Why I Care...

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord...But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.

- Jeremiah 17:5&7

 
Rummaging through a box of high school memories I found a paper I wrote 13 years ago
A paper on beauty
Beauty that is more than skin deep
Beauty that radiates from the inside-out

I've been trying to reconcile within me
The girl who wrote that,
The girl that knew the truth,
But acted as
A girl who did not believe it.

The one too self-conscious to take a compliment
The one who always wanted a boyfriend
And settled for less than God's best
It was a slow, progressive stripping of beauty

One, seemingly insignificant, compromise
Leading to life compromises
Lying
Shame

Frozen, by the fear of being unforgivable
Polluted by the world
A white washed tomb
Holding only to a form of godliness

It was a slow walk into the darkness
But there I was
My light, just a flicker
Blinded

Ugly
Duplicitous
Hypocrite
But conscious stricken

Yet, when confession lead to disappointment
It was hard to believe in forgiveness
And
The fading continued

Compromises have consequences
Painful consequences
Alienating consequences
And eventually, the pain took over

Like a bad dream
I had taken something beautiful
And wasted it

So I lay on sunflowers
Surrounded by pills
A utility knife
And contemplated

When a knock interrupted my thoughts
She came to say she was thinking of me
We sat outside
I lied and said I was "fine"

I remember it was windy, or cold
Or maybe it was me
Maybe I was cold
Tossed and void

She said she was praying for me
We said goodbye
I closed the door
And washed my soul in tears

That was the beginning of a renewed belief
Belief in forgiveness
A personalized faith
Redemption
Relationship
Beauty
God

And a new walk
This time, out of the darkness
Many steps to take
But steps, I would not take alone

Steps into life
Life that lasts
Life that is meaningful
Still sometimes messy
But full of grace
And everyday redemption

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the dessert and streams in the wasteland."
- Isaiah 43:18-19


 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone the new has come!
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:3

He took the ugly
Gave it purpose
And set in my heart - an aching for those fighting through the darkness
All for His glory
I Care
Because He cares
And He calls me too