Tonight she held and kissed him one last time

His dad cried as tiny fingers wrapped around his one last time

Tonight they said goodbye to their son

Oh heartbreak and sweet precious time, is there ever enough

Today his heart continues to beat

Inside another

Who needed her to say goodbye and his dad to cry

Oh gift of life that requires such painful sacrifice, his precious life was enough

Enough to save, Enough to give, 

Enough for others to continue to live

In their grief they gave joy

Joy and hope and promise of more

More time, more smiles, more tears and more trials

Oh heartbreak and sweet precious time, there is what there is

May we make the most of whatever is ours to give

In honor of a tiny organ donor

For all my friends and co-workers who lovingly served him and his family

And for his family who so courageously gave.

And I watch you watching you

I watch you watching you

Every pane that has a reflection pulls you in to see

It’s probably just a phase, that’s the lie I tell me

But I am afraid

Afraid of the time you take,

Afraid of the control the reflection seems to wield

Afraid, as I watch you watching you

You don’t look at you the way you used to

A quick glance lingers, what thoughts do you think as your eyes strain to see

Mind twisted, distorted reflection

It is the thought, and the obsession

The only reflection you see is lacking

The only words you hear deceiving

We pray and plead and cry and try

With desperation we fight with truth against the lies

And we watch

Watch you watching you

There are days I think you see, days I think you hear, days I think maybe you’re not consumed with with the idea of watching you.  

But the watching days won’t relent, they seem to want to stay

And I fear you’re wasting away

Wasting away as I watch you watching you


Sharing these fragmented words written in real time a year ago in hopes they will bring understanding, encouragement and healing to others who are experiencing or have experienced the same trauma that is a mental illness diagnosis.
You are strong enough.
You can.
You are worth the fight.
You are loved.

Goodbye Grandpa

Being a nurse was always where my heart was set
So all the Sunday dinners I missed I can not regret
Because caring for others' hurts, ills and pain made me ready to care for you
So on this sad Tuesday-day I was equipped to help you pass through

Memories of monster and being too afraid to run through the dark
Safety beside Mawna as Josh in your loving arms was caught
Diving in grain trucks, horse tanks, beans and tall rows of corn
Watching cows come to the sound of your old truck horn

I can not imagine subtracting you one from the other
Your lives were more because of each other
Marriage truly made you two into one
Sacrificial love, respect, honor, submission and God granted love

Pieces of you in the way Ethan plays
The smile on the face of our Charlie-girl, your namesake
Your life is woven undeniably into mine
I find you in rhyming words, in stories and truth telling lines

I don't remember you ever taking yourself too seriously
Yet, I can still hear your prayers over a table prepared
And I know your life was no game or joke
Rather lived with purpose because of and for the One who gives us eternal hope

So in this hope I rest
That you're at peace and wearing a crown
That as a saint you marched in
And in your death it's new life that you found

This doesn't mean our hearts aren't hurting or that we won't miss you a ton
But that your life was lived in the power of the Son
And though you're gone,
Our God, our faith, out family, laughter, love and playful smiles
You gave them to us
God never failed you and I know He will continue to show up for us

Love you grandpa

Human Condition

Life is fleeting
Roads merge and traveling happens together
Hearts bleeding
Pain is a part of the travel
We affect each other, our choices, our words, footsteps and stories

Life matters
We give and love and selfishly take, We learn
Feet move
Every move has worth
Value is not assigned through accomplishment instead through valuing every attempt

Life unravels
The thread gets tangled and worn
Minds wander
Joy wells up as we entangle
Memories captured as if looking through the still frame of a lens

Life ends
The road continues on
Souls breathe
Pain is no more, Feet dance, Worth is realized, Minds opened, Joy is made complete and every attempt celebrated
Life is fleeting it is also eternal

For all those whose footsteps have ceased, 

but whose stories have eternally merged with mine.

