An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.


Monday, December 9, 2013

The mini-me's and I were talking about coupon-ing.
Since when did the practice of redeeming coupons become it's own verb?
We can save 40% at Michaels on craft stuff for the cousins,
$25 off at Macy's - maybe this will be the year I find boots,
Another $10 savings at ToysRUs for stocking stuffers
CVS offers us $3 off because of all the antibiotics we've been downing.

But the coupon by itself is virtually worthless, a meager 1/100 of one cent.
Though a penny saved is a penny earned, there is not a single store who will or can offer you that 1/100 of a cent?
And my big thinker asked - so why do they give it a value if it isn't really worth anything?
-Good question

The coupon's worth is recognized only when redeemed.
And then I saw my life.
All our lives.
Circulating in this world, surrounded by others and striving for lives of merit.
Without redemption, we are a piece of print, holding the promise of great value and purpose but void of significance.
We can only find value when our life is redeemed by our maker.

There a pieces of me that feel less valuable than 1/100 of a cent.
There are days I feel inadequate, even worthless.
Unfit for anything or anyone.
But if I pause to listen, 
Block out the lies that have penetrated for too long
When I let myself hear the truth 
Truth, from the One who made me, the One who knows my potential, the One who gives me value, the One who waits patiently on me, the One who gives me more grace, the One who has a plan for my life
I hear Him say
"You are valuable.  You are Mine.  A daughter of the King.  Irrevocably adopted.
REDEEMED through the blood of My Son.
An act that can never be undone."

And I believe Him.

So what's your life worth?
Are you ready to feel valued, because to Him you're worth more than you can imagine.
He's not dying to know you.
He already knows you.
And He already died, one time, for everyone, for every sin, for our redemption.
Now He's just patiently waiting.
Waiting, for you to turn yourself in.

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Walking Dead

Thursday, December 5, 2013

We buy into a facade of living
Presented glamorously in advertisements, woven into lyrics, and disguised as reality in scripted television
We live comfortably
Surrounded by beautiful distractions
Busy, Loud, Fast lives

In our comfort, is complacency
When the occupying busyness fades we're unfulfilled
Without diversion we're void
The quiet is uncomfortable and the stillness is empty

Busy, uncomfortable in silence, dragged down by the facade of reality instead of living in my own
That used to be me
Well, I'm still busy
But my empty days are beautiful, and more fulfilling than any completed project
I envy the writers and preachers immersed in the word, connected with the Father day after day
I long for a day of void
My soul craves a day, an hour, an intense intentional time that I can fill with Jesus
Learn from Him, Talk to Him, Be filled up by Him
Today, I scraped together 15 minutes
And I had to push her off my Bible to read His letter

In our time together,
I watched Him take the hand of a lifeless little one and when He said get up, she did.
I listened as He told me that He can still raise the dead.
Isn't that what we are without Him?
Walking Dead.
And, that is why no amount of stuff, or projects, or accomplishments or busyness that can fill us up?
Because on the inside we are dead.
The external is just a facade, a lie, a coat of paint we put on to cover the decay of our own souls.

But He can raise the dead.
He took my life,
Self-focused, busy, loud, prideful, tainted by worldly desires and full of missteps.
And He washed it all away,
He gave me a new name, a purpose, and made me alive on the inside.
Now anything I do on the outside is for His glory.
And while I'm working on WHAT exactly He is asking me to do.
I rest that nothing can steal the life that I feel in the quiet, in my time with Him.
My fullness is in the void because it's saturated with Him.

For the Love of quiet time, cats, finding pockets of empty time to be intentional, and being alive,

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The Anti-Picket

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

For ten years,
I've looked into the faces of hurting and broken beings.
I've bandage hearts with hugs and silent prayers
While hanging drips to numb pain and sustain a heart that is running out of beats.
Some souls have lived their life.
But for the last eight years, it's the young souls,
The ones you hope and pray have more life ahead that I serve.
And their families.
Their family, strapped with the heaviness of insecurity, and illness.

I am a PICU Nurse.

I've given up countless hours of sleep in the name of patient care and balancing life.
And this year, for the first time in ten years, I am giving up part of my pay-check.
Mind you it's not by choice.
And it doesn't come with any less responsibility.
I will just have less for doing the exact same thing, a significant amount less.

The best leaders lead by example.
I sincerely hope that the leaders at the University of Kansas Hospital, where I am proud to be an employee, have taken a look at their salaries, bonus and benefits.
I have to believe in my heart they have.
Wouldn't any company forced to take a multi-million dollar revenue hit look company wide?
You see the Hospital will still be seeing the same number of patients, with an unchanging quality of care, while receiving less reimbursement.

It is a business.

Less money in
Has to equal
Less money out.
Or there will no longer be a business.

Am I excited to change my budget and make cuts?
But I can not imagine loosing sleep for anything other than serving those little hearts and their families.
You will not find me in a picket line.
And if it is experienced nurses that need to take a pay-cut so that others can retain their jobs.
Consider me thankful.
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Windows and Walls

Thursday, November 7, 2013

We build up walls
A layered facade we thicken to hide insecurity
A hardened mask of independence
A shield to lock in feelings 
A resolve to avoid hurting or being hurt again
A layering of something that appears more perfect than the raw emotion, and realness of ourselves that lay messy and vulnerable underneath.

We insert windows
Small openings of light that allowing others to see in 
But we control the opening, dressing it up and tinting the view
Another cloak covering the mess and reality of our life

What if I took down my walls - what if the window into my life showed you my real life?
It might look like a morning where my coffee is warmed 12 times before it touches my lips
Too distracted to drink my coffee
Because I'm rushing about from room to room accomplishing half of tasks, while checking email and scrolling through Facebook
Requesting (there's my first mistake) rooms be cleaned 6 times before I come in with the broom and threaten to dispose of any lingering toys littering the floor
And the homeschool class bell doesn't ring to start until 10:42 (that might have been today)
It might look like a morning where I sit quietly over my Bible
And after soul filling prayer, journaling and peace
Loose my patience as bickering and unkindness fill the rooms of our house and kids get sent to separate corners to stare at dust bunnies

What if you asked how I was doing - and I answered honestly?
What if we really wanted to know how each other was doing?
Do we?

Over oatmeal we (my six and eight year old) discussed; why we think it's okay to lie to each other?
Why, when something is wrong do we say "nothing"
If we're not telling the truth we are lying.
I've accidentally taught my children that putting up walls, and lying about how we truly feel is acceptable without even trying.
How did that happen?

