My sweet sisters,

You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life, 

But, concerning the husband list we've lost sight of who God is

I've too often heard "I made my husband list and two weeks later my prince charming showed up, now two months later we're engaged and..."

Stop.  Stop, advertising God as a genie 

Genies give you what YOU want. 

But, God - He gives you something infinitely better, He gives you what you need.

Genies don't care about you, it's their job to grant your wish

With a genie you're in control

God cares about you, He cares about your soul, your eternity, your heart and your everyday

Not because it's His job to care, but because it's His nature

You know who else we advertise God to be when we claim our hand-written husband list brought us our God-given, Jesus-loving husband wrapped up neatly with all the qualities and characteristics we requested?

Santa Claus

Stop it.  You know that's not who God is

He is too worthy, and too good to be compared to such a character

Santa brings gifts to the good girls

God gives His gift freely to all the bad ones

And what of our unattached Christian friends?

What about their lists and their desires?

What about their waiting and hopes and heart aches?

Does God love you more?  Love them less?

Of course not.

So why in this one area do we advertise God to be any different than we know Him to be in all things?

Sometimes, I think it's mindless - it's how our life happened and we don't stop to think of how we're representing God

Then there's always the long-shot that our desires are exactly the same as God's (I wouldn't bank on it though) 

But, I fear mostly it's that we think a little more of ourselves than we ought in respect to how much control we have over this life

What if instead of writing 'husband lists' we started writing a helper list?

A list that consisted of our weaknesses, and strengths 

A list of our needs and inadequacies 

A list of our hearts desires, even if they don't match God's

A list filled with an honest plea to let God be in control, and to be used by Him

What we we started asking God to grow in us the qualities that make us worthy of being called His daughters, daughters that can be a good helper?

What if we started asking God what His expectations are of us, instead of expecting Him to deliver for us.

What if we asked God to be our sustainer, and believed He could be - even when it feels lonely.

What if we prayed that our lives would be a blessing to God, instead of asking Him to bless us.

What if we want a husband, what if we want to be a wife?

Then tell God, and wait patiently

And in the waiting you can remind Him, ask again and revise your help-list 

Making it full of honesty, emotion, and even more questions  - knowing God will provide the answers

Sister, stay focused on God

Make your list about loving Him, serving Him and trusting Him,

Not about a someday human him

God created you beautifully, and uniquely. 

Your life is not an accident, the mistakes, the heart aches, the successes and joys.  

The good He rejoices in, The ugly He redeems.

You are His treasure

Is He yours?

Maybe your purpose is to be a helper, but until that day comes.

Be His daughter

Because that is more than enough.

7 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Vows

Before worse fell, and poorer was a reality,

Before babies stole our sleep, my waist line and our time

Before we knew what it meant to be held and to have

We made a promise 

Unknowing what keeping it would require

You my love are not perfect

And there are days I give you my worst because I'm not perfect either

But you have me, 

And with you I'm better

All the seemingly insignificant little life stuff adds up 

And you keep showing up

Holding me in your actions

Making me smile, opening doors, doing dishes, prioritizing us

I remember the first time sickness stole my decency

And it didn't phase you

You just wanted to make it better

I'm not a very good patient, but you are patient

I didn't understand the depth of love

How it gives, acts, and grows

And I'm learning how to cherish us,

In the quiet, in the dark, in the ordinary and uncertainty, in prayers whispered and dreams shared  

In the middle of tired and routine - How do we keep our promise?

1. Have; have fun, and have each other- at our best, at our worst and in bed

2. Hold hands, eye contact, and on to truth

3. Love with actions; plan date nights, get aways, and do dishes

4. Speak honestly; say what you mean, mean what you say and when it's not "fine" don't sit in silence 

5. Give selflessly; give time, kisses, and without expectation

6. Walk humbly; your needs and feelings above mine, my needs and feeling above yours

7. FORGIVE; most of all this - because no one is perfect

Linking up with the Five Minute Friday writers

Hosted by the lovely Kate Motaung

When you need put back together

Light is too bright and sounds resonate inside my head
Routine makes me weary
Normal takes unnecessary effort
And there is always more to do
I am not myself
Broken
Impatient healing

He brushes the hair from my eyes
Holding my cheeks he whispers the words
"you are the glue - always giving and putting others before yourself - you hold us together"
His hands melt into mine and I rest on his shoulder
In peaceful, life giving silence
I rest

