Or Ethan's stay in the NICU
I can't control my children's choices
Or keep their heart's from breaking

But I have faith
And forgiveness
My hope is eternity
And while I'm here living my messy life
He listens to my prayers
He cares about what I want
He loves me
He gives me more grace
And He is good

For the Love of less planning, more trust, looking forward to eternity and faith that's real in the middle of this messy life,

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I take in a deep breath
And close my eyes
Wasn't is just yesterday I held you against my chest
In our quiet house
On the green couch
Didn't we just wrestled for control
Itchy tags
Undies and red sweat pants
Weren't you just sitting in the grocery cart
Didn't she just get here and make you sad
Wasn't it last night we were too tired
And when you cried
Because of the monsters
We let you sleep with us

It all seems like yesterday
A blink and the years of cuddles fade into watching you walk yourself into school.
You're mine for only God knows how many blinks.
So I'll do my best
To make meaningful memories
To love you in a way you understand
To guide you
And to hold you with an open hand
God's plan for your life

For the love of being your mom, drinking in the moments, trust for the future, and memories

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Friday, you turned seven
This is what I wrote:

Seven years ago today
It was
wires, tubes
deep breaths
exhaustion, anticipation
Today it's
pancakes, bacon
too much sticky syrup
skipping school
and still

For the love of enduring fleeting temporary pain, watching you grow, skipping school and birthdays,

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My eyes scanned the words
Full of
And Fear disguised as pride and disdain

As my lips formed each name
I watched his heart break
A role call of the lost

Amidst the blinding fog of hostility
How do you shine
"For God, who said 'let light shine out of darkness,' made His light to shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." - 2 Corinthians 4:6

When a cloak of slander threatens to envelope
How do you hope
"'If the world hates you, keep in mind it hated me first...Remember the words I spoke to you; No servant is greater than his master.  If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.'"

As worldly knowledge challenges and confronts
How do you believe
"Now it is required that those given a trust must prove faithful." 1 Corinthians 4:2

And when the darkness of hate clouds the light
How do you love
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

It takes no courage to tear down
Belief in inconsistent worldly truth is still faith
There is no risk in fitting-in

Love builds up
Belief in an unchanging truth is a faith that matters
And the risk of giving yourself wholly to something bigger than you
Is worth it

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

"Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you." 1 John 3:13

"Have I not commanded you, Be strong and courageous, do not be discouraged, do not be terrified for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world."1 John 4:4b

"I have told you these things, so in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

For the love of hope, risking it all, standing in love under persecution, my husband, and FCA

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Have the day you have...

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

His smile, my eyes
My temper, his patience
Puzzle pieces of us that make you all your own
HE put you together
Gave us the privilege
Holding you
Singing together
Pasting, coloring and painting
Watching you grow
Learning from you
Loving you
Running beside you
Laughing because of you
Baking with you
Making mistakes
Hurting for you
Knowing forgiveness
Teaching you
Breathing you in
While you are ours to have
And while we hope the having lasts, there is no amount of time that could ever be too much
So we will love you for you
Continue to make mistakes
And HAVE the days we have

For the love of "The Odd Life of Timothy Green," days filled with each other, mistakes, forgiveness and puzzle pieces of us,

Odd: differing from that which is usual, ordinary or expected
I hope so

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Words of a memory for A.D.R.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Times tables
Sock eraser
And kleenex box friends

Bad perms
Bomb threats
Single file walks
And prayer

Slumber parties
And scary movies

Elf costumes
And dreams in San Diego

Blond streaks and red turned purple
Trendy cuts
Dance moves
And dresses

Locker partners
Cheerleader and jock
First loves
And first heart aches

Falling away
Renewed commitment
And accountability

Grey and Purple
Student IDs
Wildcat games
And husband introduction

Campbell's chicken and rice
Maid of honor
And Fire safety

Trips to the mall
M&M Blizzards
Scripture study
And lifegroup

His first marriage choice
Her first prophecy
And new phases of life

I don't remember every wanting a sister

But for as long as I can remember I've had you
Maybe that's why

For the love of memories made with you A.D.R. (soon to be ADD), new chapters, husbands, adventures and the hope which brings joy of sharing eternity,
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And I thought...