It is easy for me to write about what's real
I stare at the blinking cursor and the realness of me, the imperfection that makes us all equal drips from my fingers
Anyone else tired of trying to appear perfect, like we've got it all together?

What would happen if we lived
Honestly lived?
If we quit trying to be something more than broken people living in a broken world that need someone perfect to love us?
What if we quit working on ourselves and let ourselves be worked on?
What if we allowed the ONE who knows us, who created us to break down our walls?
What if we lived in the power that we can't change ourselves, or anyone else?
But relish in and share the love and knowledge of the ONE who can?

"...but what I have I give you in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk" - Acts 3:6

For the Love of being worked on in all my imperfection, giving what I have, and living honestly,

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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

If I told you I believed in Heaven
A place filled with perfection
Filled with the presence of God, Jesus and all His angels
A place I long for
A place I will be just as I am minus the slips, falls and imperfections
A place I fit NOT because of me
But because I am covered in the perfect sacrifice and redemption of Jesus

What would you say?

If I told you I believe the Bible is true
It's Words are life
It is itself alive and active
It is relevant
That it would be written exactly the same today as it was then
It is a weapon for us to use against the devil
And it's a letter from our Creator to us - for the revelation of His character, love, grace, and our purpose

Would you agree?

If I said that Hell is a real place
A place of eternal darkness, despair and anger
A place where the hope of forgiveness, redemption and relationship with God is forever lost
A place where the devil reigns,
That the devil is real and so are his demons
That hell is a place that the devil wants you to believe isn't real

How would you respond?

What if I told you these three things, Heaven, Hell and The Bible, will endure
Longer than this life - for they were before us and go on without us
For all of eternity
Unchanging - except for those that find citizenship there daily.
This is my reality.
But it's not just mine - it is reality
It is reality that so many choose to deny

"It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

For the Love of reality checks, truth, and striving to live in the power of eternal reality,
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The Plague Of Enough

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Serving enough?
Giving enough?
Working enough?
Resting enough?
Loving enough?
Talking enough?
Listening enough?
Compassionate enough?
Doing enough?

And how much is enough?

The question nags at our souls and leaves us feeling inadequate.
There is no answer for enough.
There is always more.

But He came to be enough for us.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." - Romans 8:1-2

Because He is enough
In Him, we too are enough

The plague of enough is one of the world
A world of joy stealing comparison
A world full of judgement clouding pride
And a world full of decisions made in impatience
A world of inadequate circumstances, situations and people
Who desperately need set free from themselves
And immersed in Christ

In this world
We are enough as ourselves in Christ 
Created to be in Him
Free from comparison
Free from pride
Full of long-suffering in a world that is temporary

"He has showed you what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." - Micah 6:8 

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The Life of Joseph, And a Mom of Courage

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The story of Joseph is complicated, filled with trials and triumphs
It is at times despairing and then hopeful
Joseph was a dreamer, a favorite, but despised, a slave, a prisoner and a ruler
His life was riddled with tribulation
But through it all God was with him

The thought of a child
Wandering - facing impossible circumstances, tests of faith and of will
It grieves my heart
I acknowledge God's sovereignty,
I don't fully understand
But I believe in His plan and purpose
I think of all the mistakes I made
And how my parents allowed me to make them
How courageous
How trusting 
How faithful they were
I can see how God has redeemed me
All of me
The mistakes, the lies
The falters in times of trial
The pain of loosing, the joy in finding the truth
I can see
How I've been refined
How I am still being refined

Yet, when I think of the lives of my children
Though I say I believe
Though I say I trust
And I want to
It's hard to open my hand and truly given these two back to Him
But faith without action is empty
The time will come when the choice is not mine to make for my children
A time when I will have to allow them to make their own mistakes
There will be a time when true faith requires the action of letting go
Believing that God will redeem
Trusting that trials refine and are the only thing that can create perseverance and hope
There will be a time when the only thing I will be able to do is let go and courageously fall to my knees
Petitioning the one who never left Joseph, has never left me
And will be an unchanging constant in the lives of the two I've been trusted with for a few short years

For the love of courage, redemption, active faith, and a constant God,

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. - 1 Corinthians 4:2
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I wonder....

Sunday, October 6, 2013

I came across this article posted online in the Kansas City Star
Side Note: It is a sad but true reality that the majority of my news input is found on Facebook
In the above article a furloughed employee is quoted as saying:
"We didn't create the government or the programs we work on.  HUD doesn't get lots of attention, but we help keep roofs over the heads of millions of senior citizens, handicapped folks and kids."
And that's true.
This man didn't create HUD,
Neither did my father-in-law (also furloughed) create the EPA
I would venture a guess most people accepted jobs they had a passion for
Helping people, sustaining the environment.
At least I hope that's the motivation.
Caring, Meeting needs.

Typically the government and it's issues don't spur me to conversation
I would even describe myself, at times, as politically apathetic
That statement has it's own set of issues, but I'm not going to divulge those now.

We have come to this place of dependence and complacency
A place where we turn to a government, and it's programs for help rather than God.
Creator of the Universe - who spoke, spoke the stars into existence
Ruler over all - who establishes Kings and give authority
Who can also destroy kingdoms and establish new
Who sent the true light that gives light to every man into the world
And God,
Who loved us enough to send a Savior to redeem us back to Him

Why do we look anywhere but to Him?
Because we are an impatient people
Seeking the immediate rather than the eternal.
We are a  selfish people
Prone to follow our hearts rather than search for truth.
We are a needy people
In need of redemption and faith
True faith, that dictates our actions, and limits our reactions.

And where is the Church?
Are we living the religion that is acceptable as pure and faultless?
"to look after orphans and widows in their distress"
AND "to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

We can argue regulations, people, natural consequences, justice, societal norms and math.
But are we living it?
Where is the Church?
Are we;
Devoted to the apostles teaching?
Devoted to the fellowship, and to the breaking of bread?
Devoted to prayer?
Are we filled with awe at the miraculous power of God?
Giving to to everyone as he has need?
Are we glad with sincere hearts?

