An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts

Where are you? I'm here...

Tuesday, October 28, 2014


Chalk scrapped across the worn blackboard
Well loved and used, shaded in un-erasable pale hues 
Flowers towered as giants reaching up to a stretching sun cloaked in wispy clouds 
And stick figures held hands under rainbows
As the white-bearded man strummed his guitar


Without thought I scribbled in fun
"We were here"
Dusty fingers wrapped themselves in his
As particles of chalk danced in our space 
Those three words hung heavy 





Because being present matters
Moments lived and savored 
Or lost
Time speaks 
It speaks in seconds spent, minutes passed, and hours given 
Values and heart shouted in the void of now


Everyday we get 86,400 seconds

I get 86,400 seconds
Not because I deserve them 
But because I'm gifted them
They can't be stock piled but they can be wasted
And I get to choose 
We get to choose


Will I spend them being present?
And what will will those seconds say about me?
How will you spend them?
What does your time say about you?




In memories, and moments shared and dusty chalk board drawings
I hope when all my seconds are spent and my time speaks it will say;  I loved, with everything I had to give, I loved and I loved well, 
That people matter, that Faith sustains, that Hope makes alive and that Worship is living.  

I hope it shouts I choose well, and that "I was here"

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Beautiful transformation

Thursday, October 23, 2014



Suppressed by summer and sun
Lying just beneath the surface of green
Color,
Life, awaiting transformation

But change is hard

Summer slips into fall
The sun wains and the green fades
Color
Life, transforming

And change happens

Without consent or control
Life transforms
Choices have a ripple effect
And you get affected
Kids grow
Friends move
Life happens

Transformation feels like fall
The shades of life exposed
Color
Life is not static, it is not summer or fall
It's seasonal
And
There is beauty in the transformation

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What! You too? Friendship

Friday, October 10, 2014

Third grade in a single file line we walked, feet shuffling, emotions unsure
Waiting for the bomb threat all-clear 
And she asked if I prayed

Sleep-overs, Ace Of Base sing-a-longs, original song writing, and a second house to call my home
 Growing up, growing apart and back together again
Born To Be

Toddlers twisted around legs, babes in our arms
Wading through the emotions; long days, tired days, tantrums, dirty diapers and tears
Being a Mom of 2 under 2 - MOPS

I came with a lists of questions and the reluctant feeling..."I don't want my kids to be weird"
She made coffee, pulled out textbooks, workbooks and we laughed about our shared feeling
Homeschool




Together
All our cares start to not seem so silly, or they're rendered ridiculous
Because we share them
Caring for each other
Bound together in the little things
Ready to face the big ones
Together

Because life is better when you know you're not alone
I can't imagine life without my 
What! You toos?







Linking up with the Five Minute Friday crew
Writing for 5 minutes about one word - CARE 
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Ready for Goodbye

Thursday, September 11, 2014



How do you prepare a heart to ache
Or ready arms for emptiness
Because too soon she will be far away
Her hugs and wild hair
Her silly voice, imagination and spontaneity
Two peas
And she's not ready to go a week without her
I'm not ready 
And so I hold her and we ready 
Ready our hearts 
And whisper what goodbye for now means
While making plans for road trips and Skype dates
Because our readiness doesn't determine how this life goes
Life just goes
And we get to choose how to react
So we look at maps and measure miles in time 
We make plans
And talk about how forever isn't disrupted by distance
But until the day that goodbye is required
Two peas they remain 
Living between make-believe and reality, surrounded by barbies, running with abandon, holding hands, overflowing with passion for everything life and hugging tightly 




Linking Up with Kate Motaung and the Five Minute Friday Writers
Writing for five minutes about one word.
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The day a bomb threat was a good thing

Friday, April 25, 2014


In tidy lines, of marching feet we pace from the building 
Whispers of bombs, panic in their eyes translated in their tone, 
Fearful or oblivious
We sit 
She's the one who asks if anyone prays
And I answer
Rolling rocks between our fingers, sitting on the curb we prayed 
Feeling His presence in her words and in the sun lighting our face
While we wait for the police to give the all-clear
 
And it is, it's all clear.
So, in neat rows we pace back to the plastic seats and wooden desks
Forever connected
Because she asked "if anyone prays"