Friday, August 24, 2012

The playlist ceased
The quiet encompassed
Just the sound of friction
Black rubber tires spinning against the hot concrete
And I thought of you
Laughter, banter, snacking, and voices too loud you

Golden arches littered the roadside
And I thought of you
Joy from cheap toys, sipping, and devouring

The pale blue sky stretched
Meeting the dusty earth
Hemmed together with trees
The clouds shifted, a dancing fairy waived her wand unafraid of the fierce dragon
And I thought of you
Colorful imagination, creating, directing, and dress up

The ice cream-peanutbutter cup mixture melted
And I thought of you
Messy chins, napkins, and M&M's

The road turned familiar
Cars outnumbered cows
Grey lanes marked with white and yellow replaced the pale brown fields
My foot fell heavy on the pedal
And I thought of you
My children, my home
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J.Biebs, BFF, And Self-Control

Saturday, August 18, 2012

After a whole 3 hours together
This is the farewell spoken by J.Biebs back-pack friend
"Bye BFF"
Best. Friends. Forever.
I had a self-proclaimed BFF
At 12
We had sleep-overs, played dress-up, make believe, both loved cats, stuffed animals overflowed our rooms and eventually we could be found singing and jumping on the bed to Ace Of Base
But the real proof is the half-heart we each wore
And in case you were wondering yes she's still my friend
18 years, husbands and babies later
But really all C could talk about was how
A certain little boy got his trophy taken down
On the FIRST day of Kindergarten
She then in dramatic detail unfurled the story of how he
It started with refusing to vocalize"'here I am' in the name game"
And ended with screaming "HERE I AM - NO-NO-NO!"
And more "Screaming at Mrs. Dedon!"
Silver lining - C shared how she [and the rest of the class] enjoyed an extra recess
So afore mentioned boy could "cool off"
Then "he went to the principals office"
As far as I can tell C has sat by a different person each day
Trying to get the mix right I'm sure
But she's very proud to have kept her self-control trophy up the last 3 days

For the love of potential BFF's, old friends, self-control trophies, and the detailed recounting of classroom drama,
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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The seed breaks the soil straining for the sun
But the rain never comes
The sun beats down
Wind torments it's fragile body
And it withers
Retreating back to the soil 
But not destroyed
Back to the roots
Where life hides
And living water nourishes
In season it will rise again
And though the sun and wind threaten
The rain will come
The roots will hold fast
And in that season it will bloom

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Monday, August 13, 2012

And Sausage
The breakfast of champions
Another first day of school
This year 1st grade...
Details are not his forte
But his summary made me smile
"It started off perfect and ended perfect"
His high for the day shared at dinner was
"Two recesses"
Lunch was shared with
And they talked about
"What was going on"
His astute observation when asked about new friends was
"It takes a little while to make friends mom, but I did learn a few names"
In start contrast to our simple, factual, sometimes moody son...
Pouty lips graced her beautiful face as we walked home
Required to wait until Wednesday to officially start her school year
"disappointed I don't get to stay all day"
Sister sulked for approximately 1.75 hours
Through crayon labeling
And backpack packing
Until it was Kindergarten conference time
Her turn
It took her all of 2 seconds to make a new "friend" (whose name escapes her) during her brief Kindergarten conference.
FYI I'm not sure how keen I am on the Justin Bieber backpack carrying friend - but hey she's a 2 second let's not jump to conclusions
She's passionate, imaginative and more ready for this first than mom

For the Love of growing up, working through disappointments, new friends, new names, and both perfect beginings and endings,
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The season after spring

Thursday, July 5, 2012

It's busy, and full
Full of
And a little irritation
The kind that comes with lack of routine and increased presence of each other
It's the giggles,
Courage - to try and to be
And capacity for more
That lingers in my mind
Little hands, that are much bigger than they used to be, rest in my palm
While Crossing the street or shopping for groceries
Little hands that now hold pom-poms and baseball bats
And little voices that have real conversations,
And tell me they prayed for me and hope I have a good night while taking care of the sick kids
Cutely-wrong words are seldom spoken
Rather, books are read, aloud and "in heads"
It's not been full of learning, except learning more about each other
And how to be what we need to one another
I've gotten out of the habit of doing laundry because J loves me so well
The house is a place for rest and nourishment between activities and travel
Hamsters, turtles, snakes and cats are easy pets but
Elle misses us dearly,
Or is she just extra loving because she's pinning for a scoop of non-diet food ?