Father you've not been secretive in what you desire.
Where am I?
Do not let me be deceived.
I am a piece of your church a small brick joined to the Cornerstone.
Uniquely purposed and positioned.
Am I living it?  
Is there worldly pollution of my soul?
Again, Father do not let me deceive myself - but spur me on to love and good deeds as I am called
While my body is here, may I be faithful
Faithful to live as a stranger and alien
With a sincere heart, imitating the faith of the leaders who spoke the Word of God, considering the outcome of their way of life.
The outcome is eternal.
Show me how I need to sacrifice the immediate to be the living stone you've called me to be.

Hebrews 13:7,  James 1:27, 1 Peter 2:4-10, Acts 2:42-47, Jeremiah 17:9, Romans 3:22-24, John 3:16, John 1:9, Genesis 1:14-18, Romans 13:1, Luke 1:52, Colossians 1:16, James 2:14-18

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Shake That Chekere

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The sound resonated off concrete walls and cool tile floors
Rhythmic snare, bellowing bass and the smooth voices of Miss Lisa and Brother John
"Hello-how are ya- nice to meet ya"
We chanted in rhythm, and shook hands with strangers
As the jazz music played.

She danced her way to the front, arms swinging, body swaying, smile beaming.
A room filled with strangers,
Yet, there is neither cowardess or fear of judgement
She is
And they see her

I sway in my seat as if the beat itself is moving me
Taking pictures and recording moments
Toes tapping, and heart swelling
Taking in the beauty and joy she gives away
By simply,

For the love of Jazz, Being free and Brave enough to share who we are on the inside, And my expressive little girl, 

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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

There is a balance to be found in the everyday
Tasks vs. Moments
Taking time and still Keeping a schedule
Normalcy or Spontaneity
It's a teeter-totter

24 hours a week I take care of critically ill children
Despite best efforts, prayers, and tears
I've stood, a helpless observer, as little ones are released into the arms of Jesus
I've watched us "save" teens for a life of dependence
Relinquishing them back into the care of their parents, hundred-plus pound forever infants

Is there any task worth missing a moment amidst the vapor of our life?

24 hours a day, 7 days a week I take care of two healthy blessings
I woke up today
We all woke up today
Fever wearies her little body
But in the midst a moment, undeserved, cherished
To be filed away for the days it's not so easy, and caring is over-thrown by selfishness
It will happen, it's just humanity
Witness this moment, watching him care warmed my soul,
And I was frozen there, watching love and relationship happen

To get on a teeter-totter alone is to be weighted on the ground
Or stuck in a continual state of effort- pushing, jumping, floundering
We need each other
But even more we need the One who can balance life for us
Cancel our debt
Offer perspective, though we may not always love it
See us for who we really are - and love us anyway
We need a relationship with the One who came with grace and truth to make God known to us
Who gives one blessings after another from the fullness of His grace
John 1:16-18

I stand, as a guide to them,
He stands as my redeemer, balancing all my mistakes, giving me more grace and undeserved blessing
And though there are days I try to control and hold them with a closed hand
Daily I am called to release them into the will and arms of Jesus
I can not save my children, but claim the promise of Isaiah 49:25
And I pray their lives will be one of dependence, relationship, and moments.

I woke up today and climbed on the teeter-totter
Praise God, He's on it with me.
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What's In A Name?

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Your body strained for breath
Helpless, I could not breathe for you
They whisked you away
Leaving my arms empty and my heart aching
Emotions I never imagined existing or feeling - until you were in my arms, and then gone
My head clouded with emotion and questions
Unfamiliar emotion
Questions I could not answer

We named you Ethan
We named you "Warrior"
We named you "Strong One"
I needed you to be a warrior
I needed you to fight
Fight for breath
Fight to know us
Fight to live

We named you Samuel
We named you "Called By God"
We named you "God Has Heard"
I needed God, in a way I had never needed before
I needed Him to hear us
I needed Him to heal you
I needed Him to call you His own, but let you be mine

We prayed
We waited
He answered
And your name was fulfilled

Eight years you have been mine
I pray our years together are many more
And for you my Strong One
I still pray and I hope

I hope, That your breath is not wasted;
Giving words proper respect
- they are not to be uses carelessly, but cautiously
Speaking the truth
- with a loving heart
Enriching others with words of wisdom and knowledge
- shining the light you are blessed to carry
Showing kindness
- using words to build up not tear down

I hope, That your life is fully LIVED;
Being yourself
Loving deeply
Thinking even deeper
Unselfishly giving and serving
Enjoying the creation around you
Running, Fishing, Playing, Writing
Following the WAY, and leading others in it
Standing firm

I hope, That you will BE;
Be A warrior
- who puts on the full armor of God, and stands firm against the devil
- who lives in the light and fights against the darkness
Be strong
- understanding this life is about more than today and about more than just yourself
- standing up for what is right, what is true and for the ones you love
Be called
- listen for His voice
- seek His wisdom
- follow His example and His leading

Saying these words makes my heart, again, ache
Because living in such a way will make you different
Different isn't easy, but it is what we are called to be

For the Love of my eight year old boy, the only name we could agree on, and unsettling hopes and prayers to a God who listens and answers,

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First-World Problems

Saturday, September 21, 2013

During my daily Facebook scroll I read this blog post
A letter to the North American church

The afternoon brought carved out time to spend with friends.
Three genuine ladies who lift me up by just being themselves and filling my home
While our children played, decorated cupcakes, snuck M&M's, and sang "Happy Last Day Of Being Seven To You"
We shared life over a cup of coffee
There's no need to waste breath on small talk, and it's refreshing sharing joys as well as failures, moments of clarity and peace as well as struggles and insecurities.
We talked about living life as Christians - here, in this place, in this moment, surrounded by our children, and in the reality of dysfunction that is life.
What are we teaching them, not just from text books, but from our actions, reactions and habits.
It was good...

And later, just before bed and a second scroll through Facebook this...
"There's a blog post to be written about the attitude of the lady in Panera this evening who was told that the type of bread she wanted was unavailable and what it says about the culture we live in..."

We do not live in a Third-World Country
Our homes have multiple rooms, sometimes multiple levels
Our freezers and pantries are full
And there are four different grocery store options within a two-mile radius of most homes
Said grocery is overflowing with items, most pre-packaged and unnecessary
A walk through Target will offer you 172 different types of hand soap, body wash and shampoo
We get coffee from drive through windows and find individualized ways to take it
Baking and Cooking are tasks easily subbed out to the restaurant down street
And our cars full of gasoline, which required their own savings account for maintenance get us there
And we have money to pay for all of the above
We live in a world of excess
In a First-World Country
God, the creator of the universe, who spoke stars into existence
God, our maker, who knit together our being
Placed us here, in this time, in this place
To be different
In our actions
In our speech
In our way of life
There are a lot of "First-World Problems"
And yeah, I get caught up complaining about them too
Car issues, and cost of maintenance - Grocery store trips - Budgets - Menu planning - Etc.
If we claim to be Christians - followers of Christ,
First-World Problems are NOT supposed to be OUR problems

"To God's elect strangers, in the world...who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood..."