Connected through bad perms and make-believe
Connected in time spent being kids, and being afraid of the slasher movie at the sleep-over
Connected in our pursuits of shared and opposite things
Connected in awkwardness, first love, heartache and true love
Connected through mistakes, in forgiveness and grace

But
It wasn't our frizzy permed hair, or our chalk families that lived in our Kleenex boxes
It wasn't trips to the park, or finding somewhere to hide out during the movie
It wasn't the way she cheered when I scored a basket, or sat beside me saxophone in hand
It wasn't double dates or seeing each other through boyfriends, and heartache
It wasn't that she introduced me to my husband
It was prayer
The honest, simple prayers of third grade girls that joined our hearts

And though she's now a world away
My heart is still connected to hers
It always will be
Because there was a bomb threat 
And she asked "if anyone prays."



Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker and Five Minute Friday 
Five Minute Friday














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Judgmental Christian

Monday, January 27, 2014

I sat on top of a mountain
The majesty of creation stretched before me
Pairs of eyes gazed into mine
With quivering knees
A vulnerable heart
And a deep breath
I spoke
I spoke of my selfishness, my pride, my hypocrisy, my failures
Sex, Lies, Separation, Pain, Thoughts of suicide
Beside me A guy lost in porn who almost wasted everything for it
Another whose skepticism lead him into a life of alcohol, drugs and alienation
Beside them
A girl who couldn't accept her body, abused it, and denied real love
Another who masqueraded different version of self to be anyone, anywhere, fake and fractured

 All of us common
 Sharing in our selfishness
Our need for more
Lost in the lifestyles we'd fashioned
Tired And Overcome
We were lost
And in need
Ready to be found
Courageously laying ourselves down
We found freedom in surrender
Truth
Healing
Redemption
Completion
Love
Assurance
And Life

Those eyes that looked into our souls
Those ears that heard our stories
All attached to Christian

Do you know what their response was?
Open arms,
Welcoming us
As sisters and brothers
People with faults
But faults that don't define us
Or dictate our decisions any longer

And my response
Everyday I wake up next to that guy who struggled with porn and we live life together
Unencumbered by our past mistakes,
Not perfect but forgiven
And surrendered to a plan and choices that are greater than we could have imagined
The skeptic we welcome in our home every week
With perspective and patience he is a role model for our son, and teaches him guitar too
The girl who abused her body I call my mentor, and prayer warrior
The fake is my friend, She's whole and 100% herself unwavering





















There is no judgement
Only the realization that our choices define us
And when you choose Christ
His love and forgiveness redeem all that you once were
And He is our definition
The ultimate filter for all choices

Who did Jesus love?
What did Jesus say?
How did Jesus live?

Jesus did not leave us a relative or changing truth
He left us a definitive truth
A rock we can build our lives on
And sometimes that means standing up for the things Jesus said
Living differently because that's how Jesus lived
Loving the unloveable because that's who Jesus loved
Being faithful and honest when politically correct would be easier and more accepted

So when you get to the end of yourself and you realize it's empty
When you're tired.
When you're ready
Ready to feel,
Ready to be heard,
Ready to belong,
Ready to be welcomed,
Ready to have peace
Ready to build your life on an immovable foundation

He is waiting
And I'll welcome you
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Let's Pretend

Thursday, July 25, 2013

All my imagination was focused on being a grown up
The details didn't matter
Pillows and blankets, dirty feet, a blank slate of wood high up in a tree
Growing up
Seemed glamorous

But tonight surrounded by decisions that will shape E & C, budget constraints, amidst a scattered mess of needs-to-be-filed papers, princess dresses and throw pillows
Being grown up isn't glamorous
It's messy, and overwhelming

Pretending I'm back in the tree house, with my best friend and make-believe family won't take away my responsibilities or show me the future of my children.
Messy or not - trying or easy
I'm grown up
The thing I longed to be all my life

And just like HE was there when I imagined away my childhood
HE is here to walk me through being a grown up
HE knows the outcome
Little does HE care about the mess as long as my character is true
And if feeling overwhelmed, it's because I haven't relinquished my cares to HIM

So I don't have to pretend I have it all together
I'm just a girl, a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend
Who doesn't have it all figured out
But I've got a GOD who does
And I can grown in that...

