Today was a normal day

I was imperfect

My kids were imperfect

I walked around Target and Trader Joe's with a sucker stick stuck to my behind

Because it was in the seat of my car

Because the kids put it there 

On purpose

To be funny

Thank you kind, discrete perfect stranger in the TJ's coffee isle 

Thank you for letting me know I had something that looked like a tiny tail glued to the back of my maxi skirt

Thank you for smiling shyly

Thank you for withholding judgment as I peeled the orange stickiness off my backside and placed the stick-remains into my purse

It's okay for you to laugh 

It took me sometime to get to the point of laughter 

But I'm there...

Laughing 

Laughing at myself

Thinking I'm fooling the world with my tamed curls, in my skirt that makes me appear put together but feels like sweat pants

Laughing at myself

Thinking I'm winning mom of the day awards in the minds of complete strangers as I gracefully reign in the spirits of my two kids 

Laughing at myself

Because I am fooling no one but myself.

Truth is, my "I've got this"attitude needed a little humbling

Because

I don't have it all together

I am just a regular mom, with regular kids

Who needs an extraordinary God 

Because "I don't got this"

Moment by moment, 

I am reminded how much I need something, someone, who is so much MORE than me

And moment by moment

This extraordinary God, who doesn't need me, but desperately loves me

Gives me more grace, and displays His power perfectly in my weakness

In. My. Weakness.

Today I set out to mask my weakness

I set out to win the approval of strangers

I walked into the store brave faced, committed to the got-it-together good-girl show 

And He used a sticky, orange, spit out, used up lollipop handle

To remind me 

I'm weak

And it's okay

Because we all are

We are, but He's not

He used that embarrassing moment 

To remind me

It's not the approval of strangers I'm living for

I don't need to look like a good mom

I just need to give my best at being their mom

I don't need to appear put together

I simply need to allow Him to hold me together

I don't need to justify home schooling, or how I socialize my kids, or why we're at TJ's at 2pm

I only need to be faithful to the calling to do it

I don't need to be good

I need to rest in His goodness

I don't need to mask the real me

I unreservedly need to TELL myself the truth

And every once and a while - you just need a really good laugh!

 

Linking up tonight with Katie Motaung and the Five Minute Friday ladies 

On Twitter at the #fmfparty group

Tonight's prompt TELL

Just as I am

 *DISORDER AND I DON'T MIX...ALSO I TEND TO OVERREACT 
Papers haphazardly strewn on the dining room table, dishes from cooking, legos and barbies littering the floors 
It goes something like this... 
I awaken post-night-shift to full afternoon sunlight and the sound of happy kids or mostly happy kids,  My husband, worried that I didn't get enough sleep, tires to coax me to drift off again 
He is wonderful, 
And has kept afore mentioned kids quiet and content with each other while I sleep 
[FYI: I think our kids hit the dad lottery jack-pot] 
But I get up anyway 
My arms hug mini-me and mini-him, but my eyes go straight to the mess 
And then my brain experiences some kind of disorder 
I have both a physical and emotional response to the diorganization that comes with our normal life that surfaces when I'm not a part of it 
After a deep breath, and a little pep-talk - disarming my overreatction I go to "fixing" it 
And remember why I love US 
WE function and work best when we are all present and working together 

 *I LOVE STICKERS 
I am an accidental homeschool mom - 
Figuring it out as I go [but that's just life - isn't it?] 
It wasn't EVER my plan, 
But I think it always was the plan 
The plan for now anyway 
So, in the midst of adjusting, attitudes, success and watching them grow 
I'm doling out stickers whenever a moment presents, often multiple at a time 
And sometimes I even give them to myself 

 *I'M NOT PERFECT 
Wait... What?! 
Yep - I'm flawed 
Irrational 
Swayed by emotion 
Judgmental 
Prideful (I mean what humble person gives themselves stickers) 
Impatient 
Controlling 

 *LISTS ARE FUN TO MAKE 
Even more fun to check off 
Did you see above? 
A LIST of all well, some of my flaws 
To-Do, Menus, Grocery, Lesson Plans, Schedule, Honey-Do, Pros/Cons
You can truly make a list for just about anything 
Fact -- I spent 1.5 hours making a list of possible breakfast/lunch options so the kids could participate in menu planning, and enjoyed every second 
 Silly right? 

For the love of lists, organization, stickers, knowing who and whose I am but not being defined by the little things,
ME

Psalm 139:1&13-14

4 letter words

His confession came unprompted and unbridled
"Mom, Dad - I've been tempted to say bad words at recess"
We braced
"What words buddy?" we asked
Guarded,
"I can't say them" he replied
Finally,
"The d-word and the s-word" was all he could bring himself to say
So we braced again
And pushed
"You have to say the words buddy, so we can talk about it" we prompted
With eyes downcast
His lips formed the word
And just above a whisper
He spoke the first four letter word
"dumb"
We held his hands and he gave up the s-word,
"stupid"
Six letters!
Thank Heaven...
Utter relief
My eyes met J's and
I had to stop myself from giggling
I could breathe again
And we talked about it...
How those are words we never use for people
And how God gave us a brain with an incredible capacity to learn and grow our vocabulary and speak life-giving words

For the Love of  innocence, opportunities for conversation, reflection and the capacity to learn and grow to speak life-giving words, always,
ME

Bustin' out...