He knew where I was going to land
He has a plan
Sanctification does not happen over night - it's a LIFE LONG process
But we have to pursue it
Be obedient - in this place, in this time
And accept the Lordship of Jesus in our lives
How that all looks?
I'm still working on it
And until I get it, I'm trusting HE has it all worked out, I just need to be faithful.

First-World Problem people need JESUS
Just like the people with Third-World Problems
And if we know HIM, We've got work to do.

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Self fulfilling prophesy

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The tone of the day was set by the phrase
"I don't want to do school today"
An honest, but irritating expression from my almost eight year old
And at every turn there seemed to be friction
Today, "A" was not for Adam or Apple
A was for A.TTI.TUDE
And I had my fill

There are a LOT of things I don't really WANT to do everyday;
1. Laundry
I can not think of a day when I've woken up and said "Wow! I really want to do laundry today!"
2. Cooking
I mean, sometimes it just feels like work and all those Pinterest recipes taunt my lack of desire and available ingredients. 
3. Ironing
Let's be honest, I don't iron, so we can probably scratch off #3
4. Cleaning
Scrubbing toilets, dusting cobwebs and swiffering floors 

And so we discussed
Discussed how our view of things,
Our focus
Our attitude
Could make normal, necessary tasks go well, or seem heavy
There wasn't notable impact from our talk
Which was disappointing
We had today,
And today we had each other
And all
Though my cup felt poured out to empty
I know the ONE who can fill it to overflowing

And He is infinitely more patient, more loving, more merciful...
Just infinitely MORE than me
I am SO thankful that He IS
God is good
Grace is undeserved
But still He gives it, and His mercies are new every morning

For the love of undeserved grace, attitude adjustments, and cherishing today

Lamentations 3:22-23
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Just as I am

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Papers haphazardly strewn on the dining room table, dishes from cooking, legos and barbies littering the floors 
It goes something like this... 
I awaken post-night-shift to full afternoon sunlight and the sound of happy kids or mostly happy kids,  My husband, worried that I didn't get enough sleep, tires to coax me to drift off again 
He is wonderful, 
And has kept afore mentioned kids quiet and content with each other while I sleep 
[FYI: I think our kids hit the dad lottery jack-pot] 
But I get up anyway 
My arms hug mini-me and mini-him, but my eyes go straight to the mess 
And then my brain experiences some kind of disorder 
I have both a physical and emotional response to the diorganization that comes with our normal life that surfaces when I'm not a part of it 
After a deep breath, and a little pep-talk - disarming my overreatction I go to "fixing" it 
And remember why I love US 
WE function and work best when we are all present and working together 

I am an accidental homeschool mom - 
Figuring it out as I go [but that's just life - isn't it?] 
It wasn't EVER my plan, 
But I think it always was the plan 
The plan for now anyway 
So, in the midst of adjusting, attitudes, success and watching them grow 
I'm doling out stickers whenever a moment presents, often multiple at a time 
And sometimes I even give them to myself 

Wait... What?! 
Yep - I'm flawed 
Swayed by emotion 
Prideful (I mean what humble person gives themselves stickers) 

Even more fun to check off 
Did you see above? 
A LIST of all well, some of my flaws 
To-Do, Menus, Grocery, Lesson Plans, Schedule, Honey-Do, Pros/Cons
You can truly make a list for just about anything 
Fact -- I spent 1.5 hours making a list of possible breakfast/lunch options so the kids could participate in menu planning, and enjoyed every second 
 Silly right? 

For the love of lists, organization, stickers, knowing who and whose I am but not being defined by the little things,

Psalm 139:1&13-14

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Monday, September 9, 2013

You are
A weaving of emotions, talents, weaknesses and strengths that are uniquely yours knit together by the master weaver of the universe
An eclectic collection of colors, and brush strokes painted by the creators hand
One of a kind
The only you
And me, the only me

So why is it we struggle to see ourselves?
To feel talented, worthy, beautiful...more?

Some of us forget that we are Gods masterpiece IN Christ Jesus
And some of us need to move INTO Christ
For the masterpiece your life is intended to be can only be fully realized when lived within the grace of a Savior 
Surrender your idea of beauty, to the revelation of who He made you to be
Accept He is the artist and master weaver
And He calls you His greatest work of art

You are 
A weaving of emotions, talents, weaknesses and strengths that are uniquely yours knit together by the master weaver of the universe
An eclectic collection of colors, and brush strokes painted by the creators hand
One of a kind
The only you
And me, the only me

 Be a Masterpiece

Ephesians 2:10
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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Drinking coffee, with open bibles we sat amongst the other customers,
Espresso brewing, milk frothing, dishes clanging and conversations humming.
He hovered around the table, I knew he was listening
But we just carried on - diving into the old law and the prophets promises.
Then he pulled up a chair...
Small prodding questions first and then this
"I mean, how do you reconcile the God of the old testament with the God of the new?"
I'm pretty sure I repeated his question back to him first
And gave it my best...I managed to get in the part about relationship (which I guess is what the Spirit knew he needed to hear),
But if I could do it over here is how I would answer
I believe it's proven in the Bible that
God is incapable of inconsistency
He is who He is,
Unwavering and consistent
ALL the time.
If we choose not to look at the complete Word of God it may seem He is different
I can't say I understand all the actions of God
But it is not mine for deciphering.
I do know for certain that consistently from creation, to today God is the same in that
We see it...
As he walks in the garden calling for Adam
Like a father, wanting what is best for his children,
He gives the Israelites laws to follow
Laws to keep them from sinning,
Laws that carry a conditional promise of blessing but also the promise of  a curse
For sin only separates us from Him and brings painful consequences,
And when required
He imparts punishment and judgement, consistently just, true to his promise.
We see Him
Rescue His children when they repent and call out for help
And ultimately we watch Him
Offer up the perfect sacrifice for our sin
Giving us a way to have a consistent relationship with Him
And today we have His complete Word
Whispered into the souls of men,
Penned by human hand
Spoken to us
Beneficial in every way
And we have an unhindered line of communication to Him IN Christ
There is no need for reconciliation of who God is
There is only need to reconcile who we will choose to be.
Will you choose to love Him?
To listen?
To obey Him?
To rely on His promises?
To trust He is who He says He is?
To be who He has made you to be?

