It was just one of those days
Marked by excessive sighing, silent prayers and standing in the corner
To clarify I was not the one in the corner
Homeschool has been this incredible blessing and challenge, all at the same time
Wrapped neatly with a bow, tons of questions and doubts then gifted to me at a surprise party I never saw coming

There are these moments
Moments when I just want to teach math
Double-digit subtraction minus the character lesson

We all have instinctive actions, reactions, and characteristics
Most of them are neither beneficial or becoming
Today it was pride and stubbornness
Tomorrow...who knows?!

And most days I'm not sure if I'm getting it right
I can do double-digit subtraction - easy, it's everything else
Am I building them up enough
Being the example they need
Loving them in a language they understand
Molding them to see God's heart and His desire for them

All I know for sure is that my character still needs refining

And there in the middle of my need, my stubbornness, my pride

He is enough

His grace covers all that I am not

And His Spirit washes over my rough edges, and innate reactions

And so in the middle of math we dive into a lesson of self-subtraction
Choosing perseverance when giving up would be natural
Listening without plotting a rebuttal
Allowing yourself the opportunity to be wrong, and be okay with it
Because in failure, when things are hard, when we persevere, when we listen -
We learn, we grow, and we become more by loosing those pieces of our self

And so I reassure him, and me, with these words

"You can't wear me down" 

I will never be perfect or enough

I will make mistakes

But I will love you the best way I know how

And "I will never quit on you"

And from my own lips the Spirit echoed Gods heart for me...

"You can't wear Me down"
Not with your stubbornness, your pride, or your ignorant self-reliance
"I am here, I am patient, My love is perfect, My grace is enough and I will never quit on you"
Mercy for all that you lack, Grace for every mistake, Love for you - just as you are
"Persevere - Listen - Accept - Subtract"

You Only Live Once

Today I watched them

Run with determination
Climb
Enthusiastically sing
Play
Dance - without reservation
Explore
Bravely try
Imagine
Excitedly jump
Fall and get back up

Today I watched them
Be
Kids

Today I watched
And realized
This thing I wanted, and expected since I can remember
I have it
I am a mom
I am their mom
Living in the middle of a dream
And I don't want to waste it
I can't waste it

They want to out run me
They want to dance with me
They want to sing with me
They want to climb with me
They want to try with me
They want me when they fall
And I get to help them back up

Me

And it's now
Ready or not
In the middle of emotions and exhaustion,
Regardless of health or illness,
Independent of goodness or insufficiency


Today I watched them be kids

Today I was here
And Today
I played
I encouraged
I danced
I praised
I sang
I reassured
I ran
I cheered
I explored
I consoled
I climbed
I inspired
I jumped

Today, I soaked up this dream
This time
And them

It's a sad a truth that we often miss the moments that we're in
Outlining the next
Or regretting a moment past

Sometimes, I forget
Distracted by challenges and weariness
That this place I am
Is where I longed to be
And exactly where I am supposed to be
I forget to play
I forget to savor it
I forget to be grateful

But not today

Mean Mom

The peace of morning is saturating
Deep breaths fill the quiet
The sun lights my shoulder and casts shadow over the Word as I read
And then they get up

I love them more than I ever imagined possible
They're unique
They make me laugh
They force me to think
And they wear me down
Irritating noises
Quarrels
Disrespect

It's the little things that strip away at the peace, the joy
Swallowing the bickering
While addressing the unkind word
And sly punch on the shoulder
Pressing down the disappointment in their disrespect
While requesting quiet, refocus, forgiveness

Until there is no more room for swallowing
Filled to overflowing and ready to burst from pressing it down day after day
And I'm no longer gentle, or in control
I'm a mess of my own emotions
And too often yelling

I don't want to be the mom who yells

He is a fortress, quiet, and brooding at times
He doesn't break
Not that I want him too
But sometimes the realization that I'm getting through would be nice
Arms crossed and face hardened, he's good at rationalizing, excusing, blaming
Aren't we all
But in a rare moment of exposure
I realize how shallow my perception
For beneath the crossed arms is a heart bleeding with the realization of inadequacy
And his hardened face hides the harsh self-judgement contained in his mind
He is harder on himself than I will ever be

And in that moment I know what he needs
Grace

So, I hold his weeping body and he lets me
I kiss his hair, as the tears roll down my cheeks, and breathe out a prayer
A prayer for peace
A prayer that speaks truth
A prayer that claims promises for his life
A prayer that builds him up
A prayer that asks for forgiveness
A prayer that is his lullaby

I don't want to be the mom who yells

I want to be the mom who prays
The mom who sees what they need

I know I can't save them
I can't make them love each other

But I can pray

And so I will...