For the Love of long summer days, time, fat-cats, clean laundry, and growing up

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Retributive Justice

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Within this post you find the following truths:
1.Summer maintains very little routine for the G-family
2.We allowed our much less than 13 yr olds take in their first PG-13 flick
3.Movie run time 2 hrs 24 min (9:30-11:54 in the PM)
4.Cavity inducing candy was enjoyed by all, 4 hours post bedtime
Now...You have two options; stop reading or continue without judgment of our parenting skills

Clip of the Avengers

Action figures and superhero gear have cluttered our home since E was 2-ish
Tshirts and pj's are dawned in seasons of varying favorites
Images stitched and pressed on tees incite in-store childish begging, and often...parental surrender
There's been Spiderman, Transformers, Iron Man, Hulk, Star Wars and most recently The Avengers
He knows their powers (or assigns them one he's imagined) 
But not their back story, then again - neither do I
So when previews for The Avengers started to infiltrate our home via commercials
The excited nagging and petition for viewing began
We let our friends and family test it out first before we agreed
C wasn't sure she was into the superhero drama
But E sparked her interest with a little Black Widow enticement
"Oh, yeah she's my favorite" was C's proclamation to the new found female-character knowledge
With a pre-dinner nap, and bellies full of chips and salsa we headed to the IMAX theater for the late night showing
Too full for popcorn dripping with buttery goodness,
But not too full for Hot Tamales, Jr. Mints, and Reese's Pieces
Good guys and Bad guys were identified and updates whispered as the plot progressed
The literal handful of "words our family chooses not to say" went undetected
And the reviews were all raving:
"AWESOME" - Ethan
"OFF.....THE.....HOOK!" - Charlie
Gun fingers were waved, invisible shields thrown and the air karate chopped as we exited the building
Even as their heads hit the pillow E and C couldn't stop talking about it
E's favorite scene "when the Hulk grabs Loki mid-insulting sentence and pounds him back and forth into the concrete" and C piggy backed E's love for the Hulk smash

For the love of  Family movie nights, Reese's pieces, Joy found in the happiness and innocence of  children, and Hulk smash,

Favorite quote "Ma'am, there's only one God, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that"
- Captain America
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Happy Mother's Day

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Without you there would be no mother's day.
We celebrated with acts of service, chocolate cake, happy tears and captured memories set to song.
There is no greater gift than your smiles, tears, frowns, and honesty.
 No matter what state you're in we're in in together,
And you're always a blessing.

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Thursday, May 10, 2012

The countdown starts at 9
Nine weeks
Until triathlon number one
My fist tri-training class was not easy
But I pushed through, and
I did it
Two hours broken down into
30 min swim - 30 min spin - 40 min sprints and drills - 15 min core - cool down
Sleep came more easily than usual
1:00 am brought extreme thirst and need for Ibuprofen
7:00 am brought achy calf and lat muscles
But also the promise that I'm getting stronger, and going to be ready

For the love of swimming, biking, running, motivation and tri-ing,
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Psalm 139:5

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Imagine God taking all the little moments of your life 
Meticulously and purposefully 
He stitches the threads of everyday
Sewing you together 
Each word, 
Every action  
Know before it's spoken, and done.

For the Love of living a life that's been hemmed in by my Creator and Savior,

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A real life kind of friend

Monday, May 7, 2012

Coffee shared amidst laundry piles and breakfast dishes
Make-up optional
And honesty without risk
Carts carrying groceries or Target steals
A second mom to my kids, always on-call
Rummaging through clearance, shopping and saving
Ethnic food Groupons, dinners shared at home too
Talking and texting
Washing dishes and wiping noses
Accessories and heels or gym clothes and Nike's
My sister's in Christ  - Life's better living it with you

