An honest reflection of me- in fragments. Imperfect- Grace Covered. Balance. Mom. Wife.
Nurse. Homeschool Teacher. Christ follower first. Second changes. Thankful.

Rollercoaster

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Your heart accelertates and stomach churns with anticipation of the impending ride. Trudgingly the coaster climbs, and climbs - you know what's coming, you can't go back. Strapped in and clenching the arm bars you surrender to the ride. The coaster peaks but swiftly plummets to the valley, and before you can fathom the valley you are again at the peak. Again the peak breaks to the valley, upside down you are twisted and bowed under the pressure of the ride. Then it ends. Screatching to a hault, we get off the ride, gain our bearings, and recover.
Why is it we compare life to a rollercoaster ride?
Because sometimes it is...

Novemeber 2008 - Elation. The blessing of a third child is given.

December 2008 - Determination. Despite complications we are optomistic, prayerful and disclose details with our friends and family.

Janurary 2009 - Grief. Pain. Miscarriage and a required surgical procedure to remove the baby from my body. Anger. Depression. Acceptance. Anger.

February 2009 - Age. Another year older. Acceptance again, as we discover the reason for the miscarriage - Turner's Syndrome.

March 2009 - Happiness. Thankful. I have two beautiful, healthy children. And our lost-baby girl is not lost, she is waiting for us in Heaven, in the glorious care of God.

April 2009 - Recovery. Slowly the broken-piece of my heart is mended, my stomach settles into the cavity in which it belongs, I breathe in air and wait for the next ride to begin.
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Charlie's umbrella

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"Brum-yella" "Princess brum-yella"

That's all, I just wanted to remember how she enunciated umbrella.
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Ethan's goodnight

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

First a story then a prayer....as best I can remember Ethan's goodnight tonight

"Mom, I'm going to tell you a story"
"I fell into a hole, and I was all alone, no friends, no family - just me"
"And then I called for help"
"I called for Jesus, and he gave life"
"He helped me out of the hole"

"Dear God please send Jesus to be with me-Jesus name amen"

Sweet Ethan I love you!
---Thank you God, maybe, just maybe I'm doing something right. Please reveal yourself to my children, help me to open their eyes to YOU, and bless their lives that they may grow to be faithful to You and desire an authentic relationship with You--
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My husband...

ME Lately...
Overwhelmed
Inadequate
Verbally unexpressive
Tired

JACOB
Patient
Encouraging
Supportive
Prayerful

Thank you God for creating Jacob for me, and enriching my life with his spirit.
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Laughter

Laughter...
It comes in times of complete joy, and in times of uncertainty.
It comes naturally without effort as a breath filling your lungs.
And yet it can be consciously forced,
A courteousy laugh or a sound in times of apprehension.

How have you laughed today?
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The first of many

Monday, April 27, 2009

My mind wheels...
On the outside the reflection I see is composed, confident and a little tired.
I am an adult, a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a nurse, an auditor, a cook, and a homemaker.
On the inside I struggle to balance all my responsibilities. My tired emotions threaten to overcome me. I am restless. But drama will not reign...I am reminded that the battle is not mine, I am not in control - why do I wrestle when all I really need to do is surrender?
Phillipians 4:12b-13
" I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...I can do all this through him who gives me strength."


- I asked E what he wanted to be when he grew up- his big brown eyes revealed intense thought but he simply replied "I don't want to be anything."
And that's okay for now.

- With sleepy eyes and through a binki C articulately told me "good night princess" as I tucked her in for nap today.
Princess for the day, I'll take it.
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