Snapshots of our Reality TV Show

The hairbrush has gone missing again
I'm too annoyed to sing like Larry "Oh where is my hairbrush"

Breathe
There's grace for the little things
She's not organized, but always joyful in her distracted world
Her tangles don't matter as much as her spirit
A moment, I almost swallowed in emotion
I choose her joy, and helping her find the brush or asking daddy to help her find it
And the lost is found, on brothers floor - right where it belongs
Exhale

There's still milk on the table, remnants of breakfast bowl overflow
No one seems to notice except me.

Walk away,
I'm not going to let spills and our mess define my worth
And because today
He wanted to sit with me over the iPad and make a rectangle bracelet
In this moment I chose him, and rubber bands
And pretending the bracelets don't cut off circulation giving my fingers the pins and needles
Park it. Create. Stay.

There's laundry to fold and dishes to wash
Eyes heavy, body weary, zero motivation

Sit
Rest is necessary, time together doing absolutely nothing is valuable
Expectations ruin moments
Blessed that never has he expected me to be more than who I am or do more than I can
He washes the dishes, hangs the laundry, iron his own shirts
And I share his days
Hold hands. Rest. Be

Real life is being annoyed and then realizing you're over reacting
Singing like Larry will make you smile
Real life is getting swept up in tasks and then stopping to enjoy moments when you're wanted
Because it matters
Real life is not stopping, and getting annoyed when it doesn't really matter
And then giving yourself grace and a second chance
Real life is tangled fingers and sitting on the couch with a husband who just finished the dishes and falls asleep while you type and scroll through Facebook
Real life is the 8:00 rush to get kids into bed because your done being a parent for the day
And slowing down when you hear an unexpected an undeserved blessing in her prayers
It is simple- too boring for reality TV, but incredibly satisfying
All the little moments and choices compound into days and years and memories
Memories of life - our simple real life

For the Love of Today, Holding hands, Rainbow loom, JOY, and Making memorable choices,
Me

A Rehashing of life in 2013

1.  God is good, ALL the time.
In the middle of my mess and human insufficiency He is always enough and 100% available.

2. There is a little more grey streaking through my hair, just a little-on the right side, but my bangs provide a strategic cover for now

3.  HOMESCHOOL
I quit on day 9,
But 20 weeks later -- refer to number 1
We get funny looks when shopping at Trader Joes during "normal school hours"
There are probing questions about socialization and my children's social welfare
Then there's this undeserved praise I didn't expect - let me be honest, it's nice for people to think I'm a saint and have overwhelming patience etc.
The reality is ----- drum roll ----- I'm still me.  And I'll refer you here again to number 1!
We have our days, as with life.
There are days of great triumphs when learning is fun,
And days that 4 hours of instruction feels like 40 and we have to call the principal (I'm SO ridiculously in love with him!).
But we're in it together
I am a front row observer to their personalities, strengths and weaknesses, unfolding in the middle of math or handwriting.
I get to learn World History with them and geek out over how they can diagram a sentence
I'm silly excited about the virtual energy plant tour we're taking this week
And overall, I just can't tell you how this "thing I would never do" is changing our life
Being faithful isn't easy, but it's good

4. I've learned to ask for help.
God has been so amazing at strategically placing relationships in my life to help me with this homeschool journey, my faith, my kids, my sleep.  Again see number 1.

5. I am learning I have to say no, even to good things, so there is room for RIGHT things.  This topic deserves it's own blog post -coming soon.  If you have 7 minutes to spare watch this inspiration

6. Our life remains simple.

7.  We are blessed to have the same jobs that provide both income and balance for our family life. Me  x 11 years in June, and Jacob x 9 years.

8.  The kiddos keep growing.
E is our reader, outdoorsman, soft spoken, sometimes silly sometimes shy guitar playing man who dislikes jeans and loves athletic wear.  Legos, k-nex, and bey-blades are his toys of choice.
C is our joyful, passionate (take that how you will!), funny, always herself unashamedly all the time, pianist who still prefers dresses, and any thing fancy.  Barbie and the 50 stuffed animals that sleep in her bed fit as perfect accessory toys to her imagination.
They challenge us, encourage us, listen to us - sometimes or most of the time, they have their own opinions and we are blessed to be their parents for as long as we have them to call ours!