For the love of MOPS who brought us together so many years ago, being friends in the mess of life, a belated birthday post, and You MG,
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The joys of days woven together in time
Memories like snapshots of smiles and of tears
Grafted into life
Making me thankful
Even though you're there and I'm here.
Simple meals and Price Chopper runs
A slower time with less to be done
Candy corn and peanuts
Now a fall favorite treat of mine
Not a breakfast kind of girl
But a chocolate crossiant is irresistable
A boccee ball partner, sloping waterfront boundary
I'm the weakest link, but no matter, you put up with me
Shopping bags, sandals
Converstation shared through dressing room walls
Pepsi and pedicures
Football games enjoyed in a condo cheaply warmed
Babies and bellies
Life is full, and will never be the same
Memory of an empty road as I watched you drive away
A mommy's prayer to heaven raised
Cars full of cousins- trips to the farm and lake made
There are so many more, the words a blanket I weave
That you may be wrapped in my love and memories

For the love of belated-birthday posts, Sisters, admiration and many more memories to make,

Happy Belated Birthday Day Abbey
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Unsolicited Information: Marathon edition

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Marathon 1 of 2 in 2012 was tackled,
and while his finisher t-shirt reads "Had a wicked good time"
His face at mile 24 did not reflect that phrase in the slightest
J's PR remained unbroken and for that there was some disappointment.
But with Boston as the goal
And marathon #2 still to be run I'm amazed at his resolve
He's my runner man, and I'm so proud to call him mine.
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Unsolicited Information: Exercise edition

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Miles logged for 2012 total a meager 63
But 41 have come from April-my best month yet!
To reach my goal of 750 miles this year I need to run 85miles every month for the next 8 months - Yikes!
Maybe my goal should be ammended to 500, that's a do-able 54 miles per month
Due to the spandex season that's quickly approaching
I decided to literally kick my butt into shape by adding a kick-boxing class into my exercise routine.
Class #1 was awesomly hard, and left me sore for 3 days
Pretty sure I haven't done that many jumping jacks ever,
And the gloves were such a hit at home they had to be removed to a storage place out of the kids reach.
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Unsolicited information: Bible edition

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I'm reading in the Old Testament again: 1 Samuel
The revelation of God's character coupled with the detailed lives of the flawed-participants in His plan
Leaves me challenged to be different, as I realize how good God is and how flawed I continue to be.
And I want my kids to choose God...why did so many godly people end up with un-godly kids?
That's a rhetorical question.

For the love of learning, trying to live as called-out and praying my kids choose His way,
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For your birthday

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Orange carpet and a fold out couch
A ringing bell when illness fell
A heavy oak table and
Lists of tasks to do
Bustling kitchen with a window overlooking
All our outside play
Stands filled with your support and cheer
A coach in life
Teacher, in scripture and in prayer
An interior decorator who encouraged creativity
Pillows and blankets, wall-paper and pics
And self-expression, even if manifested in purple hair
Dark brown and ivory the keys ringing with your skill
Singing together makes me smile still
Allowing mistakes, always
Forgiving and patient
Open to conversation, encouraging and kind
A home open to all friends
Rice krispie-treats and brownies at the ready
I still call you momma, but I call you friend too
I've learned to make lists all on my own
My kitchen window now looks over outside play
When sick, I wish I still had a bell
Now I'm the cheerleader and the life coach too
I hope music fills my home just like it did when I lived in yours
Allowing mistakes is awful hard
I pray and read, which helps me to be patient, forgiving and kind

For the love of a birthday's, and recalling memories of how you made me into who I am,

Happy 51st birthday Mom.

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Unsolicited information: Diet saga

Monday, April 30, 2012

In which I complain that it's almost time to dawn a swimsuit
My body's not ready for spandex
And share the greatest, not just latest life-style health plan I'm on

Since the birth of Charlie, (bet you're glad I didn't say time, huh!)
The scales read much like a yo-yo plays
Up and Down, when what I really want to do is have my yo-yo down and walk the dog then let all the string run out and maintain at floor level.
Dont' get me wrong;
I'm okay with my post-baby body,
My lack of abs, and stretch marks don't bother me
I'm not insecure,
Just attune to the additional un-baby related pounds that have snuck up on me
I'm embarking on the Isagenix journey to good health
Whole body health, not just dieting - which includes taking vitamins and increasing my exercise routine
I've successfully cut sugar out of my diet for 9 days
The past 9 days I've tried to cut non-God made sugar from my diet,
Monday I had a smore with the kids
Wednesday I had a brownie in the name of fellowship
And Friday I had a chocolate bar to benefit March of Dimes...I mean, I couldn't just donate a dollar and not take the dark chocolate almond bar, could I?
Well, 6 out of 9 isn't so bad
Chocolate weakness aside, I'm feeling better and loosing weight
I have more energy, and overall just feel better