For the love of messes that don't change your character, being responsible, trusting God, and not having it all figured out,
ME








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Over a morning cup

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I sat
People watching
Eves dropping
And savoring
My 4 shot americano
With cream
It's grey
Remnants of fall cling to the brown branches
Christmas tunes fill the space between conversation
My pumpkin scone crumbles
I press the crumbs to form an acceptable sized bite
And just sit
Still
Peaceful
Thankful
For the little things;
Playful text messages
A hope for snow
Songs of strength
Sung in sincerity
By two pure hearts
With faith
Curiosity
Car rides
And time
Time for coffee
Talking
Friendship
And
Love
And I took another sip
Whispering my prayers
Of thanksgiving
In my unworthiness
Knowing He is good
I am forgiven
And
For now
Life
Is
Good

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Words of a memory for A.D.R.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Times tables
Sock eraser
Chalk
And kleenex box friends

Bad perms
Bomb threats
Single file walks
And prayer

Basketball
Slumber parties
Nightmares
And scary movies

FCCLA
Elf costumes
Presentations
And dreams in San Diego


Blond streaks and red turned purple
Trendy cuts
Dance moves
And dresses


Locker partners
Cheerleader and jock
First loves
And first heart aches

Falling away
Repentance
Renewed commitment
And accountability

Grey and Purple
Student IDs
Wildcat games
And husband introduction

Campbell's chicken and rice
Maid of honor
Shopping
And Fire safety

Trips to the mall
M&M Blizzards
Scripture study
And lifegroup

His first marriage choice
Her first prophecy
Writing
And new phases of life

I don't remember every wanting a sister

But for as long as I can remember I've had you
Maybe that's why

For the love of memories made with you A.D.R. (soon to be ADD), new chapters, husbands, adventures and the hope which brings joy of sharing eternity,
Me 
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A real life kind of friend

Monday, May 7, 2012

Coffee shared amidst laundry piles and breakfast dishes
Make-up optional
And honesty without risk
Carts carrying groceries or Target steals
A second mom to my kids, always on-call
Rummaging through clearance, shopping and saving
Ethnic food Groupons, dinners shared at home too
Talking and texting
Washing dishes and wiping noses
Accessories and heels or gym clothes and Nike's
My sister's in Christ  - Life's better living it with you

For the love of MOPS who brought us together so many years ago, being friends in the mess of life, a belated birthday post, and You MG,
Me
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Comfort

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The taste of salty tears,
Uninhibited they fall from eyes long too dry, like a flood washing over parched soil.
The pain of loss resurfaces,
The sting of grief,
The absence of control.
Her face imagined, a dream seared into your memory
The perfect pieces of you and him making her all her own,
But it is only a dream.
Your earthly eyes won't lock with hers,
Arms empty, they will not cradle her here.
A barrenness, filled only by hope.

A shapeless supple sweatshirt.
Bagels and cream cheese.
Heavy card stock and creased letters in envelopes sealed.
Words of comfort, shared sorrow and strength emotionally penned.
Chocolate, dark chocolate.
Slack cotton tank-tops.
A cocoon of covers pulled up to your nose.
Tea and honey.
Coffee with cream.
The contagious laughter of children, and make-believe.
Cupcakes and birthday parties.
Slippers that leave soft fuzzy residue between toes.
Life.
The encompassing warmth of loves embrace.
The silence of friends,
The conversation of friends.
A deep breath bringing renewal, like a blanket of snow brightening the barren ground.
Time
Prayer
Time

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all our comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3

For the Love of comfort; found in faith, cards, chocolate, tears, deep breaths, and for the compassion of an unchanging God,
Me
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[Dear Self] When You're 30 Edition

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

People assume you're responsibly awake and start your day before 7am.
You will get texts wishing you a Happiest of Days starting at 6:30.
Your dad will apologize for waking you up with his call, and emphasize that he did purposely wait "a while" before calling!
Your mom will visit; take you shopping and out to eat, 
You'll talk like friends and soak up the time.
The crab cakes, seared tuna-salad, and ice tea will leave you full and you'll forgo dessert 
What?  
Yep, no dessert.
You'll shop for sales, even though your birthday cash is taunting, begging to burn a hole in your pocket, and 6 days later you'll still have cash to spend. 
The gifts of time and thoughtfulness will be your favorites; 
A homemade card that reads "I love you very much, your just SO old I can't believe your 30 and Awesome" - Ethan.
Coffee and time stolen away while children attend school.
Jewelry that looks just like me.
To end the night you won't attend an elaborate surprise party (cause that not your husband's style),  
But you will be surprised,
And you'll celebrate with family and friends from far and near via video.
You'll cry and roll with laughter as your watch and listen to the singing of happy birthday, 
and memories recounted in both words and acting.
You'll find out that cake, candy and cooking are what some people love most about you. 
Compliments roll off Charlie's tongue and Ethan wants to go on Wipe Out to win you 50,000 dollars.
You'll rewind and re-watch your nephews- songs, "I love you" proclamations, and silly faces.
Most of all you'll be humbled, and honored to be called a Christ follower, a good mom, and great friend among other things.
The words of love, praise and encouragement from those who mean so much to you will overflow your cup already so full and continue to echo in your mind building you up and reminding you keep being YOU.