9. The lake remains our favorite home away from home, and we sneak away when we can from our city life and schedules to relax there.  With extended family, hide-n-seek, tag, and Monopoly is our favorite.

10. Our church family continues to be an irreplaceable part of our life.  There is no other way we would rather spend two nights a week than surrounded by those we love and share life with while hosting life group and being youth group small group leaders.

Life is sweet, though it has it's trials - God remains faithful, we have hope for a perfect eternal someday and for now we have each other.
I pray we would have a blessed New Year, that Gods faithfulness and goodness would be evident in our life, that we would have real community surrounding us, that this year we can be more honest, transparent, real and that what really matters will be what matters everyday.

In 2014 my One Word is Deep or Deeper - what's yours?

The Life of Joseph, And a Mom of Courage

The story of Joseph is complicated, filled with trials and triumphs
It is at times despairing and then hopeful
Joseph was a dreamer, a favorite, but despised, a slave, a prisoner and a ruler
His life was riddled with tribulation
But through it all God was with him

The thought of a child
Wandering - facing impossible circumstances, tests of faith and of will
It grieves my heart
I acknowledge God's sovereignty,
I don't fully understand
But I believe in His plan and purpose
I think of all the mistakes I made
And how my parents allowed me to make them
How courageous
How trusting 
How faithful they were
I can see how God has redeemed me
All of me
The mistakes, the lies
The falters in times of trial
The pain of loosing, the joy in finding the truth
I can see
How I've been refined
How I am still being refined

Yet, when I think of the lives of my children
Though I say I believe
Though I say I trust
And I want to
It's hard to open my hand and truly given these two back to Him
But faith without action is empty
The time will come when the choice is not mine to make for my children
A time when I will have to allow them to make their own mistakes
There will be a time when true faith requires the action of letting go
Believing that God will redeem
Trusting that trials refine and are the only thing that can create perseverance and hope
There will be a time when the only thing I will be able to do is let go and courageously fall to my knees
Petitioning the one who never left Joseph, has never left me
And will be an unchanging constant in the lives of the two I've been trusted with for a few short years

For the love of courage, redemption, active faith, and a constant God,
ME

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. - 1 Corinthians 4:2

Moments

There is a balance to be found in the everyday
Tasks vs. Moments
Taking time and still Keeping a schedule
Normalcy or Spontaneity
It's a teeter-totter

24 hours a week I take care of critically ill children
Despite best efforts, prayers, and tears
I've stood, a helpless observer, as little ones are released into the arms of Jesus
I've watched us "save" teens for a life of dependence
Relinquishing them back into the care of their parents, hundred-plus pound forever infants

Is there any task worth missing a moment amidst the vapor of our life?

24 hours a day, 7 days a week I take care of two healthy blessings
I woke up today
We all woke up today
Fever wearies her little body
But in the midst a moment, undeserved, cherished
To be filed away for the days it's not so easy, and caring is over-thrown by selfishness
It will happen, it's just humanity
Witness this moment, watching him care warmed my soul,
And I was frozen there, watching love and relationship happen

To get on a teeter-totter alone is to be weighted on the ground
Or stuck in a continual state of effort- pushing, jumping, floundering
We need each other
But even more we need the One who can balance life for us
Cancel our debt
Offer perspective, though we may not always love it
See us for who we really are - and love us anyway
We need a relationship with the One who came with grace and truth to make God known to us
Who gives one blessings after another from the fullness of His grace
John 1:16-18

I stand, as a guide to them,
He stands as my redeemer, balancing all my mistakes, giving me more grace and undeserved blessing
And though there are days I try to control and hold them with a closed hand
Daily I am called to release them into the will and arms of Jesus
I can not save my children, but claim the promise of Isaiah 49:25
And I pray their lives will be one of dependence, relationship, and moments.

I woke up today and climbed on the teeter-totter
Praise God, He's on it with me.

What's In A Name?

