Though their resting place is far
The stars pierce into the empty black
Guiding the moon into its place and the sun to rest
He dusted the stars into the void with only a breath
And though he could have emptied the world of all darkness
He chose instead to tolerate the shadow cast, and allowed it to remain
Maybe it's because without the dark we could not understand the light
Maybe it's to show us we always have the freedom to choose - for what is now darkness was once light, the most beautiful and bright, yet to be the most was not enough

That's what darkness does - it sucks the light out, it casts shadows over what is good and makes the most not enough
It lies and undermines the creator
It tricks and twists and steals the joy of enough away

Though the darkness remains, it will not always
But the light will always, was always and is always
It never fades or changes:
When we struggle to see, it's there
When we can't feel it's warm it is from within that it warms

So dance the sun down and thrive in the light of the stars
Watch the light remain, be restored in its glow
See clearly that the creator made you with the same star breath, Hear how deeply He loves you and Feel the warmth of His light
He calls you good and your enough is exactly what He meant for it to be
Shine for all to see because in you is His light and the darkness can not stand against the eternity within you

Against all hope: Faith & Purpose not Perfection

Today I faced my humanity, my doubt and my sinful nature

Today I saw the face of God and in His reflection how small I am

Small, but not insignificant

Small, but purposed

Purposed for perhaps even more than I can know or imagine

And, so are you

It’s faith that gives us hope, faith that strengthens us, purposes us and faith that ultimately saves us from ourselves

“Against all hope, in hope Abraham believed...without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead...YET He did not waiver regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.  Being fully persuaded God had power to do what He promised.” - Romans 4:18-21

And so I asked myself the questions:

• What do I need to believe against all hope?
• What facts do I need to face?

The answers are these:

I will NOT be disappointed, for my hope is in the LORD (Isaiah 49:23)

GOD will save the kids He put in my care (Isaiah 49:25)

And

I am NOT in control.  I can not save you, and I can not save myself.

I will never be perfect

My body aches and my heart hurts.  Emotionally I am overwhelmed, I question every decision, every word, every yes and every no.

Today I faced my humanity, my lacking, and the unqualified nature of my role as mom

I wrestle for control when it’s not mine for the holding

I can not perceive the future, but I believe in a God who can

God, Who covers my humanity with His mercy

God, Who permeates my lacking with His abundance

God, Who qualifies me, just as I am with His grace

And so it’s not perfection that is the goal, but purpose

Hopeful, faith driven purpose

Not disillusioned about who we are

Rather fully aware, moved by a faith that is bigger than our fear and uncertainty

God thank you for being bigger than me, for making a 100 year old man a father, for making water flow in the desert, for fighting our battles, and for redeeming our souls.  You are a God who keeps His promises.  You are powerful.  You are enough.  I trust You.  Forgive my wavering, strengthen my faith for I am weak.  I hope in you.  Let me be about your purpose.  Guide me as I teach and lead and work and wife.  Thank you for my rock of a husband, and for the joy and peace that has been today. You have never expected perfection of me, help me to quit expecting it of myself.

In this season of hope, what is it you need to believe against all hope?

The stories I can't write and thoughts on being affected

I wanted you to have a perfect story
But from first breath you emerge crying
Because this world is cold
And my warmth wasn't [isn't] enough
But greater than perfection is grace, and that's what I hope for your story
I want your story to be a deluge of grace
No story is perfect, but a grace-filled story can be

I didn't want your story to hurt
But the writing of it sometimes does
Because hurting is human
And we hurt each other, we hurt ourselves, our souls, and the God who created us
But without hurt there would be no healing, and that's what I hope for your story
No story is without hurt, but a story of healing is powerful
I want your story to be powerful

I wanted you to have a story
But before your life started it was over
Because sometimes life ends too quickly
And I'm not in control [thank God I'm not in control]
But without your being and your ending I might not have grown, we affect each other
I want your story to be affective and affected
No one story is written without affecting another

Your story is not mine to write, nor wish-into reality
It's written in the moments
By a Hand greater than mine
For a purpose bigger than you or I can imagine

Your story isn't who they say your are or the lies that your mind whispers
It's not your trials, accomplishments, failures, or successes
It's not what you look like or the things that you do

Your story is
The guts you show
It's the emotions you express and the ones you learn how to control
It's the words you write and the love you give
It's the tears, the honesty, the laughter and the joy
Your story is
Giving your all and knowing your all is enough
It's choosing to see the good, and the light, and the beauty when ugly and dark threaten to steal your hope away
It's standing for what's right and believing the truth even when it seems unbelievable
It's knowing life isn't fair and doing your best anyway
Your story is
The truth written on your heart,
Inscribed through years of trial and overcoming and learning and growing
It's being okay with not being okay, but not allowing yourself to stay there
The freedom found in being yourself 

Your story,
Is not mine to write
Though sometimes I try
So instead,
I'll let your story unfold
I'll let myself be affected and hope I can affect you too
I'll pray
And I'll be here

When you succeed and when you fail
I'll be here
When you hurt and when you overcome
I'll be here
When you gut it out and when you feel like you can't
I'll be here
When you stand and when you fall
I'll be here
When you laugh and when you cry
I'll be here
When you doubt and when you're sure
I'll be here
Trusting, and modeling, and serving, loving and remembering
Because for now, you're mine to be here for

Perfection Stinks

News Flash - I'm not perfect
But, it's wound up tightly inside, hidden deep within -  masked by clean houses, status updates, homeschool planners and messy laundry cabinets kept closed off to the world.
Perfection.
Maybe it's buried inside as a result of the garden failure?
A fall driven by the desire to be like God, to know as He know so we don't have to trust as much?
Trust.
Trust that He knows us better than we know ourselves, knows our hearts our talents our good and our not good enough.  Trust that He has a plan and a purpose.  Even when our imperfection is on display and perfectly obvious to the world.
God.
He is perfect.  He is the sustainer, all-powerful creator, planner, giver, lover, Father, grace-filled merciful forgiver. But, do I strive so hard to be like Him that I forget I'm not Him?
Wear myself out striving, planning surviving?  Tidying hallways, posting only the shiny happy positives, closing doors, and putting on the face I keep in a jar by the door.
Trust.
Trust is easier than striving.
And grace.
Grace is infinitely better than failed attempts at perfection.
So I realize, I can't have both grace and striving.
When the Law says LACKING - Grace say LOVED
I need saving
Not striving
His grace is alive, working in me, accomplishing in spite of me
And that is all the perfect I need.

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of  Holley Gerth's - You're Loved No Matter What :Freeing Your Heart From The Need To Be Perfect.  Can't wait to dig into the truths and encouragement she has to offer through her beautifully woven words.

Linking Up today with

Holley Gert - having coffee for your heart

and Meredith Bernard #woman2woman
And Three Word Wednesday