May we meet again

Eternal friendship - Temporary bodies

There's orange shag carpet covering the floor
Cards slide across the wooden table as kids make sound effects from behind the couch
They laugh and sing and stuff marshmallows to overflowing
On Sunday they teach, pray, serve and sing
Showing us how to live for THE greater thing

There's a new couch, a new house and the carpet is blue
Card games get exchanged for cheers and proud faces as kids make touch downs, goals, and run races
Together they sit in black and in gold
On Sunday they serve, pray teach and sing
Showing us still, no matter the state, there is ONE who is greater and worth our everything

We tested and tried  them, we grew older as did they
On Sunday they still teach, sing, serve and pray
Until one day we've all grown and gone away
This world tests and it tries and bodies fall prey, but we trust the ONE who is greater, and with us in our everyday

I don't know what tomorrow holds
But I know we get today
So today
Take on the mountains, and pass on traditions
Raise hands in worship and keep taking care of stray kittens

Kiss on the lips in that holy Sims kinda' way
Cheer for the Jackets in your gold and your black
Feel to the depths of all feeling
And make memories that last

Fight cancer with all the might that you have
Go to Silver Dollar City on a weekday with friends
Laugh that great laugh sharing it with your grandkids

Pray silent prayers for healing and for His grace
Shine on in your words and keep quoting King James

Show us what it's like to do this temporary time
Show us how to go into eternity secure, 
Trusting in Him we are more than just fine

Keep singing, and teaching and praying and serving
Until you get to the ONE who you've taught us to trust 
We trust Him with you as you've trusted Him with us

So today
I pray for your strength
And I pray for your rest
I pray for peace that surpasses any hurt, doubt, question or distress
I pray that we all realize that God's calling us back
Calling us to healing, to more, to deeper and away from regret
I pray for memories kept and words that we won't forget
I pray through tears of love and hope and sadness and pain
Knowing there's joy to be had in this everyday



To my second family.  Thank you.  Thank you for being there, every Sunday morning, every Sunday night, at every game, concert, and Wednesday night too.  Thanks for putting up with our piano playing and song writing and Tetris attempts.  Thanks for the spaghetti hot dish, and laugher, volleyball games, roast beef and love.  Thank you for your prayers, and your forgiveness too.  Thank you for the weenie roasts, basketball games and marshmallows for toasting golden brown through and through.  Thank you for friendship and for loving our family the way that Christ calls us to.

When Life's not what You had Planned, The Unseen Journey

I've been on a silent journey
For a year, I explained the pain and weakness away, it was the gardening or hormones or in my head
For a year I felt crazy
Sometimes I still do
But still the weakness comes
Without explanation or reason
And the invisible begins to define you

I awaken exhausted, as if in my sleep I've run a marathon and lifted weights and there's been no rest, no reprieve, no rejuvenation
The normal feels extraordinary
Getting out of bed is an act of the will
Holding a glass requires two hands, and even then, better put it down before it slips from your weakening grip
Your heart aches with desire to hold your beautiful newborn nephew but fear, and weakness whisper you shouldn't
Going to the grocery store is something requiring additional strength and energy to accomplish
The act of holding the steering wheel steady drains you to utter empty
Instead of carrying the laundry basket to the washer you drag it across the floor
Making dinner wastes you, but you swallow the tears and wring out your wanting hands
You want to do and be who you've always been
But the invisible taunts you

Then there's the pain
Poaching your abilities
Mocking your adequacy
It slowly drains your mental and physical current
Lingering under the surface, it threatens to emerge and consume at any moment
The everyday stuff gets twisted
Normalcy hurts
And the invisible shapes you

You seek answers
They poke and prod
You pray
But, no one knows
Maybe you are crazy, except you know you're not
You're not
Then, there's the supplements, and the therapies and treatments that promise hope
So you pay, and pray, and swallow down the ancient remedies
Still no one knows
And the invisible remains

The invisible remains and with it, cracks of doubt settle deep into the soul
Will the invisible ever be seen?
God why?
Why me?
Why this?
Why her?
Why God?
And the invisible preys on truth

