Today I faced my humanity, my doubt and my sinful nature
Today I saw the face of God and in His reflection how small I am
Small, but not insignificant
Small, but purposed
Purposed for perhaps even more than I can know or imagine
And, so are you
It’s faith that gives us hope, faith that strengthens us, purposes us and faith that ultimately saves us from ourselves
“Against all hope, in hope Abraham believed...without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead...YET He did not waiver regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God. Being fully persuaded God had power to do what He promised.” - Romans 4:18-21
And so I asked myself the questions:
- What do I need to believe against all hope?
- What facts do I need to face?
The answers are these:
I will NOT be disappointed, for my hope is in the LORD (Isaiah 49:23)
GOD will save the kids He put in my care (Isaiah 49:25)
And
I am NOT in control. I can not save you, and I can not save myself.
I will never be perfect
My body aches and my heart hurts. Emotionally I am overwhelmed, I question every decision, every word, every yes and every no.
Today I faced my humanity, my lacking, and the unqualified nature of my role as mom
I wrestle for control when it’s not mine for the holding
I can not perceive the future, but I believe in a God who can
God, Who covers my humanity with His mercy
God, Who permeates my lacking with His abundance
God, Who qualifies me, just as I am with His grace
And so it’s not perfection that is the goal, but purpose
Hopeful, faith driven purpose
Not disillusioned about who we are
Rather fully aware, moved by a faith that is bigger than our fear and uncertainty
God thank you for being bigger than me, for making a 100 year old man a father, for making water flow in the desert, for fighting our battles, and for redeeming our souls. You are a God who keeps His promises. You are powerful. You are enough. I trust You. Forgive my wavering, strengthen my faith for I am weak. I hope in you. Let me be about your purpose. Guide me as I teach and lead and work and wife. Thank you for my rock of a husband, and for the joy and peace that has been today. You have never expected perfection of me, help me to quit expecting it of myself.
In this season of hope, what is it you need to believe against all hope?