There are few embarrassing moments I can remember in my life.

I will remember this moment, age 27, day 10.19.09, place St. Louis airport, terminal E security

The set-up...
Getting dressed this morning for my audit in St.Louis I picked a white long-sleeve shirt, black pants (that fit better than the day I bought them last year - whoo-hoo), and my cropped jean jacket with the big buttons, and my mod-scarf from Jonas.

Dressing with accessories ie: the jacket with the big buttons and scarf is good for my figure, but they're not allowed to be worn through the metal-detector. You know, just in case you're packing guns or bombs or swords in your scarf :) It's just kinda a pain ------ I digress.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 3:30, I rolled-into the terminal at 3:16 . Thankfully the lines weren't too long, but I just happened to pick the one with the "trainee" checking our carry-ons, there were multiple bag rescans. In my rush to remove the afore mentioned jacket with the big buttons, I must have stretched or pulled in an unfamiliar way because, I felt a pop. Mental-panic, my support had snapped. And I just happened to be wearing the padded-bra with front-clasp. So here I stand jacket and scarf-less, deflated with extra padding floating somewhere around my armpits. Without looking suspicious I try and "hold it together" walk through the metal detector, grab my belongings -put on my jacket and button in it up. No time to check out the damage in the bathroom, so I race-walked to the loading ramp, boarded the plane and found my familiar window-seat over the wing.
Chuckling to myself, I shook my head, ate my honey-roasted peanuts and ordered a water from the flight-attendant.

Awesome....

Sundress

Charlie choose a sundress today. A loud yellow hue-with orange daisy print. The color magnifies her beautiful skin-tone and she declared herself a princess.
I coaxed my beautiful girl and mis-matched boy into the stroller for a jog with chocolate milk. They both obliged, I cranked up the ipod and off we went.
Exactly 1 min into the expedition (I know because I was wearing Jacob's timex watch) Charlie's sundress caught the breeze and the drama commenced.
Exclamations of "no, dress-no" tears, whaling and more "no-no" And the wrestling match, Charlie vs. sundress, began the wind grasping the delicate edge of the dress and Charlie pinning it down in frustration.
I received a "look" from observer number-one, as we passed. Mom and toddler, of course her toddler was happily pedaling his 3-wheeler as she talked on the phone.
At mile number-1 (10 min 45 sec - timex watch remember) I probably looked like mom of the year to the woman in her pj's patiently encouraging her dog to poo on the front lawn.
There was a brief reprieve from the whaling at 16 min 28 seconds, which quickly resumed as my pace accelerated down-hill and a breezy gust blew over.
Mile number-2 (19 min and some-odd seconds) I jerked the double-stroller to a halt and threatened "do you want a spanking" Of course her answer was "no" which came out more like "nnnn-oooo." "Then stop throwing a fit" I exclaimed.
For the remainder of our 29 min jog there was peace and quiet - Charlie's hands remained glued to the sundress and Ethan lovingly-tolerated Charlie resting her head on his shoulder.
What else can I say....

Dual-purpose...

It was an hour drive home from Blue Springs in rush-hour traffic. And while Ethan had taken my suggestion to use Dana's bathroom prior to our departure, at approximately I-435 and State Line exit the Crystal-Lite lemonade began to take effect. Ethan informed me he needed to potty - I asked if he could make it home, to which her replied "I want to pee in the grass." I tried to explain the traffic, the lack of available grass, and so grudgingly he replied "I guess".

It was at the painfully slow intersection of State Line and 103rd street when the multiple-glasses of Crystal-Lite lemonade overpowered his little body and the potty-exclamation began to escalate. Turn lane at 103rd street; 3-green lights had passed and still we remained trapped. Anxiously waiting; the whines, proclamations and tears began to flow with great intensity.
Distraction, I thought..."Ethan let's talk about something else, tell me what cars do you see?"
He observed the tightly packed traffic and commented on the "big-truck and named multiple-colors of cars" but it only lasted a few seconds and the whaling began again. I knew an accident was imminent...
So I offered the only other option I had...a chic-fil-a Styrofoam cup - as matter-of-fact as I possibly could I gave the choices "Ethan you can wait till we get home or try and pee in a cup"
"Pee in a cup" was his quick reply.
I gave precise directions- unbuckle the car seat, stand in the floor, now pull your pants down (meanwhile I scooted my driver's seat forward to give him enough room to stand), "here's the cup", point into the cup...thanks to cell-phones most of the drivers near us were too busy talking, texting, etc to notice.
"Here you go mom" Ethan said as he relinquished the pee-filled cup back to me. It looked much like the lemonade I had just discarded out the window. I placed it carefully in the available cup-holder and there it sat, a cup of pee right next to my bottle of smart-water.
Now Ethan was still standing, and we were on the move at this point so I instructed him to return to his seat and secure his buckle to which he commented "because if I don't the police will stop us and take you away to jail"
I giggled, grinned and replied - "something-like that."

And there you have it - a beverage holder and a portable-potty thanks to the folks at Chic-fil-A.