But today, something about these words trickled through the cracks and watered my dry soul
"...she, out of her poverty, has given everything- all she had to live on." (Mark 12:41 - 44)

I see her, I am her
Inadequate and running on empty

She didn't choose brokenness
Brokenness chose her
But, it didn't make her
Her poverty, her inadequacy
It could not deter her motivation to give her all
And when HE saw her
HE didn't change her circumstances
But HE loved her just the same

There is ONE who sees my invisible
He sees yours too..And HE loves you just the same

God, 
I'm not going to ask why
Though, I wonder
Instead,
I pray for a miracle
But more than for reprieve, God, I pray for your will
I pray for strength, for pain free days, 
And for joy even when it hurts
I'm not going you to ask you to change my circumstances
But God, please love me through them 
And change me because of them

It's been over two years and I'm not in the place I once was
I have found intermittent reprieve, and my voice
Some days are almost normal
Or I've at least found a new normal that is compatible with everyday living

I have too many sisters on a journey of invisible
But aren't we all dealing with something unseen?
You're not crazy
You're not alone
The invisible isn't eternal
We won't let it win
We may never know this life without our invisible
But I trust the promise of a better life for us
HE calls you beloved, HE cares
And, sister, brother, I'm with you

The Question of Oppression

Oppression - unjust and cruel exercise of authority which limits the potential of another.

When the world revolves around “me”, 

I am too busy looking at myself to look to the good of others.  

And so, we deny each other the opportunity to experience a world where everyone matters, 

And matters equally.

The question was raised "Can oppression be avoided or diverted?" 

I struggle to envision a world, this side of heaven, with our imperfections and selfishness and pride, where oppression is avoided or diverted.  

Because people are self-seeking

And oppression is people dependent 

America, as a nation, has made strides toward this end, with the elevation of status for women and all races.  

Sadly, the idea of equality often falls short of the practice of equality.  

We are the individuals that make up the families, the societies, the nations, the world

We are the now, and 

We don't have to resign to the brokenness

For when each of us is working toward a world without oppression it will become better 

One by one we can choose to look outside ourselves

Look outside what we know to be the norm, outside our history (without forgetting it), look outside our hurts, and our pride

We can look up

And work together for a better now, filled with hope for the eternal 

Because, There is a place 

A place where perfection is King

The King knows you and you know Him

There is no oppression or injustice and peace reigns in every heart

Here we work together, not for something better, but as a part of something greater 

We're no longer blinded by ourselves, but see clearly 

It's the Savior who makes us equal

Who I am anyway?

The world says we are the roles we play

An athlete

Type A or type B

A husband

A wife

A musician

A dancer

A mom

A dad

A job title

Busy

And so this role we choose to play, the world tells us, is our identity.  

But what happens to the injured athlete unable to perform

The type A who can't sustain order or the type B who needs to have it all together

The marriage that falls apart

The musician who goes unrecognized

The dancer who doesn't get the part

The mom or dad who looses a child

The faithful employee who looses her job

The busy bee who is overwhelmed

So, the world tells us, we are the sum of what we lack. 

And, we get a new identity, failure, disappointment, and not good enough

Our culture says 

We are what we look like, dress like, and who we hang out with 

So we compare ourselves to others and become wholly discontent

Culture says we're the names people call us, 

So we let those words infiltrate our being and choose to stay in the box that others created for us

The world says you are how you feel

You feel sad, find a way to release it, you don’t want to live anymore then don’t

Your gender is relative, You feel like a boy, be one, You feel like a girl, okay - good for you

You feel angry, confused, insecure, hopeless, unloved - Act out and on your feelings

The world says your feelings are truth

THE WORLD IS FULL OF LIES

And, when we choose to let the world determine our identity

We become enslaved to a set of expectations God never intended for us

And we are hostages to the lies

Identity is defined as who someone is; the qualities, beliefs, etc. that make a person different from others.