If only I could be as consistent...
So until I am refined into the person He has made me to be
I will continue to try, to choose, to obey, to listen, and to be.

For the Love of real life moments, consistent forgiveness, espresso with cream and God's Word 

Genesis 3
Deuteronomy 11 & 30
Judges 6 & 7
John 3:16-21
2 Timothy 3:15-17
Hebrews 6:17-20
Joshua 24:15
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I resign

Friday, August 30, 2013

Tuesday was day 9 of our home-school experience
Frustration piled on top of impatience, and bad attitudes
And in a wave of emotion
I resigned from my role as home-school teacher
[via text message]
I explained to the G-academy principal
I would continue in my role as 
Laundry lady
But could no longer accept the position of teacher
(You'd think sleeping with the principal would help me get my way)
Our principal, a patient man, who remains unshaken by the waves of my emotions
Refused to accept my resignation.
And so,
I resigned, to take 5 (which was more like 35)
Free read and quite time is a beautiful thing
I heated up my coffee for the 46th time
Rifled through a pile of papers to find Jacob's love note from the other day
Soaked in his words, a personalized rewrite of Proverbs 3:10-15
Most days, I do not feel like the woman he sees...
He loves me more than I deserve, 
I took a deep breath and allowed the truth he sees to saturate me
After straightening the couch cushions, and fluffing the pillows
I plopped my weary self down for a talk with my Heavenly Father
"I can't do it"
"Did I mis-hear you -This IS what I'm supposed to be doing, right?"
"This isn't easy, and I'm tired"
"Are you sure this was the plan?"
"I'm not good enough or patient enough"
"I need your help..."
And I left it there at His feet....
I resigned.
Resigned, That I could not
But through Him
I could
And He said - "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"
"You can do all things through Christ, because He will give you strength - rely in My strength"
"Be strong and courageous and do the not be discouraged, for I am with you and will not fail you."

For the Love of, Encouraging husbands, and Resigning to rely on HIM, everyday,

2 Corinthians 12:19, Philippians 4:13, 1 Chronicles 28:20
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Robots, Uncles, Questions and Faith

Thursday, August 29, 2013

In a time of beauty
Amidst pure relationship, trust and faith
Doubt hissed
"Did God really say?"
She questioned
Then, sought to be like God
Instead of trust in God
Genesis 3:1-4

In a time of triumph
Between darkness and miracles
Unbelief taunted
"Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side I will not believe"
He doubted
But, was not rebuked
For when he saw, he believed
John 20:24-29

CS Lewis said:
"If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad.  
And freewill is what made evil possible.  
Why, then, did God give them freewill?  
Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.  
A world of automate – of creatures that worked like machines – would hardly be worth creating.  
The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him."
Then Uncle Josh added...
"I also think that He created us with freewill, because we were created in His image.  
When we look at ourselves, we see people seeking love, and the need to be part of a family.  
God wants us to choose Him, but gave us the choice to do so, because He did not want a forced love, but an authentic love from His creation.  
But as CS Lewis said this is also the reason how and why we hurt Him, because He gave us a choice."

Still today the choice remains...
Seek to be like God
Seek God
He will not rebuke your questions
But show you the answers

Matthew 7:7: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened.
John 3:16-17: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that who so ever would believe in him would not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 16:33: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world.

I choose Him.

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Big Thoughts Brown Eyes

Thursday, August 22, 2013

He wasn't one to climb out of the crib
There was no wake of toy destruction nor emptying of cabinets

His words were few, but always mighty
Talking early and surprising us with his love for learning

Quiet, content to be held and listen to a book or sit solo on the floor pushing his cars

Today there is no crib,
And more often than we would like lumbering steps awaken us as he climbs from his loft bed,
Desperate to receive reassurance that the darkness is just that,
Darkness, and nothing more.

Legos are as miniature-mines threatening to pierce your feet
Dirty clothes litter the remain floorspace
Nothing is invaluable and countless works of art clutter his desk
The tip-toe method is often the best maneuvering tactic to get through his room.

His words remain few
His thoughts big and bigger, sparingly shared
But when shared - he challenges me to think, push beyond my comfortable faith.
Of late he's been thinking about God
Why He made us
Gave us free will and LET us sin
Why would He make something [us] that would hurt Him and make Him sad
Knowing ahead of time we would hurt Him and make Him sad

My brain does NOT work like that...
I would say God has blessed me with an unquestioning faith
I don't struggle to believe
I don't need references to history or archaeological evidence to solidify what is in the Word
[though it's definitely nice to know it's out there!]
HE is and so I believe

But I am glad he is a thinker,
So is his Uncle
I'm also glad those are the thoughts he chooses to share.
Because I get the chance to share what I've learned about God
How HE desires a RELATIONSHIP with us
I don't get why
HE is awesome and always GOOD
Me, not so much
But that's is why HE created us - to walk with us, everyday
Freewill, that's another ball of string
Slowly unraveling it, the short answer is
Forced love, forced obedience
Isn't really love or obedience at all
Choosing to obey out of love and respect
Not out of fear or duty
That is when it gets real
Loving is brave and
Obedience is a beautiful tribute to the ONE who loves you
Sin is just a part of this life
It is messy
And yeah, it does hurt our creator
But that's why HE made a PLAN for our sin problem to be fixed
And the solution's name is JESUS

My big brown eyed thinker
Accepted that solution
His name is written in the book
But that doesn't mean all the questions are answered
Or that obedience comes easy
It's still a daily choice
And I get to walk with him, as he walks with our KING
Prayerful every step that I get it as close to "right" as possible
And that there's GRACE covering all the times I don't.

