An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

4 letter words

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

His confession came unprompted and unbridled
"Mom, Dad - I've been tempted to say bad words at recess"
We braced
"What words buddy?" we asked
"I can't say them" he replied
"The d-word and the s-word" was all he could bring himself to say
So we braced again
And pushed
"You have to say the words buddy, so we can talk about it" we prompted
With eyes downcast
His lips formed the word
And just above a whisper
He spoke the first four letter word
We held his hands and he gave up the s-word,
Six letters!
Thank Heaven...
Utter relief
My eyes met J's and
I had to stop myself from giggling
I could breathe again
And we talked about it...
How those are words we never use for people
And how God gave us a brain with an incredible capacity to learn and grow our vocabulary and speak life-giving words

For the Love of  innocence, opportunities for conversation, reflection and the capacity to learn and grow to speak life-giving words, always,
Share this Post Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Email This Pin This Share on Google Plus Share on Tumblr

THE Plan

Monday, October 29, 2012

When I was little I made plans;
I planned
What I would be
In vauge beautiful generalizations
A wife
A mom
And Happy
I planned
My family
In specifics that hold no true meaning (except for laughter and butterflies)
The color of  my husband eyes
His features
How he'd make me laugh and feel butterflies
What age I'd be when we said "I do"
How many kids we'd have
And what their unique, but not weird names would be

Llife happened
Pain was never a part of my plan
I didn't factor in my head-strong nature
Or selfishness

I didn't plan on seeking the Lord
He'd just always been there

When I was little
I didn't know my own faith
When life happened
And Sin derailed
I needed Him
I needed forgiveness
A new plan

Grace gave way to trust
And I started to understand
His plan was the Garden
A real-life experiece of community with Him
He knew we'd mess it up
People, we're messy

So He made a new plan
It couldn't be perfect with us in it
There would be pain
But there would be forgiveness
And fulfillment
And hope
And a future...

I am a wife
I'm also a mom
Most of the time I'm happy
Really, truly happy
My husband does have brown eyes as I planned
He still gives me butterflies, eight years after saying I do
And we laugh
I was blessed with two children, not three as planned
And they have great names
None of which came from my middle-school notebook

I'm still head-strong, and selfish
But I'm growing in submission,
Learning to get over myself
And relinquish control
I can't control if my friend has cancer
Or if another is moving half-way across the globe
I couldn't control my miscarriage
Or Ethan's stay in the NICU
I can't control my children's choices
Or keep their heart's from breaking

But I have faith
And forgiveness
My hope is eternity
And while I'm here living my messy life
He listens to my prayers
He cares about what I want
He loves me
He gives me more grace
And He is good

For the Love of less planning, more trust, looking forward to eternity and faith that's real in the middle of this messy life,

Share this Post Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Email This Pin This Share on Google Plus Share on Tumblr

Favorite Reflections

  • I've been on a silent journey For a year, I explained the pain and weakness away, it was the gardening or hormones or in my hea...
  • Dear Baby Girl (you're gone) -- You would be five, but your body never was and instead you're just a beautiful soul I don'...
  • The word rolled off her tongue and I was frozen I couldn't have just heard what my brain is telling me I heard Not from her, Beautifu...
  • The house is hurriedly swept, papers stashed, candles that smell of cookies lit, laundry hidden away, dinner inhaled - dishes entombed, and...
  • There's orange shag carpet covering the floor Cards slide across the wooden table as kids make sound effects from behind the couch The...
  • Being a nurse was always where my heart was set So all the Sunday dinners I missed I can not regret Because caring for others' hurts, ...
  • My sweet sisters, You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life,  But, concer...
  • It's a mindless phrase I pray Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day But today A wife woke up to an empty place in her bed ...
  • To all the Mom's  Sacrifice comes easy at first, it starts with your body and then it's your sleep - until you realize it'...
  • I sat on top of a mountain The majesty of creation stretched before me Pairs of eyes gazed into mine With quivering knees A vulnerable h...