It's our creator who makes us different

You are His unique creation,

He calls you a masterpiece, beautiful, worthy

You are His son, His daughter

He calls you His own, His heir, His warrior, His child, His love

His truth never changes?

Because He never changes

And so 

We are not the roles we play

We are not the sum of our insufficiencies

We are not our clothes, our friends or the names people call us

Our identity is not our gender, relationship status or how we feel

Our identity is found in the ONE who called us out of the mess, out of the lies, and to Himself

John 15:19 “you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of it.”

Do you know who you are because of who He is?

Because God is forgiving - I am forgiven

Because God is loving - I am loved

Because God is always present - I am never alone

Because God is all powerful - I have power

Because God is creator - I am created, beautiful, on purpose, the only me  

Because God is Father - I belong, I have a family

Because God is all knowing - I am known

Because God is king - I am a warrior

Because God is purposeful - I have purpose

Because God is available - I am heard

Because God is merciful - I have hope

Because God is unchanging- I am content

It's not always easy to be myself.  

Living as your created self on purpose takes courage

But we don't have to do it alone

HE is the chain breaker.  

He is the savior the redeemer.  

He is the hope maker and the freedom giver.

So we can be different.  

Just as HE created us.  

And yet, ALL can find their true identity in HIM.

[Christian Girls] Stop making 'husband lists'

My sweet sisters,

You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life, 

But, concerning the husband list we've lost sight of who God is

I've too often heard "I made my husband list and two weeks later my prince charming showed up, now two months later we're engaged and..."

Stop.  Stop, advertising God as a genie 

Genies give you what YOU want. 

But, God - He gives you something infinitely better, He gives you what you need.

Genies don't care about you, it's their job to grant your wish

With a genie you're in control

God cares about you, He cares about your soul, your eternity, your heart and your everyday

Not because it's His job to care, but because it's His nature

You know who else we advertise God to be when we claim our hand-written husband list brought us our God-given, Jesus-loving husband wrapped up neatly with all the qualities and characteristics we requested?

Santa Claus

Stop it.  You know that's not who God is

He is too worthy, and too good to be compared to such a character

Santa brings gifts to the good girls

God gives His gift freely to all the bad ones

And what of our unattached Christian friends?

What about their lists and their desires?

What about their waiting and hopes and heart aches?

Does God love you more?  Love them less?

Of course not.

So why in this one area do we advertise God to be any different than we know Him to be in all things?

Sometimes, I think it's mindless - it's how our life happened and we don't stop to think of how we're representing God

Then there's always the long-shot that our desires are exactly the same as God's (I wouldn't bank on it though) 

But, I fear mostly it's that we think a little more of ourselves than we ought in respect to how much control we have over this life

What if instead of writing 'husband lists' we started writing a helper list?

A list that consisted of our weaknesses, and strengths 

A list of our needs and inadequacies 

A list of our hearts desires, even if they don't match God's

A list filled with an honest plea to let God be in control, and to be used by Him

What we we started asking God to grow in us the qualities that make us worthy of being called His daughters, daughters that can be a good helper?

What if we started asking God what His expectations are of us, instead of expecting Him to deliver for us.

What if we asked God to be our sustainer, and believed He could be - even when it feels lonely.

What if we prayed that our lives would be a blessing to God, instead of asking Him to bless us.

What if we want a husband, what if we want to be a wife?

Then tell God, and wait patiently

And in the waiting you can remind Him, ask again and revise your help-list 

Making it full of honesty, emotion, and even more questions  - knowing God will provide the answers

Sister, stay focused on God

Make your list about loving Him, serving Him and trusting Him,

Not about a someday human him

God created you beautifully, and uniquely. 

Your life is not an accident, the mistakes, the heart aches, the successes and joys.  

The good He rejoices in, The ugly He redeems.

You are His treasure

Is He yours?

Maybe your purpose is to be a helper, but until that day comes.

Be His daughter

Because that is more than enough.