For the love of a PLAN I don't have to understand fully, FAITH, Relationship with the Creator of the Universe, and being Mom to a "big thinker",
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" That's what a real man would do... "

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The basement transformed into an eat in theater.
Feet up and Lights low,
We became silent [well, mostly silent] observers to the story...
Walter is an unsure boy.
 He's spent most of his life deciphering his mom's lies and multiple boyfriends.
But when he's cast into the lives of two mysterious great-uncles - he finds something unexpected.
The treasure of family.
Walter grows into himself and learns to trust and admire the men that originally seemed cold as he listens to the stories of his uncles adventurous past.
Woven into his uncle's story is one of true love,
Though it is shadowed by sword fights, lions, shot-guns and the weight of Walter's reality... C is captivated by what else, but the love story.
So when the evil sheik claims Uncle Hups love as his own, captures her and locks her away - it looks as though true love really does die.
But, the music crescendos, and with swords drawn Hup rushes onto the scene...
As if she was the narrator, without reservation, escalating every line C chanted
"He would fight for her!"
"He would fight for her!"
"He would fight for her! 'Cause that's what a real man would do"
J and I just smiled at each other and held back our laughter.
Both a bit in shock, yet, both knowing her exclamation to be completely consistent with who she is.
And I hope she never forgets.
Never forgets -
Who she is,
Whose she is.
And that real men should fight for the ones they love.

For the love of family movie night, true love, and my expressive little girl,

"Greater love has no man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13
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Let's Pretend

Thursday, July 25, 2013

All my imagination was focused on being a grown up
The details didn't matter
Pillows and blankets, dirty feet, a blank slate of wood high up in a tree
Growing up
Seemed glamorous

But tonight surrounded by decisions that will shape E & C, budget constraints, amidst a scattered mess of needs-to-be-filed papers, princess dresses and throw pillows
Being grown up isn't glamorous
It's messy, and overwhelming

Pretending I'm back in the tree house, with my best friend and make-believe family won't take away my responsibilities or show me the future of my children.
Messy or not - trying or easy
I'm grown up
The thing I longed to be all my life

And just like HE was there when I imagined away my childhood
HE is here to walk me through being a grown up
HE knows the outcome
Little does HE care about the mess as long as my character is true
And if feeling overwhelmed, it's because I haven't relinquished my cares to HIM

So I don't have to pretend I have it all together
I'm just a girl, a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend
Who doesn't have it all figured out
But I've got a GOD who does
And I can grown in that...

For the love of messes that don't change your character, being responsible, trusting God, and not having it all figured out,

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Two little things

Monday, June 24, 2013

The ripples of water lap at you knees, rod in hand - casting
Setting and reeling, knoting and retieing.
Fishing - Still - Quiet - Peaceful - Patient
You lead our family with patience. 
Limited expectations of the insignificant details, you enjoy the moments.
Patient during instruction; be it how to play a game, improve a skill or in our devotion time
When you listen; you're still and really listen - quiet, hearing my heart and my emotions,
And during the late night post bedtime ramblings of E, and the inscent chattering of imagination from C - still, patient, quiet, listening.
I'm thankful for the fisherman in you
Beads of sweat roll down your cheeks, arms pumping, feet churning
Pushing ahead in the darkness, toward a goal as the sun rises with your strides
Running - Unswayed - Determined - Committed - Focused
You lead our family with unswayed commitment.
In times of uncertainty, you give us direction - remind us of our goals and keep us going
You seek the Lord for us and drive us to do the same

You keep us consistent, push us to give our best, and make us smile while doing it
In times of triumph you celebrate big and give us all your love and joy
Pressing on as a family
I love the runner in you

Two little things that contribute to the wonderful husband and dad that you are,
I love you
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Dear World

Friday, June 7, 2013

Mind wheeling; it's a process that grants release, 
The cursor blinks begging for words
The keys pulse under finger tips and the text flows
Ordinary, but seldom profound
Imagined, hormonal, and over-coming
Perceived, self-impressed and letting-go
Past, and present
Creating courage, and dreams for another day
In life and in moments
Blogging [for me]
Is often a Dear Diary dialogue
An emotional vomit of expectations and experiences
Quests that have made me into the person I am
Instances that shape how I handle the everyday and face the future
An unveiling of the inside
An inside that isn't always secure, or pretty or nice and seldom funny (except for that one time), but always Sincere.

For the love of blogging, writing, dear diary moments, the release of emotion, and the idea that someone else may glean from my imperfection and experiences,
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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Blue and orange pounded the pale grey
My mind wandered as the music played, feet keeping step to the beat
When the fragrance of the flowering bush carried me away.
To another place,
Another time,
When the 10 minutes between Sunday School and Church seemed like hours
Hiding in the thick flowering-bushes, pressing against the brick, avoiding the bees
And in rain, racing sticks
When church was filled with family and those that knew you the same

Then the smell of lighter fluid and burning charcoal pushed me forward
Past the years of silence,
And into the ones where we were friends, but not room-mates
I was sitting in your condo on my couch
Cheif's game playing
Burgers sizzling, Chips crunching,
E napping on your chest
When family was close and they were your best friends

The further I ran the further it slipped away
Pale in comparison to my bright shoes which continued at pace
And my thoughts circled
To this time,
And this place
The sound of his voice reading to their listening ears welcomed me home

I'm the mom, and trying to teach them to be friends
Playing in the yard, racing on the sidewalk, bouncing on the trampoline
Dirty laundry, and an art work cluttered table

Family outside our four is removed,
Distance forcing intention or complacency creating absence
When they prod, and question about a move "home"
It gets under my skin,
Then I take a breath,
Really, I get what they're saying, and that is "I love you, and miss you"
That place where they are isn't home anymore
It doesn't mean we don't love each other
Just, that our lives have different places they fit,
Contrasting places we've made into home
It's okay
Because we have a forever home
And we will all be there together someday
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Sunday, May 12, 2013

There was a time 
Arguing and dusty corners went together well
When blankets with chairs for support beams made elaborate tents
And laundry dripped dry while the queen gave orders to her slave boy
And mom, 
She was always there 
Allowing us to be children
Encouraging us to be ourselves
Even if that meant trading her vision of a little girl in pink frilly dresses 
For a tom-boy with tangled curls in pants and t-shirts
Embracing dirty faces, bare feet, make believe and mischief
Providing the blankets and setting up support beams
Cleaning up the messes
Separating and sending fighters to their corners when needed
We were hers 
And when there came a time I questioned her judgement
She would reply
"You'll understand when you have kids someday"
And she was right
About everything
Kids need to be kids
They need to create, imagine and make make messes
Be encouraged to be themselves
They need discipline 
To hear no
And then hear I love you
They need you to be there
I do understand 

I love you mom - Happy Mothers Day
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It's Not Fair

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Broken hearted
She sobbed
And screamed
Hurling her body to the cold floor
A heap of hysteria
Cradled by her mother
But refusing comfort

There was nothing more we could do
Our hearts ached for them
We held back tears
We worked tirelessly to give them support, even hope

But, it was her brother
It was their son
And they had to tell him goodbye
They didn't plan on today
And she was right
It wasn't fair

But this life
It's not fair

And I wrestled
If He knit us together in our mothers wombs
Why would He knit in imperfection?
But I felt a peace
And the Word spoke to me
"'For my thought are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways' -declares The Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)
So I praised Him
For being sovereign
Being present
Giving me hope

And I whispered a prayer of comfort for her
Believing that her brother was at peace
Cradled in the arms of Jesus
No more imperfection
But perfectly whole

This life isn't fair
But with Jesus it is worth living

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Good Day Ever...

