An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

Goodbye Grandpa

Monday, July 16, 2018

Being a nurse was always where my heart was set
So all the Sunday dinners I missed I can not regret
Because caring for others' hurts, ills and pain made me ready to care for you
So on this sad Tuesday-day I was equipped to help you pass through

Memories of monster and being too afraid to run through the dark
Safety beside Mawna as Josh in your loving arms was caught
Diving in grain trucks, horse tanks, beans and tall rows of corn
Watching cows come to the sound of your old truck horn

I can not imagine subtracting you one from the other
Your lives were more because of each other
Marriage truly made you two into one
Sacrificial love, respect, honor, submission and God granted love

Pieces of you in the way Ethan plays
The smile on the face of our Charlie-girl, your namesake
Your life is woven undeniably into mine
I find you in rhyming words, in stories and truth telling lines

I don't remember you ever taking yourself too seriously
Yet, I can still hear your prayers over a table prepared
And I know your life was no game or joke
Rather lived with purpose because of and for the One who gives us eternal hope

So in this hope I rest
That you're at peace and wearing a crown
That as a saint you marched in
And in your death it's new life that you found

This doesn't mean our hearts aren't hurting or that we won't miss you a ton
But that your life was lived in the power of the Son
And though you're gone,
Our God, our faith, out family, laughter, love and playful smiles
You gave them to us
God never failed you and I know He will continue to show up for us

Love you grandpa

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A Mom's Promises on Mother's Day

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Today a mamma woke up without her baby girl
She was wearing smiley face socks and driving too fast
Now she’s gone

The world doesn’t make sense a lot of the time
My darling children, I would make sense of it all for you if I could
If only I could

This year we’ve lived together, at times, hasn’t made much sense
Here’s what I know
I love being you mom
Good times, Hard times, Sad times, and Everything in-between times

Growth happens when we push through hard times
Growing doesn’t always feel good
God is good even when life isn’t

Problems don’t get better when ignored
Facing problems requires humility
Humble people make the best humans

Secrets are dangerous
Unless the secret is a present, presents are the opposite of dangerous
However if the present is a crocodile that IS dangerous, don’t give a crocodile as a gift
Give thoughtful presents over costly ones - always
Words, Time, Presence

The ability to love isn’t based on the actions of another, but on your willingness to give and forgive even when love isn’t deserved
That’s how God loves us
With a bigger love than we deserve even when we don’t love Him back
I hope you always choose to love Him

Seatbelts save lives,
Wear your seat belt, Wear socks that make you happy (even if they don’t match)
Follow the speed limit signs

Sometimes we get lost
We get lost inside ourselves, lost in circumstance, lost in lies
Let truth guide you and pull you out of yourself, your circumstance and confusion
Being lost will give way to being found

Worry is normal
You may worry about grades, about what to wear, about what others think, about tomorrow, about a great many things that are out of your control
Don’t let worry drive you
God’s knows and He’s got it all under control
Find perspective, pray, be thankful and choose peace

A kind word and a smile goes a long way
Smile often, make eye contact, be honest and speak kindly
Listen more than you speak

Doubt happens
We doubt ourselves, and our God
Don’t let your doubt determine who you are or who you believe God to be
Ask questions but don’t wallow in the place of questioning, God never changes

Different is God’s design for the world
You are the only you, created with talents, and skills unlike any other
These are for you to use, not to squander in selfishness or bury in fear
Use them for the glory of the One who made you, for the relief and refreshment of a world in need, and for the betterment of others
Be the different you were created to be

Life happens in seasons
Seasons of doubt, of joy, of heartache, of trial, of loss, of security, of ease, of regret, of forgiveness and of renewal
Embrace them all, for they will all shape you into you

You are stronger than you think
Be resilient, be affected but don’t allow the weight of trial to break you
And when you’re not strong enough let God be your strength
He will

So on this mother’s day
I promise to never stop growing
And to trust God’s goodness when life isn’t good.
I promise to name and face problems
And grow in humility.
I promise to give you words, time, and presence
But, never a crocodile.
I promise to love you no matter what
And to love God too.
I promise to buy you whatever socks make you happy, always wear my seatbelt,
And to drive the speed limit.
I promise to look for you, to love you (lost or found)
And to always tell you the truth.
I promise to worry as little as humanly possible about you
And to trust that God is in control.
I promise to smile, to look into your eyes, to speak words of kindness
And to listen more than I lecture.
I promise to share my doubt
But not let it determine who I know God to be.
I promise to embrace my different for God’s glory
And to encourage you to do the same.
I promise to hold every season with a sense of awe
And to let you grow into who you’re meant to be.
I promise to be strong: strong for you, for me, for the unknown
And rely on God’s strength.

So, though I can not change the world to make it make sense for you
May I always point you to the One who will get you through.
You are amazing, you are strong, you are beautiful and I am so grateful to get to be your Mom.

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