Thank you for this day

It's a mindless phrase I pray
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day
But today
A wife woke up to an empty place in her bed
A daughter woke up without her daddy
And two sons without their dad

Today life doesn't make sense
So, I praised a God who works outside of my understanding
And, I swam in the HOPE of eternity that flows in spite of tears and pain

This life
Even when we try to do what's right
It hurts
Even when we know the truth
It doesn't always make sense

Death rips apart body and soul
And leaves those in it's wake
Wounded
And, missing a piece that made sense,
A piece that made the everyday, not perfect, but more bearable, fun, do-able, and better

Our body, our relationships - they are temporary
But our impact and soul - eternal
This life
Means something,
No matter how long, no matter how short
His impact lives on
In the heart of his wife, in the mind of his little girl, and in the time he's given to his sons
He trusted them all to the care of his Savior while he was here
And he's left them in His most capable care still
His body may be gone, but his soul goes on living

So today,
Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day
Even though it hurts
Even though I don't understand
Because we're not meant to live here forever
But while we're here,
May we be thankful, loving, giving
And leave an impact that gives you all the glory.
Doug did.

When I grow up I'm going to...

I was the one with the dolls and stuffed animals, pretending and playing
Commanding and organizing and bossing
l was the big sister who mothered the littlest
And cleaned up after the messy middle (he may or may not have paid me in quarters and pennies)
I was the one who saw her, she made the sacrifice look easy
And the work, I never heard her complain
I wanted to be exactly like her

When I grow up,
"I'm going to be a mom"

But when pretend grew too small, stuffed animals got put on a shelf
And just as I outgrew my dolls, the brothers seemed to outgrow my bossing
I was the one who wanted to be a mom and maybe play in the WNBA
My friends, they were going to be doctors, lawyers, scientist, pro-athletes and astronauts
They were going to change the world
And I began to questions the sufficiency of my grown up dream

In high school I started to pretend again,
Everybody does it, but no one talks about it
Boys still pretend they're going to be professional athletes
Girls, plan and plot for what their life will be,
I dreamt about boys and college and imagined I had control over my five year plan

I carry the vision of her with me
She's sitting at the kitchen table, journaling, praying (probably for me) and reading her bible as we drive ourselves to school.  
And still I want to be her, even if I don't fully understand what that means, or if the world doesn't recognize it as an acceptable goal
"I just want to be a Mom when I grow up"

I became a nurse, because I found out being a mom doesn't pay very well
The pursuit of what we're most passion about often doesn't pay the bills
Unless you're apart of the world's 3% that does become a professional athlete
I digress

Then one day I met Mr.Right (after several Mr.REALLY Wrongs)
You know he's Mr.Right when he loves Jesus, makes you laugh, opens your car door, and when he sees you - He saw me; beautiful, imperfect, bossy, emotional, the whole me
And he loved me anyway
We got married, and played house for several months, I liked to cook and make dessert (we both put on 5-10 happy pounds), laundry was fun and then came the two stripes on the pee stick, or was it a plus-sign?

Eight long, hard, painful months later (yes it was really only eight)
I looked into his deep brown eyes, dependent and trusting looking back into mine
And I realized
It's mom's that change the world

I always wanted to be her
Almost ten years later, I'm still learning what it means to emulate her
And I'm growing everyday into being their Mom
Imagining with them, reading to them, teaching them, playing with them, challenging them, [hopefully] inspiring them
Praying for them
And for me
That this desire "to be a mom" would always be my first priority because God gave me that passion, and these two for a purpose
This passion may not pay the bills, but I'm overjoyed to be called to this penniless career that pays in hugs and kisses
Because it has an eternal impact, and fulfills in ways that can not be measured

So to all you moms
Keep loving, cherishing, inspiring, encouraging, and pretending
You're not "just a mom"
You're a world changer
And Mom, Thanks for being my inspiration and example, you did it well and continue to 