For the love of running (16mi this week), kickboxing, health and looking good in spandex,
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From six to twenty-six

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Surrounded by dirty dishes we sat with fingers tangled
E and C had excused themselves
And instead of starting the dishes you stole a kiss
I stole another
Sweet, passionate and unashamed our lips moved together
Swept away by each other,
For only a moment.
Footsteps heard lingering in the doorway, interrupted and
"Gross" was E's diagnosis
Our longing turned to laughter, and playfully with additonal kissing the dishes got done.
There was a time whether at six or twenty six when witnessing a stolen kiss, or blatetntly intentional kisses shared between my mom and dad was gross
But, now I'm just thankful they still kiss

For the love of love that expresses itself in lip-lock, marriages that last, and my kids thinking it's gross for 20 more years or so,

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Saturday, April 28, 2012

My fingers drum the keys, at a familiar pace
But long overdue
The reflections of my mind pieced together as whispers of emotion in fragmented sentences,
Phrases of love, longing and fleeting time
How the scent of lilacs blooms, on runs in neon shoes
Remind me Mawna's cooking, and Grandpa's weathered hands

Of home
And youth,
And soy beans,
And brothers
And time; unrushed, filled with simple moments.
Fragrantly sweet are the memories triggered by the pale purple bloom of spring.
So, I prod the fire that is my busy life and know there are some irons that need removing
For writing, running, the pursuit of simple moments, love, and relishing childhood with my children are irons I refuse to remove.
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Sunday, March 18, 2012

The taste of salty tears,
Uninhibited they fall from eyes long too dry, like a flood washing over parched soil.
The pain of loss resurfaces,
The sting of grief,
The absence of control.
Her face imagined, a dream seared into your memory
The perfect pieces of you and him making her all her own,
But it is only a dream.
Your earthly eyes won't lock with hers,
Arms empty, they will not cradle her here.
A barrenness, filled only by hope.

A shapeless supple sweatshirt.
Bagels and cream cheese.
Heavy card stock and creased letters in envelopes sealed.
Words of comfort, shared sorrow and strength emotionally penned.
Chocolate, dark chocolate.
Slack cotton tank-tops.
A cocoon of covers pulled up to your nose.
Tea and honey.
Coffee with cream.
The contagious laughter of children, and make-believe.
Cupcakes and birthday parties.
Slippers that leave soft fuzzy residue between toes.
The encompassing warmth of loves embrace.
The silence of friends,
The conversation of friends.
A deep breath bringing renewal, like a blanket of snow brightening the barren ground.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all our comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3

For the Love of comfort; found in faith, cards, chocolate, tears, deep breaths, and for the compassion of an unchanging God,
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Sunday, February 19, 2012

It is their family motto - Be there.

Helpless to change their circumstances,
Vigilant they sat at his bedside.
The earthly tent, that was his body,
Lay tormented, weak, and torn, only a shadow of himself.
The battle for his physical body would soon be lost,
And while a sadness lingers in the room,
There is joy, for his mortality is swallowed up by LIFE.
Through tests, treatments and procedures they lived by faith, not by sight.
He was renewed day by day inwardly though outwardly he was wasting away.
A testament of true faith and eternal perspective.
The Newsboys' lyrics play in my head "No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me"
There was no fear,
And as their cancer-theme song played in the background (Mighty to Save, Michael W. Smith),
I praised God, the provider and sustainer of life for His faithfulness.
I was blessed in the opportunity to serve this family,
And honored to stand as a witness to the hope and joy that lies in death, because of Christ, even when it seems untimely.
Connor wasn't healed while on this earth, but he is whole now.
A victor in death, because he believed in the conqueror of the grave.
And so Connor will Be there.
I look forward to meeting him there someday.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

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Where There's a Will

Saturday, February 18, 2012

There's a way.
Or two ways, rather.
And a choice.

