An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

[Christian Girls] Stop making 'husband lists'

Thursday, May 12, 2016

My sweet sisters,

You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life, 
But, concerning the husband list we've lost sight of who God is
I've too often heard "I made my husband list and two weeks later my prince charming showed up, now two months later we're engaged and..."
Stop.  Stop, advertising God as a genie 
Genies give you what YOU want. 
But, God - He gives you something infinitely better, He gives you what you need.

Genies don't care about you, it's their job to grant your wish
With a genie you're in control
God cares about you, He cares about your soul, your eternity, your heart and your everyday
Not because it's His job to care, but because it's His nature

You know who else we advertise God to be when we claim our hand-written husband list brought us our God-given, Jesus-loving husband wrapped up neatly with all the qualities and characteristics we requested?
Santa Claus
Stop it.  You know that's not who God is
He is too worthy, and too good to be compared to such a character
Santa brings gifts to the good girls
God gives His gift freely to all the bad ones

And what of our unattached Christian friends?
What about their lists and their desires?
What about their waiting and hopes and heart aches?
Does God love you more?  Love them less?

Of course not.

So why in this one area do we advertise God to be any different than we know Him to be in all things?
Sometimes, I think it's mindless - it's how our life happened and we don't stop to think of how we're representing God
Then there's always the long-shot that our desires are exactly the same as God's (I wouldn't bank on it though) 
But, I fear mostly it's that we think a little more of ourselves than we ought in respect to how much control we have over this life

What if instead of writing 'husband lists' we started writing a helper list?
A list that consisted of our weaknesses, and strengths 
A list of our needs and inadequacies 
A list of our hearts desires, even if they don't match God's
A list filled with an honest plea to let God be in control, and to be used by Him
What we we started asking God to grow in us the qualities that make us worthy of being called His daughters, daughters that can be a good helper?
What if we started asking God what His expectations are of us, instead of expecting Him to deliver for us.
What if we asked God to be our sustainer, and believed He could be - even when it feels lonely.
What if we prayed that our lives would be a blessing to God, instead of asking Him to bless us.
What if we want a husband, what if we want to be a wife?
Then tell God, and wait patiently
And in the waiting you can remind Him, ask again and revise your help-list 
Making it full of honesty, emotion, and even more questions  - knowing God will provide the answers
Sister, stay focused on God
Make your list about loving Him, serving Him and trusting Him,
Not about a someday human him

God created you beautifully, and uniquely. 
Your life is not an accident, the mistakes, the heart aches, the successes and joys.  
The good He rejoices in, The ugly He redeems.
You are His treasure
Is He yours?
Maybe your purpose is to be a helper, but until that day comes.
Be His daughter
Because that is more than enough.

Share this Post Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Email This Pin This Share on Google Plus Share on Tumblr


Tammy Belau said...

I LOVE your post. That our women would see their identity as being daughters more than anything. We do have roles we fill, and for some of us it is wife. Some of us it is mother. But that is not the only role and it is not the "greatest" role ever. Maybe it's a bit from idolizing Mary and her contribution, but I am so thankful you spoke this truth tonight.
Your God needs to be God. He is the only one who will ever fill that empty void in your heart. And many a husband has become frustrated and exhausted when that expectation is placed upon him, a mere mortal.

I just filled out a self-evaluation for work and your post resonated so well. Evaluating our strengths and weaknesses is difficult but necessary.
(Visiting from FMF at #9 this week)

Jamie Gunn said...

Tammy - so glad you stopped by

Carly said...

Great wisdom here. It is so easy to put the focus on ourselves and what we want, or how society tells us we should be instead of focussing on God and asking what he wants and what would bless him. Visiting from #15 at FMF.

Renee Beste said...

I wouldn't call my list a "husband list" but I did make a list when thinking of dating again after divorce. I made a list of values I wanted my future husband to have, not for any reason other than to stay on track and not let my eyes and heart betray who's I was. I wanted to identify the values God cherishes and I kept my list close by. I referred to it, not to judge a man but to make sure that I wasn't compromising myself because "he looks good, smells good and says all the right things", I wanted to be sure that I was staying the course, that I could stand on my grounded identity in Christ and not waiver when faced with hormones. My list was ridiculously long and it had nothing to do about checking all 40+ values off, it was just for reference. To be sure I stayed the course.

There are so many times that young and old girls compromise who they are because of infatuation. It happens all.the.time. We oversee "little things" because he/she says the right things. Knowing who you are, but better yet, who's you are is imperative to that. If you have to make a list to keep yourself in check... I encourage it.

I also totally agree that no person will EVER fill a hole. We serve an awesome God who fills an infinitely long and hole filled bucket.And I also totally agree that marriage has nothing to do with what the other person will give you. Marriage is about service, selflessness, unconditional love, and a whole lot of forgiveness.

Thanks for sharing your heart Jamie. You are one very wise and God fearing woman. I'm blessed to have you in my life!

Jamie Gunn said...

Renee- I find so much value in your words and the way you live your life shines what's inside your heart. Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience. We all need each other, and God's Word to stay the course. Love you sister!

Lizzy Ainsworth said...

This is very true. I was too young to write a husband list, he showed up on the scene was I was only 14 though we didn't get married till I was nearly 20, but I knew he was it. He had been writing a list though and as he was from a very musical family, put good singer on the list and God said to him that it wasn't important, and I can't sing! Dropping in from 5 minute Friday

Favorite Reflections

  • I've been on a silent journey For a year, I explained the pain and weakness away, it was the gardening or hormones or in my hea...
  • Dear Baby Girl (you're gone) -- You would be five, but your body never was and instead you're just a beautiful soul I don'...
  • The word rolled off her tongue and I was frozen I couldn't have just heard what my brain is telling me I heard Not from her, Beautifu...
  • The house is hurriedly swept, papers stashed, candles that smell of cookies lit, laundry hidden away, dinner inhaled - dishes entombed, and...
  • Being a nurse was always where my heart was set So all the Sunday dinners I missed I can not regret Because caring for others' hurts, ...
  • There's orange shag carpet covering the floor Cards slide across the wooden table as kids make sound effects from behind the couch The...
  • My sweet sisters, You proudly proclaim God as sovereign and Lord and resign to His timing in so much of your life,  But, concer...
  • It's a mindless phrase I pray Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day But today A wife woke up to an empty place in her bed ...
  • To all the Mom's  Sacrifice comes easy at first, it starts with your body and then it's your sleep - until you realize it'...
  • I sat on top of a mountain The majesty of creation stretched before me Pairs of eyes gazed into mine With quivering knees A vulnerable h...