For the fatherless daughter...claim what's already yours

I hear the pain in her voice and see it in tears that linger in the blue of her eyes
It's better, but it's never truly gone
How could he could choose to father her but not be her Father
Selfishly he chased after love, fulfillment, experience and life without her
Miles became an excuse
Time slipped away
Memories (what few they were) haunting and empty
Until she learned to quit expecting of him, how to not need him, and live without him

fathers disappoint

They let-down, lie, and they leave
And in their wake, are the hearts of little girls.
Little girls who question love (the verb) and doubt the possibility of marriage that lasts
Heart wounds, are never truly dulled, and the holes are never fully healed
Girls with leaky hearts become women with leaky hearts
They don't all fulfill the stigma of girls with daddy complexes - running into the emptiness of one man's arms/bed to the next
Some grow up to hope for different and more
Some learn to forgive
Over and over - everyday, for this mess that they inherited, the heartache, the doubt and the years that they had no control over
Some learn to live, to claim what's been waiting for them
The love of a Father
A Father whose inheritance is comforting, secure, confident, hopeful and joy-filled
A Father who sees the sins of the fathers
But chooses to reveal himself to the father-less
A Father who never fails, and keeps His promises for generations
A Father who cares
A Father worthy of the title "daddy"

Some learn to take the hand of this forever Father
And though their hearts still leak,
They find the courage to trust, and there is purpose in their pain
They are no longer defined as fatherless, they have an inheritance
And they have a right-now plan to pursue
Sometimes that's a man, that smiles too big, and asks the question she had thought about saying "no" too a thousand times
Sometimes that's a call to a country far away where they drink coffee and remind you not to sit on the side-walk
Sometimes it's the necessity to be more to your father than he ever was to you
No matter what it is - She's holding her Daddy's hand and it's going to be okay


For my 3 all-time favorite blonde's - I Love you!

The nightmare

The darkness gripped me and silence held me hostage, so under my covers I would hide.  Eyes shut tight, awaiting rest to overtake the silence.  But even there, behind my eyes it was dark, and though I ran, fear followed.  I watched helplessly as all I knew to be love and home was stripped away until there was nothing - only me.  Alone, and afraid in the darkness, that's how the nightmares always ended.

But for some it's not a nightmare

Life is a walking dream that doesn't end when eyes open 

Parents loose babies and Daughters lose their Mommas

Cancer steals away time and Time is always fleeting

Husbands cheat, Wives cry and Families get by 

We're all dying

...he [Jesus] became flesh and blood... for only as a human being could he die and in dying break the power of the devil who had the power of death. Only in that way could he deliver those who through fear of death have been living all their lives as slaves to constant dread. 

-- Hebrews 10:14-15

In my nightmares I never died

I was more afraid of living without, of loosing, of watching those I love break than of death itself

But not anymore

Because I know I am never alone, and the One who goes with me is trustworthy

So when the unthinkable happens

When lives break and nightmares become reality

We can choose to be afraid, to run, to freeze, or we can choose to be at peace in His brokenness

Break out of the normal, and the accepted - Walk into that which is beyond your reason

Choose to put your full weight in something that's bigger than yourself, 

Trust

Forgive, be forgiven

Feel

Love and be loved

Rest

Be broken, but don't let the world break you

Because death has no power - and fear is no longer worthy of being called your master

Linking up with Kate Motaung and the 

FMF writers, todays word - Break

Over HERE

Your "okay" life...

It starts with believing that HE is real

God, creator, life-breather, crafter of our souls

And in the beginning

He took pieces of himself and wove them into me, as He did with she

It was real in the garden

Unrelenting, naked relationship

Walking in honesty and sharing life

No hiding, no disguising 

And it was good.

But when Words got twisted and hearts became intrigued then deceived
She sought answers outside of her God-relationship, and pulled her man down with her

They decided that knowing God wasn't enough, being made in His image lacking
And it was not good

But, knowledge made them feel ashamed, instead of godly
This idea of being god made them afraid of God
Covering-up, they pointed fingers, placed blame and deceived even themselves

And the relationship was ruined

And so we live in the harsh in-between
Thorns, Rocks, Pain, Tears
Taking the roads well traveled
Separated from God
Being the god of our own life
And sometimes it's okay
But it's not good.