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Memaw is here
And today is Memaw date day
Sun shining, bright moods, and time off school

Plans were laid out for an adventurous day
Excitement could not be contained
There were shouts of joy
Lots of them

Following a Chick-Fil-A lunch
The perfect start to any date when kids are involved
(and sometimes when they're not!)
E began to proclaim
But his "BEST" was cut short in thought
Sounding more like "Beeeeeee...hmmm
And Followed by...
"I'm not sure I can say best day ever, because I haven't had all my days...
But when I've had all my days then I'll be dead..."
To which C interjected, "but you'll be in heaven"
"GOOD DAY EVER!"  E shouted
And repeated and repeated
And Repeat x a thousand
Laughing and enjoying his day

So here's to enjoying the days
Because this one we have
And if its shaping up to be what might seem like the best
Call it out
Recognize the joy in the moment
The blessing of right now
 as GOOD!
And may you all have a GOOD DAY EVER!

For the love of happy children, an incredible mom who is now an incredible Memaw, and a good day!

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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

His brown eyes sincere and sweet
With a shading of ornery
Believing, Trusting, Kind

If I had it my way
I would not choose this
This family
It's messy and awkward

But he sees the good
The potential
The need
And so he did what was needed.
And invited him to church

His invitation opened the door
For conversation
A glimpse into their reality
And empathy

His invitation opened the door
To her asking about my beliefs
1 Peter 3:15
And I laid it all out
The fall
Our need for a savior
Jesus - God's son
A perfect life lived
Death on a cross - the penalty for our sins
Acceptance of God's grace
The transferring of Jesus perfection onto us
Learning to live for God's purpose
Acting in obedience because of love

Still, she had hesitation
But a seed was planted
And permission granted
We could take her son to church

He forced me to be brave
And I hope we're all better for it
All for the glory of God
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Why I Care...

Monday, April 22, 2013

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord...But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.

- Jeremiah 17:5&7


Rummaging through a box of high school memories I found a paper I wrote 13 years ago
A paper on beauty
Beauty that is more than skin deep
Beauty that radiates from the inside-out

I've been trying to reconcile within me
The girl who wrote that,
The girl that knew the truth,
But acted as
A girl who did not believe it.

The one too self-conscious to take a compliment
The one who always wanted a boyfriend
And settled for less than God's best
It was a slow, progressive stripping of beauty

One, seemingly insignificant, compromise
Leading to life compromises

Frozen, by the fear of being unforgivable
Polluted by the world
A white washed tomb
Holding only to a form of godliness

It was a slow walk into the darkness
But there I was
My light, just a flicker

But conscious stricken

Yet, when confession lead to disappointment
It was hard to believe in forgiveness
The fading continued

Compromises have consequences
Painful consequences
Alienating consequences
And eventually, the pain took over

Like a bad dream
I had taken something beautiful
And wasted it

So I lay on sunflowers
Surrounded by pills
A utility knife
And contemplated

When a knock interrupted my thoughts
She came to say she was thinking of me
We sat outside
I lied and said I was "fine"

I remember it was windy, or cold
Or maybe it was me
Maybe I was cold
Tossed and void

She said she was praying for me
We said goodbye
I closed the door
And washed my soul in tears

That was the beginning of a renewed belief
Belief in forgiveness
A personalized faith

And a new walk
This time, out of the darkness
Many steps to take
But steps, I would not take alone

Steps into life
Life that lasts
Life that is meaningful
Still sometimes messy
But full of grace
And everyday redemption

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the dessert and streams in the wasteland."
- Isaiah 43:18-19

 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone the new has come!
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:3

He took the ugly
Gave it purpose
And set in my heart - an aching for those fighting through the darkness
All for His glory
I Care
Because He cares
And He calls me too

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My girl

Monday, April 8, 2013

As we walked
My heart got full, holding her hand
Her toothless smile captivated me
And our conversation danced between reality and make-believe

I wanted to net her words 
Type them
Forever captured
A description of 
Her imagination
Her joy
Her spirit
Her life as six
I waited 
Waited too long 
And all the details are fuzzy
The blinking cursor taunting my lack of recall
But my heart has perfect clarity
And I will remember our moment
Soaking up the sun
Hands folded together
Sharing life
Loving who we are
Thankful that God picked her to give to me

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My friends mod-podge, staple gun and hot glue

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Thanks to Pintrest
And my biological clock sensing Spring
In spite of the snow
I've been projecting
Not putting my feeling onto others
And irrationally hiding from my own psychological dysfunction
Completing projects

First I took our mail-littered, cluttered counter


I Put away the Z-Bars
And made a filing system
Each file uniquely it's own shade or pattern 
Mod-podge, card-stock, ugly green hanging files and a clear hanging file box from Target (clearance)

Which made my counter look like

We shall see how long I'm able to keep it like this :)

Re-purposing old frames
Glass was broken, fame color didn't match
Enter acrylic paint, foam-sponge brushes
Hot glue
Foam Board
Push pins

Broken, Vintage (aka old), Rescued (aka my friends found it cleaning out their basement)
Thoroughly cleaned
Made to look shabby-chic with some acrylic blue pain (dry brush technique and water)
Verse (a 2013 family verse), written in paint pen
Wooden G from Hobby Lobby (painted white)
Card stock

I also re-covered our dining room chairs
Our two have a habit of using the cushion for a napkin
And these chairs have been with us the duration of their lives
From baby food to cereal and spilled milk
They were gross
You'll just have to trust me
Tool screwdriver to remove cushion from chair
Fabulous upholstery fabric from Hobby Lobby (SALE)
And my trusty staple gun


For the love of hot glue, turning on the creative, my staple gun and motivation to make change-cheap,