For the love of turning 30, laughter, tears, shopping, coffee and expressions of love
Me
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With every breath I take

Thursday, January 19, 2012

A red satin pillow cradled her head
Frazzled hair, uncommonly framed her face
Hands caressed her
Lips kissed her

Memories whispered, and laughed aloud
Dr Pepper
Solitaire
Back scratches
Cigarettes and soap operas
The Eagles club
Missing the love of one gone before
Beauty salons and pedicures
Tidiness
Laundry
Love expressed in kisses and word games

Permission granted to rest
Petition lifted for peace
Her breath wained and the color drained from her lips
Tear stained cheeks rested on her chest until her heart was heard no more
And they said goodbye.

For all the stars in the sky, all the sand on the shore nothing was greater than with every breath I take.
And she loved them with every breath, until the last.
They love her still - with every breath they take.
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Miles later

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A friendship 29 years in the making.
Good times
Not so good times
Both Inseperable and Seperate
Yet, here we are...focused on one goal
Making it to heaven and raising our families to get there too
And in the mean time...
Staying healthy and thanking God for His provision in our lives until we get those unperishable and perfect bodies!


For the Love of being friends (again and forever!), and running 13.1 miles together,
Me
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2010 Thanksgiving Edition

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I am thankful :

For a God who gives me grace, strength during trial and a cup over-flowing with blessings
For a husband who reads over my shoulder while I blog, makes me cry with his hug of love and care, then makes me laugh by spouting off different "words" we could make with only 4 our of the 5 letters of P-E-A-C-E.
For a son that still wants to hold my hand and lets me hold him tight; whose mind is sharp and heart is soft.
For a daughter who challenges me to be more fun and spontaneous; whose passion is intense and imagination larger than life.
For a mom who's grown to be my friend; and who wasn't afraid to not be a friend when that's what I needed.
For the big hugs and random shoulder squeezes from a dad whose love language is time and touch.
For a brother that's honest and realistic and who rules both the office and play time.
For a  sister-in-law that's an amazing mom, aunt and best friend; whose contentment and ease of spirit encourages me to grow.
For a brother I can mentor as he opens himself; who shares his heart, his failures and his joy (I'm so proud of him).
For a girl who's my sister in Christ, who's laughter and faith has brought joy and strength to my afore mentioned brother (I hope to call you sister someday!)
For a best friend who has always been there; and whose prayer and accountability mean the world to me.
For a second family who shares life with us; whose children are as dear to me as my own; and whose friendship is unlike any other and irreplaceable.
For a life group made up of friends who encourage me in the word as we walk in the world.

I'm thankful for our home, a full fridge, cars to get us from here to there, but a life full of "stuff" would be empty without relationship.  Relationship with God, family and friends.
And so while I'm blessed with lots of stuff, mostly it's the people and my God for who I give thanks!
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Just another manic

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tuesday?
No, That's not how it goes.
I need a creative day
I'd like to put my playlist on shuffle, pick out photos to edit-print-and fill up the frames cluttering my bedroom floor, I'd like to write an amazing blog about Sunday's sermon and how I balled to Toby Mac's "Loose your way" while car dancing,fist pumping, and singing at the top of my lungs with Ethan and Charlie
Instead I made microwave cinnamon-sugar oatmeal and toast
Cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher and
Put dishes away from the clean side of the sink
I polished off yesterday's pot of coffee with extra hazelnut creamer (because the coffee was a tad strong - it was from yesterday)
I swept and swiffered the upstairs floors
I'm in the process of making rye bread (a first)
And I have a date to make peanut butter cookies with my favorite sous-chefs after Max and Ruby
I need to work on the October budget, but I'll probably hang out with a friend and her kids instead (and I'm not even a little bit sad about that trade of events!)
The photos can wait - and I'm sure my sous-chefs would love a little baking music

For the love of toast, little helpers, daily tasks and a life simply lived
Me
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G-fam

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I was blessed with a "second-family" as a child
And again as an adult
Their friends, but ones who we grow beside
Whole family growth
This was a G-family filled weekend
We've been missing them since school started
I can't believe our kids are in school
And that this week my oldest turns 5
5!