But I don't feel like the glue
I am overwhelmed by the mountain of laundry
And dusty shelves
And deadlines that won't be met
And one more night of take-out leaves me feeling inadequate
How can I hold everyone together when I can't hold myself together

I need held
Here in my impatience, and inability
I need pasted and pieced together
And here on his shoulder feeling like not enough
The Spirit breathes into our silence
...in Him all things hold together

So, for today I'm okay to be broken
Held together by a big God
Resting in His promises
Trusting His plan
Growing Patience
Learning to accept help
Thankful to be held

Colossians 1:17

One Word - Five Minutes - Wonderful Community - Lisa-Jo Baker

I resign

Tuesday was day 9 of our home-school experience
Frustration piled on top of impatience, and bad attitudes
And in a wave of emotion

I resigned from my role as home-school teacher
[via text message]

I explained to the G-academy principal
I would continue in my role as 

Janitor

Laundry lady

Cook

Mother
And 

Wife

But could no longer accept the position of teacher
(You'd think sleeping with the principal would help me get my way)
However

Our principal, a patient man, who remains unshaken by the waves of my emotions
Refused to accept my resignation.
And so,
I resigned, to take 5 (which was more like 35)
Free read and quite time is a beautiful thing
I heated up my coffee for the 46th time
Rifled through a pile of papers to find Jacob's love note from the other day
Soaked in his words, a personalized rewrite of Proverbs 3:10-15
Most days, I do not feel like the woman he sees...
He loves me more than I deserve, 
I took a deep breath and allowed the truth he sees to saturate me
After straightening the couch cushions, and fluffing the pillows
I plopped my weary self down for a talk with my Heavenly Father
"I can't do it"
"Did I mis-hear you -This IS what I'm supposed to be doing, right?"
"This isn't easy, and I'm tired"
"Are you sure this was the plan?"
"I'm not good enough or patient enough"
"I need your help..."
And I left it there at His feet....
I resigned.
Resigned, That I could not
But through Him
I could
And He said - "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"
"You can do all things through Christ, because He will give you strength - rely in My strength"
"Be strong and courageous and do the work...do not be discouraged, for I am with you and will not fail you."

For the Love of, Encouraging husbands, and Resigning to rely on HIM, everyday,
ME

2 Corinthians 12:19, Philippians 4:13, 1 Chronicles 28:20

2011 Blog-Year In Review

There were a mere 35 blog entries made in all of 2011.
That's less than 3 per month.
Resolve to document more in 2012.
And since you have nothing better to to than to re-read my 2011 blog entries I've hyper linked the months for easy access.

January - 50 Words for a great man's 50th birthday and Stepping-Up to a calling.
February - A blogging drought resolved, NOT 30 yet and loving my Valentine no Valentine's day needed.
March - Jamie Rocket
April - The beginning of Spring, loving life-group and Put-put with the newlyweds
May - The UN-end of the world
June - Running, The blahs in poem, and The start of summer
July - Spiritual Growth
August - A brush with death, So it says, E&C Updates, a 2011 record setting 7 blog entry month
September - BONUS
October - Judging Judges, Sioux Falls Marathon
November - 13.1 and Cousins
December - Merry Christmas from our family to yours

For my husband

It's been 5-years today - Happy Anniversary.

Jacob

You are my still and even-tempered fortress, my court-jester, and my encourager.
You easily diffuse the irrational within me, and remind me of the simple-important things.
You coax a smile and laughter from deep within that belongs only to you.
You foster a more-confident view of myself and tolerate my self-loathing moments.
You are more than an equal; you are a quiet leader and willingly serve our home and family.



We have shared unimaginable highs and endured heart-wrenching lows.
We have struggled with our own imperfections, but together our mountain of flaws are easier to climb.
We have gained insight into each others minds and hearts.
We have two beautiful children and cultivate the best in each other as parents.
We have grown together and individually making this family and our marriage better.



