An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

Be Blessed

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I can usually make the 2.5 hour drive home no-stops, no-problem. But not yesterday.

A ragged looking man sat sadly, holding a dog and duffel bag, at the corner of the convenience store. His cheeks rough, covered in scruff and in need of a shave, his skin tanned and leathery.

When I returned to the car Jacob was giving him all the change he could collect from his pockets and the crevices of the car. I opened my purse and pulled out the meager 6.00 I had.

All total we gave the man $8.00.

It didn't seem like much, but it was all we had to give.

He returned our small gift with a smile; dimples emerged from under the scruff of his cheeks and gratitude lit his eyes, and the blessing "May Jesus be with you."

"And may God bless you" was our simple, but genuine reply.

Be blessed.
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Monday, October 26, 2009

Today is your birthday.
You are busy at work - just another day?
I hope Ethan and Charlie's "happy-birthday" serenade encouraged you
I think I heard a smile in your voice when I talked with you on the phone.
I prayed for you...
I prayed for your heart to be filled with Gods purpose for you
I prayed for your day to go well
I prayed that whatever comes you will feel peace

I miss you
I miss Abbey
I wish I could be to Briggs what you both were to Ethan

Happy birthday little brother, I love you!
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I've been storing away little pieces of the day --
The piece of evening when Charlie curls up on my lap and sighs that sweet sigh,
then adds "I love you mom".
The piece of the afternoon when Ethan is eagerly helping with chores.
The piece of the morning when I am busy at work, then, pause to observe my two children; Kindly playing with each other - this morning they were finding and rescuing tiny monsters and sharing their food with them. I want to remember the way their tiny hands cupped the air as if there really was a tiny-little monster resting in their palms.
The piece of week that I have to share with Jacob, the one that is real-time together, not just our report in passing between work and sleep.
The piece of night just before bedtime when Ethan will still sometimes ask me to lay-down with him, and we get to talk.
The piece of early-morning when Charlie bounces me out of bed, to the couch and we read.
The piece of bedtime routine when we read our Bible-story and sometimes sing - last week it was "Father-Abraham" and we all marched around and did the motions together.
The piece of stillness, just as the kids are drifting off to rest, when I open my Bible and learn.

These pieces are stored away so I never forget how wonderful my life is, and how very blessed I am. Happy memories that fill my heart with joy and my face with a smile.
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Bustin' out...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

There are few embarrassing moments I can remember in my life.

I will remember this moment, age 27, day 10.19.09, place St. Louis airport, terminal E security

The set-up...
Getting dressed this morning for my audit in St.Louis I picked a white long-sleeve shirt, black pants (that fit better than the day I bought them last year - whoo-hoo), and my cropped jean jacket with the big buttons, and my mod-scarf from Jonas.

Dressing with accessories ie: the jacket with the big buttons and scarf is good for my figure, but they're not allowed to be worn through the metal-detector. You know, just in case you're packing guns or bombs or swords in your scarf :) It's just kinda a pain ------ I digress.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 3:30, I rolled-into the terminal at 3:16 . Thankfully the lines weren't too long, but I just happened to pick the one with the "trainee" checking our carry-ons, there were multiple bag rescans. In my rush to remove the afore mentioned jacket with the big buttons, I must have stretched or pulled in an unfamiliar way because, I felt a pop. Mental-panic, my support had snapped. And I just happened to be wearing the padded-bra with front-clasp. So here I stand jacket and scarf-less, deflated with extra padding floating somewhere around my armpits. Without looking suspicious I try and "hold it together" walk through the metal detector, grab my belongings -put on my jacket and button in it up. No time to check out the damage in the bathroom, so I race-walked to the loading ramp, boarded the plane and found my familiar window-seat over the wing.
Chuckling to myself, I shook my head, ate my honey-roasted peanuts and ordered a water from the flight-attendant.

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Patient Y

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I've taken care of you before
You make me sad
Your life will never be full like my Ethan or Charlie's
You will probably never walk or talk
Your mommy didn't want you
She tired to destroy you
But instead you were born into this cold world, early
Too early, and it damaged you
We "saved" you
They took you away from her, and then tried to give you back again

I've pleaded with God for you
And wrestled with why - why did God let us "save" you,
How can someone feel the gift of life within themselves and not feel love,
Why did you continue to suffer?

But this night, your new foster family arrived with you
I asked your new "mom" if she would like to hold you,
And tears rolled down her cheeks as she rocked you
She caressed you little toes and your fingers wrapped instinctively around hers.

And in that moment I didn't wrestle any longer
You are for her, and she is for you
God saved you because He knew she was waiting for you
He knew I would stand witness to the love she has for you
An earthly example of God's love
Taking the hurting and the broken, loving and caring for them
You will be forever cared for by our Heavenly Father,
but on this earth God has reserved a place for you in her heart and she loves you.
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Dear Friend

Friday, October 9, 2009

To the ones who were:
I've been thinking about you lately -
Where you are
How you are
Who you are

It seems you were placed in my life,
At the exact time I needed someone.
And then, life happened.

I don't call, you don't either,
And life goes on.
Thank you for being there when I needed you.

To the ones who are:
Far or close the distance doesn't seem to matter
Be it phone, facebook
Or face-time sharing meal-prep and the food to follow
We talk
We share
We are
And the details don't matters

I always look forward to our time together.
We may be working together
Wrangling kids together
Or just simply sharing space and life

I can tell you anything
You don't have to understand,
Although you usually do

You listen
We share failures and worries
You are a blessing from God and I know you are a forever friend.
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Missing Homecoming

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Crowed-dirty streets
Polish-sausages hot off the grill
Funnel-cake vendors
Strollers carrying babies, and dogs pulling their masters
Couples holding hands, Singles mingling
Hand-shakes, Hugs, Kisses, and Catching up
Rides that bring the kids joy and sometimes nausea
Horse racing, skee-ball and other over-priced games
Stiff-stuffed-toys (not made in USA)
Old friends
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The dreaded "V"

You were nervous
You held my hand
We made small talk
We laughed, a lot
They called you back
I didn't feel sad
I was worried I might feel sad
I didn't really feel anything
I prayed for you and for the doctor
It was quiet
People came and people went
I prayed some more
You came back to me
Brave face, stiff walk
You smiled
And we talked
And the realization, once again
How little control we have
How little the things we have, have anything to do with us
Two-perfect blessings
I Love you Jacob
Thank you God
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