You are not alone.  

This war is not yours only to wage.

There are other girls, other boys, other moms,  other dads, other sisters and brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers and friends who have been affected by mental illness.

There is hope.  

You are not alone.  

There is healing.

To read the battle tale of others, and know that the fight is won in the fighting.

There is strength.

Vulnerability of your reality brings love, support and the prayers of many that strengthen on the days you don't have the strength (and there will be days....)

And 

There is power in knowledge.

These resources, while certainly not exhaustive were personally helpful to me.  To grasp even a small understand of the thing we were fighting was immeasurably empowering.  Yes, WE - not him, but US.  

Family Based Therapy or the Maudsley approach encourages all members of the family to fight together each with their own roles and responsibilities - more on that later.

* Holy Bible This book is more than a book to me.  Here I found and find daily strength and encouragement to fight against the spiritual attack that accompanied/accompanies the metabolic crisis and eating disorder diagnosis.  During our two-week hospital stay I read through Ephesians using a Katie Orr FOCUSED 15 bible study.

If you don’t read the bible daily, try starting in Psalms.  David, is the author and a poet (but not the cheesy kind, and seldom does it rhyme).  Found in the middle of the Bible, in this book are details of his everyday emotion ridden walk with God - good, bad and in between.  Stories of belief, doubt, failure, success, fear, courage, anger, love, rebellion, obedience, heart ache, joy and wisdom.    

* Be The Gift, Ann Voskamp.  Ann beautifully crafts her words to be honest, uplifting and challenging simultaneously.  Her book helped to get me out of my own way.  It reminded me our pain is not wasted, and that we can be a gift to others because of it. 

* Brave Girl Eating, Harriet Brown.  I didn’t make it through this book because when I started reading I was too close to the crisis she details.  Author Brown details an honest look at the emotional, physical and familial cost when battling an eating disorder.

* Your Teenager is Not Crazy, Dr. Jeramy Clark & Jerusha Clark.  This book details the chemical and neurological changes that happen from child to teen.  I am still reading it / re-reading it.  This quote from their book prompted me to reach out for help despite my fears. “If you suspect negative body image is beginning to control your sons’s or daughter’s life, don’t wait.  Seek help immediately…” (pg. 259) 

^^^^This is the best advice I can give you, before you order a book, read another blog post or online forum, make the call you've been dreading.  Do not let fear keep you from fighting back against that which is threatening to steal away the mind and body of the one you love. 

* Help Your Teenager Beat An Eating Disorder, James Lock, MD, PhD & Daniel Le Grange, PhD.  Filled with detailed case studies, information about eating disorders and practical ways to take a stand for your teens recovery, this book, written from the medical perspective, empowered me with knowledge and understanding.  I walked away from this book with a healthy fear of anorexia but also the will to beat it.

* Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders.  feast-ed.org  

This website is full of free resources for EVERYONE that an eating disorder touches.  This is the place to gain practical every day advice an wisdom about how to make a plate "magic," craft 600 calorie mashed potatoes, but also reminders and truths about eating disorders.  This is the place for you, but also the place to send grandparents, teachers, friends, and all the support staff that want to understand and help you on the journey.  

BONUS I highly recommend getting yourself a core group of trusted family members and friends who will join you in the battle.  We had a core group of 20-30 people to whom I sent email updates.   These wonderful people committed to pray for us and gave selflessly of their time, money and energy to be our strength and energy when we had none.

Ask me a question....jamie.g4@gmail.com

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This little light of mine

Though their resting place is far
The stars pierce into the empty black
Guiding the moon into its place and the sun to rest
He dusted the stars into the void with only a breath
And though he could have emptied the world of all darkness
He chose instead to tolerate the shadow cast, and allowed it to remain
Maybe it's because without the dark we could not understand the light
Maybe it's to show us we always have the freedom to choose - for what is now darkness was once light, the most beautiful and bright, yet to be the most was not enough

That's what darkness does - it sucks the light out, it casts shadows over what is good and makes the most not enough
It lies and undermines the creator
It tricks and twists and steals the joy of enough away