Year 1: I recall a general feeling of elation surrounding daily tasks. Scrubbing toilets, making dinner (which almost daily included dessert), picking up your smelly socks...the list could go on and on. We indulged in date-nights, relished each others company and catered to each others needs. Haddie came to live with us and challenged our authority and meager apartment. We learned our family of two was quickly to become a family of three. You graduated from college and began the job search. We made plans...
Year 2 : We moved from our apartment into our first home. You still didn't have a teaching-job, but we forged ahead making plans for me to work only part-time. You patiently tolerated and indulged my pregnancy "cravings" and laziness. I had my first "Mother's Day" as an expectant-mom. Haddie needed to find a new family due to our new-neighbors. With only one-till the start of school, you landed a great job and thus your career began at California Trail Junior High. We decided on the name Ethan Samuel for our little boy and he was born in September, but September was over a month early and we sat at his crib in prayer and watched with anticipation for him to grow stronger so we could bring him home. He came home and he grew, he was a quiet, easy-going baby with the temperament of his daddy. Just as we were adjusting to our new family of three, SURPRISE, we were pregnant again. You allowed me to sulk as I adjusted to the idea of another pregnancy, and after a week you spoke the harsh-but-kind words I needed to awakening me from my sullenness. And so we excitedly awaited the arrival of our second baby into our...
Year 3 : We found out our second baby was baby-girl, and we decided to call her Charlie (the only name we both could agree on). Ethan celebrated his 1st birthday and second Christmas. Josh and Abbey moved back to Fredonia and we grieved the loss of our closets friends and family. We made plans for me to cut-back from working after Charlie's arrival. When Charlie decided to come it was on her timeline, you escaped a speeding-ticket on the way to the hospital and after only two-hours at the hospital Charlie made her debut 2:12 am. She was healthy, but not a very happy baby, and her crying was soothed by very little we could provide. At 5 months she began to crawl and our Charlie-girl began to lighten-up a little. We lived as zombies, sleep-deprived and edgy- but we managed. Our first-home began to show it's normalcy and flaws - and we began to make some minor improvements, a flooded basement prompted us to begin deconstruction and remodeling sooner than anticipated, but we were beginning to learn our limits and our family pitched in. Your secret unveiled - you hurt me. But sin always hurts. So, I bestowed on you the same grace our Father in heaven has given me - we confronted it together, we grew stronger and we moved on.
Year 4 : Ethan celebrated his second birthday, and he informed me multiple times "no mommy, I wear diapers" so we delayed the potty-training experience until age 2 3/4. We discovered the robber of our little girls joy and it was the inability to move or express herself. It was a relief when at 9 1/2 months Charlie started walking; this new found independence provided some happiness and the little girl we now know and love began to bloom. Ethan tolerated his sister invading his space, but inevitably the "mine-war" began. We celebrated the life of our beautiful girl turning one, and she conveniently took a much-needed nap during her own party. Our house remained in a constant state of disrepair or remodel, it was beginning to get to us - so we hired a professional. You excel in your job and it's fun getting to listen to your classroom stories. I only work PRN at the hospital and audit four-times a month for AMC and CTSystems (but I miss nursing). Our summer was spent at the pool and with new best-friends Ian, Booke and Heath Gariss.
Year 5 : No more fussing with the house, our basement is complete, we have two-full remodeled bathrooms and all new plumbing that works, for now our work is done. We continue to grow as parents as our children mature and need in new ways. Ethan is completely potty-trained! He celebrated his third birthday with a train ride (friends and family all-aboard). He is so bright, has such a gentle spirit and amazes us daily. Thanksgiving - we were surprised again, but happy to find out we were pregnant again (no sulking this time). But our joy turned to fear when I started bleeding, a simple blood test confirmed a low-hormone level (easily fixed) and a sonogram confirmed a heart beat, I prepared myself for a hot and "big" summer and looked forward to our due date of August 4th. Our nephew Briggs was born in December and we celebrated with Josh and Abbey. It was with heavy hearts we found out only one week later that we had lost our baby (10 1/2 weeks into the pregnancy). Surgery was recommended and I endured it. Ethan was sad we didn't get to keep our baby "I wanted our baby to live with us, mommy" he told me, but he seemed to comprehend (in a way I yet was unable) when we explained that our baby had died and was going to live with Jesus in heaven. Only two-days after the surgery we celebrated Charlie's life, her second-birthday. She is now a joyous, head-strong, talkative little beauty who often refers to herself as "princess". Ethan and Charlie still compete in the "mine-wars" but for the most part they play-pretend together, share their things and help get each other into and out-of trouble. We get a little more sleep than the early years. You're getting ready to go back to school for your master's degree-applying for a high school teaching position, and I'm back at KU part-time with benefits.
We are blessed with each other, our children, family, friends and most of all God's love and grace. And I am excited to begin our Year 6.

I love you Jacob

My husband...

ME Lately...
Overwhelmed
Inadequate
Verbally unexpressive
Tired

JACOB
Patient
Encouraging
Supportive
Prayerful

Thank you God for creating Jacob for me, and enriching my life with his spirit.