God, creator, life-breather, crafter of our souls didn't want "okay" for your life
He didn't want you to be separate, hiding, or wandering wide roads
He wanted it to be good [again]

So He became a man; to understand us, live like us [except better] and save us
Jesus
Son of God
The Savior of our souls
Joy giver
Restorer of relationship
Peace maker
Sacrifice for our sins
Truth speaker
The only man to raise himself from the dead
Word writer
Death conqueror
Good - when I'm not good enough
Mediator and High Priest
Life giver

He laid it ALL down for us so we could lay down the burden of trying to be god
And asks us - do you want more than just okay?
Do you want relationship, peace, forgiveness, life, good?
I wanted less burden more life
So I made Him the King, declared He was my God
Laid down my all
And it is good.

We still have to live in this harsh in-between
It still hurts, it's still hard, I'm still not perfect
But the expanse is removed, the relationship is restored
And we can quit trying to be god and just know Him
He's good
We can stop hiding and blaming and disguising
And be who He made us to be
He called us very good
So we can take the road less traveled
And walk it with God
It's not easy - But it's good 

In the beginning God created, He made man in His own image, from the dust of the ground He formed him, and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils.  Male and female he created them. God saw all that He had made and it was very good.

- Genesis 1 & 2

Linking up today with Holley Gerth

@ Coffee for Your Heart

Meredith Bernard  and 

Kristin Hill Taylor @ Three Word Wednesday

Perfection Stinks

News Flash - I'm not perfect
But, it's wound up tightly inside, hidden deep within -  masked by clean houses, status updates, homeschool planners and messy laundry cabinets kept closed off to the world.
Perfection.
Maybe it's buried inside as a result of the garden failure?
A fall driven by the desire to be like God, to know as He know so we don't have to trust as much?
Trust.
Trust that He knows us better than we know ourselves, knows our hearts our talents our good and our not good enough.  Trust that He has a plan and a purpose.  Even when our imperfection is on display and perfectly obvious to the world.
God.
He is perfect.  He is the sustainer, all-powerful creator, planner, giver, lover, Father, grace-filled merciful forgiver. But, do I strive so hard to be like Him that I forget I'm not Him?
Wear myself out striving, planning surviving?  Tidying hallways, posting only the shiny happy positives, closing doors, and putting on the face I keep in a jar by the door.
Trust.
Trust is easier than striving.
And grace.
Grace is infinitely better than failed attempts at perfection.
So I realize, I can't have both grace and striving.
When the Law says LACKING - Grace say LOVED
I need saving
Not striving
His grace is alive, working in me, accomplishing in spite of me
And that is all the perfect I need.

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of  Holley Gerth's - You're Loved No Matter What :Freeing Your Heart From The Need To Be Perfect.  Can't wait to dig into the truths and encouragement she has to offer through her beautifully woven words.

Linking Up today with

Holley Gert - having coffee for your heart

and Meredith Bernard #woman2woman
And Three Word Wednesday 

Dear Daughter - Don't Date Him

If a piece feels like it's missing

It's not him 

I promise

If you're feeling lonely or lacking

Don't date him

When you're unsure and figuring out what being you looks like

Don't date him

If you think you need him

You don't

Cross my heart

If you think you're the only one without

Don't date him

When you just want to fit but you're not sure if you're round or square

Don't date him

If your heart is longing

His love won't satisfy 

Trust me

If you think you can save him

Don't date him

When you're the one he's going to change for, come to church for, be better for

Don't date him

If your feeling insecure

He won't give you confidence

I know

But

When you look into the mirror and it's you looking back

When you're fearlessly convinced that you are a uniquely beautiful creation

When you know Who made you and why

When your longing is filled by the true love of a loving Savior

When you is enough, even if you are the only one (you know you're not)

When you're satisfied and confident just as you are

When he doesn't need saving or changing and he's different from all the rest in all the right ways

Then daughter 

Date him