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Report Card

Monday, April 1, 2013

We're in the phase of life
Where S and S+ are the desired letters of choice
As I reviewed the cards stating my children's time in school was
"Satisfactory" or "Satisfactory +"
E asked if he had a good report
And we read through all the subject and his teachers comments
Yes, he had a good report.
And then over his soggy bowl frosted flakes, with the questionable milk
A life moment
"Mom, what's my spiritual report card look like?"
Deep breath
"Well...buddy, I think that's between you and God."
And that's true,
But sitting here in the quiet
After the rush of back-packs, lunch packing, shoes, cleaning up the soggy cereal, spilling the mouth wash, changing clothes, washing faces, brushing teeth, jumping in the car and then out again.
I want to answer different...
Because I'm pretty sure our card, at least my card records a lot of ugly things
U for unsatisfactory, N for needs improvement
And L for lost
But covering all the ugly words, unloving moments, failures and imperfections is one word
And a big letter S for SAVED
---We'll have this talk later with scripture references.

For the Love of second chances to have moments that matter,

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A Day Like Any Other

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Moms caring for their babies
Dads pushing through the traffic
Siblings getting on each others nerves
Acquaintances and co-workers hashing out political differences
Arguing about religion, or placidly talking about the weather
Steps hurried, and determined, with places to be and work to accomplish

People, just getting through another day;
Some going through the motions of life
Some living with purpose and passion
Some all together giving up
It was a day like any other for most

A day unlike any other for ONE
On this day
He plead for there to be another way
But, accepted in faith the road he must walk
Accused by liars.
He stared into the eyes of a friend and felt the sting of denial

Unjustly, beaten while blindfolded
And spat on.
Silently bearing the pain of both the tongue and the lash
He transfered all the sins of the whole world
The world that was
And the world that was yet to be
Onto himself
And gave his perfect life as a sacrifice for all our imperfections
My imperfections.

Some call it "Good Friday"
In my human understanding it doesn't seem good
Yet, the good was not in his suffering
But in our justification to God
No longer separated, the curtain torn forevermore
But still he was gone, his body destroyed, his soul offered up

Two long days...
For some triumphant hours, and for others sorrowful

But the third day
An empty tomb, and a risen Lord
A radiant body that walked through walls,
With scars that matched his wounds, 
But also one that could eat.
And a message for the world
"go into all the world and make disciples, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded.  And surely, I am with you always even to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:19-20
" this life you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world" - 1 John 16:31-33

And so, there is another day coming
It will be a day like any other
We will be caring for our babies
Rushing to work
Focused on school
Chatting with friends
Sleeping in our beds
And He will return for us
 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into.  So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.
“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns.  Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.  But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards.  The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of.  He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." - Matthew 24:42-51

"Jesus replied, 'Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.' " - John 14:23-25

And so today
May I live in grace
Loving through obedience
Serving others
Giving glory to God
Accepting the road I travel on with faith
Knowing my life has a purpose
And when it's hard
Remember He knows how it feels, He's walked a harder one
And He's overcome anything I might face
Looking forward to the day He returns

Happy Easter

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Sunday School Writing Revelations

Monday, March 25, 2013

I'm not skinny
I can't buy regular length jeans
My hair is wavy
It seems my best friends are petite
My husband can loose 5 pounds just by running a mile
That last one may be an exaggeration

I've wasted too much time
Trying to alter and adjust the version of me
HE created
And I never stopped to think how that would make God
My creator feel

TRUTH - It makes him angry

Contentment is a CHOICE
Choosing God
His provision
His plan
And His creation

Through Numbers 11, the Holy Spirit gave me this conclusion.
When we choose to complain about our circumstances or the qualities that makes us who we are – we are acting with hearts that are ungrateful to God.  God, who made us who we are and has provided for us everything we need.  

I can not imagine eating manna, and only manna, for who knows how many days
After so long, I imagine, I would forget the miracle of the provision
Just as I forget the meticulousness that was the knitting together of me inside my mother 31 years ago
HE thought about me, forming each piece both external and internal
LIFE is so much more
Than skinny jeans off the rack
Straight hair
And working with self-control to eat right and be a healthy weight
It's about glorying our creator
With all that we are
All that He created us to be

Psalm 139:13-14, Proverbs 19:23 and Philippians 11:4-13

For the love of insight into what really matters, repentance, and a thankful heart,
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The little things...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Sleeping in, or getting up with the sun
An empty schedule
Sun shine

Coffee and cream
Too loud silliness
Maracas made from shells and pebbles
Walking sticks
Wild flower bouquets
Heads resting on laps
Bird calls
Rocks of all sizes and colors
Still cold water
And time to, just be
A seemingly unimpressive list
Random pieces of our morning
That made it special
Because we're together

For the love of spring break, and taking a break,

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Don't Party Without Me

Thursday, March 7, 2013

My husband
From first meet
Has a habit of making me laugh
He's funny
Even when explaining his own jokes
It's what I found most attractive about him
Eight years later
His uncanny ability to interject sarcasm and wit still make me laugh
FYI, it's still attractive
And there's this joy he gets from my laugh
That makes laughing at even the worst joke worth it
It's part of what makes our life so happy
His gift for funny
And my love of laughing at with him

It was a normal evening,
Me slaving over a hot stove
J unloading and re-loading the dishwasher
The kids scattering legos for us to step on later in the living room
J's moments of wit are unplanned (most of the time)
Often strike when we're alone
Laughter is apart of most normal evenings
And as usual
Above the sound of dishes and cooking
My laughter echoed
Our first born rushed into catch the one-liner
But seeing he was too late
His simple and disappointed question was
"Why are you guys always partying without me?" 

I can't remember how we responded...
But I know we waited till he left the room to repeat and laugh some more

For the love of laughter, children, marriage, and partying,
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A Seasonally Affected February

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The cold is piercing
And the emptiness of outside
It's a barren time of year
And the grey consumes
Life is buried
Under hardened earth, and snow
Awaiting the sun

Air fills my lungs, but I can't breathe
I rise to face the day, but can't move
Like the daffodils, frozen beneath the snow
I'm frozen
Fighting the numbness and weight
Of the grey
Of the void
Of the lies

So I go through the motions
And smile like I mean it
It's imperfect
But forgiven
The sun permeates the grey
Melting the icy oppression
Truth pervades
Like rays of light warming through a window
Prayers raised bring peace
The void fills
Numbness bows to perception
And the grey morphs

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