An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

A Thanksgiving Poem

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Fall hues lie in scattered piles, 
Littering the ground like dirty clothes carelessly dropped after a season of wearing
And naked arms stretch to the sky
Proclaiming time
Time passed, time ticking, and time today
A banner of thanks
Moments to give, to hear, to wait, to go
A season to relinquish, to reflect, to relish
Arms raised to the sky, proclaiming the grace of time 
And the goodness that's hidden within every season, every moment, and every calling 
Even when it feels like falling leaves
Because He beckons 
In the uncertainty
In the planning
In the joy
In the triumph
In the falling
In the waiting 
The beat of our hearts drum His timing
And the whole of our purpose, our thanks, is tangled in the little things
Eyes that behold light through the dark
Feet that step in faith 
Lips that whisper "less of me" and kiss away the fears of tomorrow
Arms that raise in surrender
And fingers that lock in unity

So I raise this life, this season, this time
A banner of thanks
Because a life of thanks gives way to purpose, brings light, renews faith, erases fear, frees the soul and offers peace.
And we're all called to thanksgiving

 - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

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Last Words

Friday, November 14, 2014

When skin and bones conceal a heart that refuses to beat, and you lay me in a box
I pray you'll still feel my love, see my smile, hear my voice and remember the pouring out of my soul
But if my voice could resonate just once more, sound penetrating heart
I would say...

You are beautiful,
You are smart,
And so deeply loved
There is a purpose for your life
And even this pain
It's okay to not understand
Ask, Question
Just don't let the not knowing paralyze you
Seek - because God is real and He wants you to know Him
He chooses you, He is pursuing you
Questions and all
Be sad, but don't let sad steal your hope
Let hope hug away the hurt and love lead you
I may feel gone, but really I'm just waiting
And where I am - I want you to be there too
There is life after death
But don't wait to live
And don't confuse living with looking like everyone else or fitting in
Full life now
Is not trying harder, working more, or acquiring stuff
It's surrender
Allowing Jesus to be all that He his, and give you all He has to give - not someday but right now
Peace, Love, Forgiveness, Identity, Connection, Purpose, Assurance, Knowledge, Healing, Hope, Strength
We all have faith in something
The face we see in the mirror, Wealth, Power, Government, Others
We all become slaves to something
Emotion, Expectation, Money, Pride, Entertainment, Self, Comfort
God - He is a good master, faithful and unchanging
And He offers freedom
There is an unimaginable, amazing plan for your life
Don't waste your life planning
Instead live
And be intentional
All your choices matter, even the little ones
Choose wisely
But don't be afraid
Because GRACE is bigger than any misstep
Every misstep
And God doesn't want your good
He wants your all

We all have a expiration date, we're all dying
But until then - we get to live for what matters
Moments that add up to eternity
When your life is reduced to the shell of humanity
And they put you inside a box
What do you want the living to know - what would you say?

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On Strippers and Parenting

Sunday, November 9, 2014

"Hey Mom, What's a strip club?"
He's nine
And holding a political ad in his hands
I hold my breath
But his brown eyes don't turn away from mine
And I'm forced to breathe
The condemnation of this printed trash, circulated as informative, will have to wait because he needs me to answer

How do you describe a strip club to a nine year old?

The darkness of it all weighs on my heart
Women reduced to waist lines, and boobs
Shadowed rooms filled with wanting eyes and empty hearts
Lust overtaking reason and emptying the humanity out of humans
But I simply say
A place where people pay to go and watch other people take off their clothes
His nose wrinkles with disgust and confusion
And I hang on for the next set of questions
Because they come
As do the replies, clarifying as nonchalantly as possible - imagining the topic is lego cities and pokemon cards instead of strippers and lust and sex and the hollowness that's left when we cease to see each other for all that we were created for
But as a child's little hand is lovingly swallowed into that of his mothers - Whispered prayers envelop my words until all the questions are exhausted

I hated every minute of it

Except I didn't
Because he came to me,
He was comfortable, he was patient and inquisitive
He listened and processed and trusted

I didn't hate that he chose to ask
Or that I got to answer
These unplanned, vulnerable, entangled moments are worth wading through, praying over and talking about
Because there will be a next time
And I want him to ask

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