For the love of second families, aging, ear piercing and a cup-runneth over blessed weekend
Me
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To whom it may concern,

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I know this girl...
Who:
Loves the Lord, and knows the Word ("knows" it, like can quote me the passage from Psalms that she's been praying for me)--amazing
She makes me smile, makes me laugh, gives the best hugs and loves my kids
Lord of the Rings is her favorite
She's way smart, but not weird smart (you know there's a difference)
Is beautiful but never flaunts it (and the Gazelle is her regular form of exercise)
She:
Deserves the best, and
Is a life long friend


With her :
You can bank on owning a dog (specifically a lab)
-- or maybe you already have one?
Snow skiing would be a favorite vaca
Eating out is built into the budget (but who doesn't' love to eat out)
-- maybe you can cook?
You'll have your own live-in nurse and therapist
Whole Foods will be your grocery source
You will never lack for hand-sanitizer (let's face it, it is a germy world)
-- agree?
You get a prayer warrior and a cheerleader
Organic is a way of life, until you drive past a Dairy Queen
Art is both a hobby and a source of income (happy to be her first paying customer)
-- what's your hobby?
Your heart will be full
And while we all know the perfect girl doesn't exist, maybe she's perfect for you!
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Eggs etc.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Remember the movie Run Away Bride?
She kept running because, turns out she didn't know who she really was
I was that girl -
the one that wanted the brand name clothes so I'd be the same as you
and the one who liked the music on your radio, because it was yours
and the one who compromised
and the one who lost her way

But I'm not that girl anymore
And most of it started when I met him - my tall-skinny, dark haired-brown eyed, knight in shining armour who also doubled for court jester
Simply because, he liked me just the way I was
And he still does...

It just feels really great to be me
I'm far from perfect
But I'm forgiven
And although I haven't run (okay lets face it an 11 min mile isn't really running)
So, I haven't jogged in over 4 weeks, my weight's still down AND
I can squeeze into my skinny jeans - the only problem with squeezing is the muffin top that squishes out the top
Jacob says the top of the muffin is the best part...
I put the jeans back into the closet!
I love being a mom, and my kids make me smile as well as prematurely gray
I have great friends
My family is amazing and I love them
Sometimes I say awesome with a very non-awesome connotation
I miss Josh and Abbey
Coffee is best with conversation; and Starbucks, although over-priced, is my favorite
My spaghetti sauce comes from a jar and the brand is Classico
I wish Extra still made the Winter fresh flavor, but Cobalt is a fare substitute
Buying in bulk at Sam's doesn't always save me $ (did you know chocolate raisins come in bulk?)
I'm so excited for Jonas and Megan, awe love!
Redecorating our house has been so much fun, just wish the budget was unlimited
Can't wait to hang my new art-work in my refurbished rooms
I'm praying for this girl
I like my eggs scrambled, just slightly overcooked so they're not watery with lots of salt topped with sharp cheddar cheese, AND over-medium, AND as a veggie omelet, AND as an egg sandwich (whole wheat toast- american cheese and mustard), BUT NOT covered in hollandase.

Not everyday feels this good to be me
But I'm glad today does!

--How do you take your eggs?
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Break out the Crystal

Friday, July 9, 2010

We did...



And then we crowded around our dinner table
We rejoiced in friendships, and God while wiping the BBQ sauce from our chins
As the 'Smokin'-Gunn' rib bones piled up we shared proposal stories
And heart wrenching prayer request, along side uplifting praises and baby news
We licked our fingers clean, and "did" the dishes via a Glad trash bag

So break out the Styrofoam "china"
Buy a box of "crystal"
Take time to love and enjoy the ones you love
The ones you've been blessed with
Hug them and Kiss them, well some of them!
Don't take a second for granted
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Favorite Reflections