When the will of God doesn't fit your agenda, when it hurts, when you can't make sense of it...
Do you still choose to acknowledge God as;
GOOD  (Psalm 34:8)
JUST (Deuteronomy 32:4)
FAITHFUL (Psalm 57:3 & 10)
FORGIVING (John 3:16-17, 1 John 1:9, Psalm 103:10)
COMPASSIONATE (Lamentations 3:22-23)
HEALER (Psalm 103:2-4, Matthew 4:23-24)
HOLY (Isaiah 55:8-9, Leviticus 11:44a, Revelation 4:8)
MERCIFUL (Micah 7:18, Ephesians 2:4-5)
POWERFUL (Job 38:1-38 & 40:6-9, 2Chronicles 20:6)
PRESENT (Psalm 46:1, Matthew 28:19-20)
And our SUSTAINER (Psalm 55:22)

I lament with friends because it is right before the Lord while pleading for His healing.
I petition in the power of the Spirit for peace, and miracles.
Knowing full well if the desires of my heart are in alignment with His will, He will answer yes to the out-pourings of my heart.
I choose to believe.
Even when it doesn't always make sense.

For the love of truth, faith and a God who answers prayers and has a will for our lives,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6
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[Dear Self] When You're 30 Edition

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

People assume you're responsibly awake and start your day before 7am.
You will get texts wishing you a Happiest of Days starting at 6:30.
Your dad will apologize for waking you up with his call, and emphasize that he did purposely wait "a while" before calling!
Your mom will visit; take you shopping and out to eat, 
You'll talk like friends and soak up the time.
The crab cakes, seared tuna-salad, and ice tea will leave you full and you'll forgo dessert 
Yep, no dessert.
You'll shop for sales, even though your birthday cash is taunting, begging to burn a hole in your pocket, and 6 days later you'll still have cash to spend. 
The gifts of time and thoughtfulness will be your favorites; 
A homemade card that reads "I love you very much, your just SO old I can't believe your 30 and Awesome" - Ethan.
Coffee and time stolen away while children attend school.
Jewelry that looks just like me.
To end the night you won't attend an elaborate surprise party (cause that not your husband's style),  
But you will be surprised,
And you'll celebrate with family and friends from far and near via video.
You'll cry and roll with laughter as your watch and listen to the singing of happy birthday, 
and memories recounted in both words and acting.
You'll find out that cake, candy and cooking are what some people love most about you. 
Compliments roll off Charlie's tongue and Ethan wants to go on Wipe Out to win you 50,000 dollars.
You'll rewind and re-watch your nephews- songs, "I love you" proclamations, and silly faces.
Most of all you'll be humbled, and honored to be called a Christ follower, a good mom, and great friend among other things.
The words of love, praise and encouragement from those who mean so much to you will overflow your cup already so full and continue to echo in your mind building you up and reminding you keep being YOU.

For the love of turning 30, laughter, tears, shopping, coffee and expressions of love
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Revision 3.0

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Another day 
Another chance
Everyday I wake, I choose not to waste it.

More time to try, 
Though, I understand it's not ME that accomplishes,
Resting in grace and growing in patience.

More of me to understand while I ponder my reflection,
Beauty from the inside-out- the real definition.
Wrinkles of wisdom, 
Crows feet from reading and prayer.
Laugh lines of true joy, 
Hands weathered by care.

Time to rely more on the One who knows
Even when I don't feel like it
Because in reliance is growth.

So to this year, and for all the revisions to come...
I never imagined 30 would feel so young.

Her hands cradle her cheeks as if she's feeling for something lost in the past, yet her smile is sweet and full of contentment.  From her lips the simple statement said with the ringing of laughter;
"I look in the mirror and think, I don't feel that old." 
-Mawna, 40 years my senior.
While her face may reflect her age, her heart remains young, beautiful, honest, and she overflows with love and contentment. 
Here's hoping I'll be as beautiful as she is day.

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With every breath I take

Thursday, January 19, 2012

A red satin pillow cradled her head
Frazzled hair, uncommonly framed her face
Hands caressed her
Lips kissed her

Memories whispered, and laughed aloud
Dr Pepper
Back scratches
Cigarettes and soap operas
The Eagles club
Missing the love of one gone before
Beauty salons and pedicures
Love expressed in kisses and word games

Permission granted to rest
Petition lifted for peace
Her breath wained and the color drained from her lips
Tear stained cheeks rested on her chest until her heart was heard no more
And they said goodbye.