Your body strained for breath
Helpless, I could not breathe for you
They whisked you away
Leaving my arms empty and my heart aching
Emotions I never imagined existing or feeling - until you were in my arms, and then gone
My head clouded with emotion and questions
Unfamiliar emotion
Questions I could not answer

We named you Ethan
We named you "Warrior"
We named you "Strong One"
I needed you to be a warrior
I needed you to fight
Fight for breath
Fight to know us
Fight to live

We named you Samuel
We named you "Called By God"
We named you "God Has Heard"
I needed God, in a way I had never needed before
I needed Him to hear us
I needed Him to heal you
I needed Him to call you His own, but let you be mine

We prayed
We waited
He answered
And your name was fulfilled

Eight years you have been mine
I pray our years together are many more
And for you my Strong One
I still pray and I hope

I hope, That your breath is not wasted;
Giving words proper respect
- they are not to be uses carelessly, but cautiously
Speaking the truth
- with a loving heart
Enriching others with words of wisdom and knowledge
- shining the light you are blessed to carry
Showing kindness
- using words to build up not tear down

I hope, That your life is fully LIVED;
Being yourself
Loving deeply
Thinking even deeper
Unselfishly giving and serving
Enjoying the creation around you
Running, Fishing, Playing, Writing
Following the WAY, and leading others in it
Standing firm

I hope, That you will BE;
Be A warrior
- who puts on the full armor of God, and stands firm against the devil
- who lives in the light and fights against the darkness
Be strong
- understanding this life is about more than today and about more than just yourself
- standing up for what is right, what is true and for the ones you love
Be called
- listen for His voice
- seek His wisdom
- follow His example and His leading

Saying these words makes my heart, again, ache
Because living in such a way will make you different
Different isn't easy, but it is what we are called to be

For the Love of my eight year old boy, the only name we could agree on, and unsettling hopes and prayers to a God who listens and answers,
ME

Self fulfilling prophesy

The tone of the day was set by the phrase
"I don't want to do school today"
An honest, but irritating expression from my almost eight year old
And at every turn there seemed to be friction
Today, "A" was not for Adam or Apple
A was for A.TTI.TUDE
And I had my fill

There are a LOT of things I don't really WANT to do everyday;
1. Laundry
I can not think of a day when I've woken up and said "Wow! I really want to do laundry today!"
2. Cooking
I mean, sometimes it just feels like work and all those Pinterest recipes taunt my lack of desire and available ingredients. 
3. Ironing
Let's be honest, I don't iron, so we can probably scratch off #3
4. Cleaning
Scrubbing toilets, dusting cobwebs and swiffering floors 

And so we discussed
Discussed how our view of things,
Our focus
Our attitude
Could make normal, necessary tasks go well, or seem heavy
There wasn't notable impact from our talk
Which was disappointing
But
We had today,
And today we had each other
Imperfections
Attitudes
And all
Though my cup felt poured out to empty
I know the ONE who can fill it to overflowing

And He is infinitely more patient, more loving, more merciful...
Just infinitely MORE than me
I am SO thankful that He IS
God is good
Grace is undeserved
But still He gives it, and His mercies are new every morning



For the love of undeserved grace, attitude adjustments, and cherishing today
ME

Lamentations 3:22-23

Brave

His brown eyes sincere and sweet
With a shading of ornery
Believing, Trusting, Kind

If I had it my way
I would not choose this
This family
It's messy and awkward

But he sees the good
The potential
The need
And so he did what was needed.
And invited him to church

His invitation opened the door
For conversation
A glimpse into their reality
And empathy

His invitation opened the door
To her asking about my beliefs
1 Peter 3:15
And I laid it all out
The fall
Our need for a savior
Jesus - God's son
A perfect life lived
Death on a cross - the penalty for our sins
Paid
Acceptance of God's grace
Belief
Baptism
The transferring of Jesus perfection onto us
Learning to live for God's purpose
Acting in obedience because of love

Still, she had hesitation
But a seed was planted
And permission granted
We could take her son to church

He forced me to be brave
And I hope we're all better for it
All for the glory of God

Report Card

We're in the phase of life
Where S and S+ are the desired letters of choice
As I reviewed the cards stating my children's time in school was
"Satisfactory" or "Satisfactory +"
E asked if he had a good report
And we read through all the subject and his teachers comments
Yes, he had a good report.
And then over his soggy bowl frosted flakes, with the questionable milk
A life moment
"Mom, what's my spiritual report card look like?"
Deep breath
Pause
"Well...buddy, I think that's between you and God."
And that's true,
But sitting here in the quiet
After the rush of back-packs, lunch packing, shoes, cleaning up the soggy cereal, spilling the mouth wash, changing clothes, washing faces, brushing teeth, jumping in the car and then out again.
I want to answer different...
Because I'm pretty sure our card, at least my card records a lot of ugly things
U for unsatisfactory, N for needs improvement
And L for lost
But covering all the ugly words, unloving moments, failures and imperfections is one word
JESUS
And a big letter S for SAVED
---We'll have this talk later with scripture references.