Though the darkness remains, it will not always
But the light will always, was always and is always
It never fades or changes:
When we struggle to see, it's there
When we can't feel it's warm it is from within that it warms

So dance the sun down and thrive in the light of the stars
Watch the light remain, be restored in its glow
See clearly that the creator made you with the same star breath, Hear how deeply He loves you and Feel the warmth of His light
He calls you good and your enough is exactly what He meant for it to be
Shine for all to see because in you is His light and the darkness can not stand against the eternity within you

Breathing

Unmasking "Okay"

Do you ever choose your vocabulary based on the group of people you're around?
Ever filter or censor?
Or maybe you color normal speak/text/type with four letter words that seem like expression
Doesn't everybody?
*See footnote

Do you use social media and comment boxes as a place to act like someone else, or articulate your opinions in a way you might never in a face to face situation?
Anonymously even?

Is it real life interaction that you can't seem to nail down?
Does it makes you uncomfortable, or fearful or self-conscious or tired
So you hide behind personas, smiles, expectations, drama or apathy - carefully calculating how people think you will respond or act before entering a situation?
Or maybe you just genuinely don't like people
I get it: people stink (figuratively and sometimes literally) but we kinda ALL need each other

Intending good, for yourself, or others have you ever faked an attitude, action or emotion?
Or have you told a different version of the same story, same event - different flavor - to a different group of people?

Guilty.
As.
Charged.
(except for not liking people and the comment box one - oh and I don't use four letter words anymore...This makes me seem like a credible person to write and talk about being real - right?)

We shape-shift
And act our way through situations
We disguise and hide
We all do it - It may be a momentary mask - But it's not okay
Because that mask is a lie
A lie we tell consciously, unconsciously, and subconsciously
To others and ourselves
We lie ourselves into something we are not
And without intention those lies become us

"For we have made a lie our refuge and falsehood our hiding place."
-- Isaiah 28:15b

Faking it is easy
Being real takes courage
Being real is different
And it starts intentionally with the little stuff
Like the casual "Hi, how are you?"
What if we answered honestly?
Because "fine and okay" are the usual responses, but maybe I'm not fine, maybe you're less than okay
And what if when we ask - we really want to know...the barista at Starbucks, the cashier at the grocery, the friend, the co-worker, the sister, the husband, the child

What if instead of disguising, stuffing, hiding - we acknowledge the truth?
That we are simply ourselves
Emotional
Imperfect, but wholly us
We maybe don't fit in with every group
And we don't have it all together
I. Don't. Have. It. All. Together
But what if I don't have to?
What if all I need to do is HOLD onto the One that does?

Because When I'm not enough
God says, "I am your portion.  My grace is enough, in all things and at all times I will provide all that you need, For my power is made perfect in your weakness"
-Psalm 73:26b, 2Corinthians 12:9, 2Corinthians 9:8

What if being real looked a lot like letting go
"People don't choose to be courageous, they just choose not to be afraid anymore"
- Bob Goff

Let go of fear
Because God made you, and He called you good
But, maybe you're crippled
Crippled by fear, or pride, or insecurity, or doubt, or inadequacy or maybe you're physically crippled - and through what seems like a deficiency it's hard to see how good you are
Hear this...

    "Another time Jesus went into the meeting place, and a man with a shriveled hand was there... Jesus said to the man, 'Stand up in front of everyone...and stretch out your hand.'  The man stretched out his hand and was completely restored."
--Mark 3:1-5

This man lived courageously everyday, as himself, imperfect and crippled for the glory of God  Because one day Jesus was going to walk into that meeting place and completely restore him.
There's freedom in being who you were made to be
You were made to shine, not to hide
And Jesus offers us all restoration

What mask do you need to take off?
Don't let yourself become the lie
Believe His truth about who you are
Be brave
Tell yourself the truth
Live Real
Really Live

*Jacob's Dad always told him, "there are a lot of words in the English language and intelligent people can figure out a better way to express themselves - be an intelligent person"  Jacob now repeats this phrase to our two.

Just let that marinate for a minute