For all the stars in the sky, all the sand on the shore nothing was greater than with every breath I take.
And she loved them with every breath, until the last.
They love her still - with every breath they take.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

GOAL - To run a total of 750 miles in 2012
That's running my usual 6 mile route 125 times, or
250 days of 3 mile runs, or
10 mile runs x 75, or
Approximately 15 miles/week
Totally do-able...right?
My toe nails are just starting to grow back -from my half-marathon training and run in November '11
4 of 10 are still black and blue (beneath the dark purple painted pedicure)
I've resolved my toes maybe black and blue for the remainder of 2012
And I'm okay with that

For the love of physical fitness goal setting, dark hued toe nail polish to cover up the damage and 750 miles to go,
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Purpose and Priorities

Monday, January 9, 2012

It's a New Year.
The time for Resolution; to decide, settle, solve, determine

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least" 
- Goethe (German Philosopher)

We can only determine what path is best when we understand our purpose.
Seek guidance in the Word
Draft [Gunn Family] Purpose Statement 
And now align priorities to meet the purpose statement
Arrange accountability
2012 is going to be simply....well, who knows, but it's off to a great start!

For the love of growing as a family, Making goals and plans to reach them, Seeking God and being still enough to hear His answers.

Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 
- Philippians 2:2

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Sunday, January 8, 2012

Passionate, joyful, headstrong and kind
Five years 
And I'm thankful for every second and each second more to come
I'll try to hold your life with an open hand, knowing God is the only one who can truly hold you

God, please empower her, protect her, direct and comfort her
Give me wisdom, patience, and grace 
I want her to know you - help me teach her
I want her to serve you - help me show her how
I want her to love you - help me explain how you first loved us
                               You've made her passionate, help me to direct the passion within her to things that matter in eternity.
Already her heart rejoices when others rejoice and she shows compassion for the hurting, help me to encourage and cultivate these characteristics that reflect you.
There is a joy that shines from within her, she shares it in her smile and in her hugs, may she always have the joy of being yours in her life no matter her life circumstances.
May her life be defined by self-control through the power of Your Spirit living inside of her.
Thank you for our Charlie girl.  Help me to be what she needs.
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2011 Blog-Year In Review

There were a mere 35 blog entries made in all of 2011.
That's less than 3 per month.
Resolve to document more in 2012.
And since you have nothing better to to than to re-read my 2011 blog entries I've hyper linked the months for easy access.

January - 50 Words for a great man's 50th birthday and Stepping-Up to a calling.
February - A blogging drought resolved, NOT 30 yet and loving my Valentine no Valentine's day needed.
March - Jamie Rocket
April - The beginning of Spring, loving life-group and Put-put with the newlyweds
May - The UN-end of the world
June - Running, The blahs in poem, and The start of summer
July - Spiritual Growth
August - A brush with death, So it says, E&C Updates, a 2011 record setting 7 blog entry month
September - BONUS
October - Judging Judges, Sioux Falls Marathon
November - 13.1 and Cousins
December - Merry Christmas from our family to yours
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Favorite Reflections

  • I've been on a silent journey For a year, I explained the pain and weakness away, it was the gardening or hormones or in my hea...
  • Dear Baby Girl (you're gone) -- You would be five, but your body never was and instead you're just a beautiful soul I don'...
  • The word rolled off her tongue and I was frozen I couldn't have just heard what my brain is telling me I heard Not from her, Beautifu...
  • The house is hurriedly swept, papers stashed, candles that smell of cookies lit, laundry hidden away, dinner inhaled - dishes entombed, and...
  • Being a nurse was always where my heart was set So all the Sunday dinners I missed I can not regret Because caring for others' hurts, ...
  • There's orange shag carpet covering the floor Cards slide across the wooden table as kids make sound effects from behind the couch The...
  • My sweet sisters, You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life,  But, concer...
  • It's a mindless phrase I pray Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day But today A wife woke up to an empty place in her bed ...
  • To all the Mom's  Sacrifice comes easy at first, it starts with your body and then it's your sleep - until you realize it'...
  • I sat on top of a mountain The majesty of creation stretched before me Pairs of eyes gazed into mine With quivering knees A vulnerable h...