For the Love of second chances to have moments that matter,
Me

4 letter words

His confession came unprompted and unbridled
"Mom, Dad - I've been tempted to say bad words at recess"
We braced
"What words buddy?" we asked
Guarded,
"I can't say them" he replied
Finally,
"The d-word and the s-word" was all he could bring himself to say
So we braced again
And pushed
"You have to say the words buddy, so we can talk about it" we prompted
With eyes downcast
His lips formed the word
And just above a whisper
He spoke the first four letter word
"dumb"
We held his hands and he gave up the s-word,
"stupid"
Six letters!
Thank Heaven...
Utter relief
My eyes met J's and
I had to stop myself from giggling
I could breathe again
And we talked about it...
How those are words we never use for people
And how God gave us a brain with an incredible capacity to learn and grow our vocabulary and speak life-giving words

For the Love of  innocence, opportunities for conversation, reflection and the capacity to learn and grow to speak life-giving words, always,
ME

THE Plan

When I was little I made plans;
I planned
What I would be
In vauge beautiful generalizations
A wife
A mom
And Happy
I planned
My family
In specifics that hold no true meaning (except for laughter and butterflies)
The color of  my husband eyes
His features
How he'd make me laugh and feel butterflies
What age I'd be when we said "I do"
How many kids we'd have
And what their unique, but not weird names would be

Then...
Llife happened
Pain was never a part of my plan
I didn't factor in my head-strong nature
Or selfishness

I didn't plan on seeking the Lord
He'd just always been there

When I was little
I didn't know my own faith
When life happened
And Sin derailed
I needed Him
I needed forgiveness
And
A new plan

Grace gave way to trust
And I started to understand
His plan was the Garden
A real-life experiece of community with Him
He knew we'd mess it up
People, we're messy
I
Am
Messy

So He made a new plan
It couldn't be perfect with us in it
There would be pain
But there would be forgiveness
And fulfillment
And hope
And a future...

I am a wife
I'm also a mom
Most of the time I'm happy
Really, truly happy
My husband does have brown eyes as I planned
He still gives me butterflies, eight years after saying I do
And we laugh
A LOT
I was blessed with two children, not three as planned
And they have great names
None of which came from my middle-school notebook

I'm still head-strong, and selfish
But I'm growing in submission,
Learning to get over myself
And relinquish control
I can't control if my friend has cancer
Or if another is moving half-way across the globe
I couldn't control my miscarriage
Or Ethan's stay in the NICU
I can't control my children's choices
Or keep their heart's from breaking

But I have faith
And forgiveness
My hope is eternity
And while I'm here living my messy life
He listens to my prayers
He cares about what I want
He loves me
He gives me more grace
And He is good

For the Love of less planning, more trust, looking forward to eternity and faith that's real in the middle of this messy life,
ME

Blink

I take in a deep breath
And close my eyes
Wasn't is just yesterday I held you against my chest
Dozing
In our quiet house
On the green couch
Didn't we just wrestled for control
Itchy tags
Undies and red sweat pants
Weren't you just sitting in the grocery cart
Snacking
Spilling
Whining
Didn't she just get here and make you sad
Wasn't it last night we were too tired
And when you cried
Because of the monsters
We let you sleep with us

It all seems like yesterday
A blink and the years of cuddles fade into watching you walk yourself into school.
You're mine for only God knows how many blinks.
So I'll do my best
To make meaningful memories
To love you in a way you understand
To guide you
And to hold you with an open hand
Trusting
God's plan for your life

For the love of being your mom, drinking in the moments, trust for the future, and memories
ME

Seven

Friday, you turned seven
And
This is what I wrote:













Seven years ago today
It was
wires, tubes
deep breaths
tears
exhaustion, anticipation
pain
and
prayer
Today it's
pancakes, bacon
too much sticky syrup
spills
sister
skipping school
and still
prayer

For the love of enduring fleeting temporary pain, watching you grow, skipping school and birthdays,
ME

Have the day you have...

His smile, my eyes
My temper, his patience
Puzzle pieces of us that make you all your own
HE put you together
Then
Gave us the privilege
Of
Holding you
Singing together
Pasting, coloring and painting
Watching you grow
Dancing
Learning from you
Loving you
Running beside you
Laughing because of you
Baking with you
Making mistakes
Twirling
Hurting for you
Knowing forgiveness
Teaching you
Breathing you in
Everyday
While you are ours to have
And while we hope the having lasts, there is no amount of time that could ever be too much
So we will love you for you
Continue to make mistakes
And HAVE the days we have

For the love of "The Odd Life of Timothy Green," days filled with each other, mistakes, forgiveness and puzzle pieces of us,
Me

Odd: differing from that which is usual, ordinary or expected

I hope so

Words of a memory for A.D.R.

