An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What is Heaven?
I need to potty!
And in this instance, mommy, is usually loudly-pronounced MAAAAAAMMMEEEEE.
How far is Memaw's house?
Are we almost there?
I like it when daddy stays all day.
When does daddy get to stay all day?
I miss you when you're gone.
How many is several?
What does appreciate mean?
Thanks for making us dinner.
I spilled my cereal on the floor, and there's milk dripping from the table.
Where are my shoes?
Is my shirt clean?
Jesus died on the cross.
We don't have to die on a cross.
I want to pray.
Can we watch a show?
How many pages of my workbook do I have to do?
Can I play a game on your phone?
I love you.

My darling children, you are both overflowing with questions!
I love watching your eyes a window to the firework show of sparks firing within your minds as you grasp new thoughts, new words and take hold of new responsibility.

And here are my answers -
Heaven is a place more beautiful than we can imagine, where God-Jesus-and the angels live. There we'll get new bodies, ones that will still look like us but better because the new body can not get hurt - no pain - no sadness and no tears to cry. We get to be with Jesus and that will make us so very happy! Your baby sister will be waiting there for us.
Because I said so
About 150 miles, or 2 and one-half hours.
2 hours left, why don't you close your eyes, take a rest and I promise I will wake you when we get there.
I like it when daddy stays all day too!
I miss you too.
More than two
To be thankful
That's okay, just go get a towel and clean it up. Mommy spills sometimes too.
I don't know, where did you put them last? Let's go look
Sorry, still in the laundry
YEP, That's right
No, you're right. Jesus died on the cross for us, so we could be saved and one-day go to live in Heaven. And this will sometimes prompt another discussion on Heaven.
Ok, Charlie you go first and then Ethan
A short one
How many do you want to do? I think 3 is a good number.
No, not right now

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

They are both obvious and obscure
An unchanging-blot, marking us both inside and out
A forever reminder;
On the outside...
*of how our belly's stretched to carry and nourish a growing baby.
*of a first bike ride or a clumsy miss-step.
*of the mole that ended up being benign
*of the fence we didn't quite clear or the knife that we shouldn't have been whittling with
*of the belly-button ring dad never wanted us to get anyway
*of how our chin hit the table, how our teeth penetrated our skin, or how the blade shot through our thumb
Our wounds heal from the inside out. It's a patchwork process that begins from within the deepest part of the injury; slowly our outside is knitted back together- protecting our inside from infection, pain and further injury.
And when we're whole again, we're find our whole is different than it once was; changed and marked. By a patch of thick, often numb, pale tissue.

Internal injuries scar us just the same...except it's our heart, or decision-making process that suffers the marked change.
*it's the miscarriage that makes us question, should we try for more children - and although we don't make the final decision because of the loss, the sting of the pain, the numbness that temporarily replaces it until you can eventually cope forever effect you. We can't pretend it didn't happen, We can't forget, so we adapt - take time and let it heal, and as we heal we scar.
*or the poor-choices made in the name of independence as a teen, and the regret of my sinful-hypocritical years age 17 to 19 - yet, as much as I wish I could rewind and delete those two-year, I can't. So, I press-on, in the hope that I will live many more years sanctified by His grace. And I'm humbled when I think of the wounds, the blood and the pain endured so I can be forgiven and right with God. Because of me...He is forever scarred.

And so as we live life; we get our feet dirty, we scrape our knees, we pierce our heart, and we get our feelings crushed. Our wounds slowly close leaving us scarred, and changed, but healed and living.
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Truth Is...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I turned 28 this year.
I'm not a "runner", but I ran 5 miles today.
I am a size XXX (Just kidding- not posting for the world to read), I'll let you know when I'm back in a size 10!
It was a really good day, the kind that makes me happy to be a mom, a wife, a friend, and forgiven.
I have three cavities (blah).
The world doesn't tell the truth (very often).
I need to remind myself what's true.
I am beautiful.
The inside of me is just as much a work-in-progress as the outside.
AND That's okay.
No one is perfect.
I'm really happy for Jonas.
I am so thankful for Jacob, and watching him do the dishes makes me smile.
I am blessed with great friends.
I miss Josh and Abbey.
I was raised in a wonderful family, and they're still wonderful.
No family is perfect, and I can not expect to have the first.
There's a small part of me that's dysfunctional and dramatic.
It's only a small part.
I'm forgiven.
I didn't read my Bible today.
I need to spend more time in the Word.
I want to know my Savior more, so I can be more like Him.
I've felt pain.
Today I'm filled with joy and contentment.
I look forward to meeting my baby-girl in heaven someday.
I cherish the children who are here on this earth with me.
Something we need more of.
I'm smiling and I hope you are too.
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