Times tables
Sock eraser
Chalk
And kleenex box friends

Bad perms
Bomb threats
Single file walks
And prayer

Basketball
Slumber parties
Nightmares
And scary movies

FCCLA
Elf costumes
Presentations
And dreams in San Diego


Blond streaks and red turned purple
Trendy cuts
Dance moves
And dresses


Locker partners
Cheerleader and jock
First loves
And first heart aches

Falling away
Repentance
Renewed commitment
And accountability

Grey and Purple
Student IDs
Wildcat games
And husband introduction

Campbell's chicken and rice
Maid of honor
Shopping
And Fire safety

Trips to the mall
M&M Blizzards
Scripture study
And lifegroup

His first marriage choice
Her first prophecy
Writing
And new phases of life

I don't remember every wanting a sister

But for as long as I can remember I've had you
Maybe that's why

For the love of memories made with you A.D.R. (soon to be ADD), new chapters, husbands, adventures and the hope which brings joy of sharing eternity,
Me 

And I thought...

The playlist ceased
The quiet encompassed
Just the sound of friction
Black rubber tires spinning against the hot concrete
And I thought of you
Laughter, banter, snacking, and voices too loud you


Golden arches littered the roadside
And I thought of you
Joy from cheap toys, sipping, and devouring


The pale blue sky stretched
Meeting the dusty earth
Hemmed together with trees
The clouds shifted, a dancing fairy waived her wand unafraid of the fierce dragon
And I thought of you
Colorful imagination, creating, directing, and dress up

The ice cream-peanutbutter cup mixture melted
And I thought of you
Messy chins, napkins, and M&M's

The road turned familiar
Cars outnumbered cows
Grey lanes marked with white and yellow replaced the pale brown fields
My foot fell heavy on the pedal
And I thought of you
My children, my home

Firsts

Donuts
Juice
And Sausage
The breakfast of champions
On
Another first day of school
This year 1st grade...
Details are not his forte
But his summary made me smile
"It started off perfect and ended perfect"
His high for the day shared at dinner was
"Two recesses"
Lunch was shared with
"Annabel"
And they talked about
"What was going on"
His astute observation when asked about new friends was
"It takes a little while to make friends mom, but I did learn a few names"
In start contrast to our simple, factual, sometimes moody son...
Pouty lips graced her beautiful face as we walked home
Required to wait until Wednesday to officially start her school year
And
"disappointed I don't get to stay all day"
Sister sulked for approximately 1.75 hours
Through crayon labeling
And backpack packing
Until it was Kindergarten conference time
Her turn
It took her all of 2 seconds to make a new "friend" (whose name escapes her) during her brief Kindergarten conference.
FYI I'm not sure how keen I am on the Justin Bieber backpack carrying friend - but hey she's a 2 second friend...so let's not jump to conclusions
She's passionate, imaginative and more ready for this first than mom

For the Love of growing up, working through disappointments, new friends, new names, and both perfect beginings and endings,
ME

The season after spring

It's busy, and full
Full of
Togetherness,
Laughter,
Heat,
Fishing,
Time,
Swimming,
Sweat,
Sunscreen,
Running,
Water,
Band-aid's
And a little irritation
The kind that comes with lack of routine and increased presence of each other
But
It's the giggles,
Smiles,
Courage - to try and to be
Encouragement,
Imagination,
And capacity for more
That lingers in my mind
Little hands, that are much bigger than they used to be, rest in my palm
While Crossing the street or shopping for groceries
Little hands that now hold pom-poms and baseball bats
And little voices that have real conversations,
And tell me they prayed for me and hope I have a good night while taking care of the sick kids
Cutely-wrong words are seldom spoken
Rather, books are read, aloud and "in heads"
It's not been full of learning, except learning more about each other
And how to be what we need to one another
I've gotten out of the habit of doing laundry because J loves me so well
The house is a place for rest and nourishment between activities and travel
Hamsters, turtles, snakes and cats are easy pets but
Elle misses us dearly,
Or is she just extra loving because she's pinning for a scoop of non-diet food ?


For the Love of long summer days, time, fat-cats, clean laundry, and growing up
Me