My fingers drum the keys, at a familiar pace
But long overdue
The reflections of my mind pieced together as whispers of emotion in fragmented sentences,
Phrases of love, longing and fleeting time
How the scent of lilacs blooms, on runs in neon shoes
Remind me Mawna's cooking, and Grandpa's weathered hands

Of home
And youth,
And soy beans,
And brothers
And time; unrushed, filled with simple moments.
Fragrantly sweet are the memories triggered by the pale purple bloom of spring.
So, I prod the fire that is my busy life and know there are some irons that need removing
For writing, running, the pursuit of simple moments, love, and relishing childhood with my children are irons I refuse to remove.

Dear Body

It's been 28 years, and we've been through a lot:

I have under-fed and over-exercised you
irrational teen-reflection is my plea
I have over-fed you and while we love dessert - it dosen't love us back
hanging my head in shame
I've skipped out on giving you the exercise you need
lazy
I frequently deprive you of sleep
sorry
You've stretched to nourish and craddle a growing baby
times 2
I'm working on finding balance for us
You're starting to look healthy again
you're welcome
Today you were "noticed" during our jog, while pushing the double stroller filled with 90 pounds of children -ages 4 and 3
And by "noticed" I mean thumbs up x3, goofy grins and cat-calls from convertible-driving-joy-riding teen boys
i laughed out loud
I'm blessed with a husband who loves you and tells me I'm beautiful no matter what shape you're in
he's the best
It's swimsuit season
so here's to salad, protein, low carbs, looking great (again), getting healthy and another 28 years plus
Love
me

PUSH

To go faster
Because you run encouragingly beside me, yet one step ahead
To go father
Because it's the only way to get better
The food away
Because they deserve a healthy mom
Through the emotions
Because eventually it alleviates the pain
Push
Because sometimes it' the only way to keep going
Push
Because even when I don't believe in me, you all do

Oh...and when running watch out for the poo on the sidewalk

Sundress

Charlie choose a sundress today. A loud yellow hue-with orange daisy print. The color magnifies her beautiful skin-tone and she declared herself a princess.
I coaxed my beautiful girl and mis-matched boy into the stroller for a jog with chocolate milk. They both obliged, I cranked up the ipod and off we went.
Exactly 1 min into the expedition (I know because I was wearing Jacob's timex watch) Charlie's sundress caught the breeze and the drama commenced.
Exclamations of "no, dress-no" tears, whaling and more "no-no" And the wrestling match, Charlie vs. sundress, began the wind grasping the delicate edge of the dress and Charlie pinning it down in frustration.
I received a "look" from observer number-one, as we passed. Mom and toddler, of course her toddler was happily pedaling his 3-wheeler as she talked on the phone.
At mile number-1 (10 min 45 sec - timex watch remember) I probably looked like mom of the year to the woman in her pj's patiently encouraging her dog to poo on the front lawn.
There was a brief reprieve from the whaling at 16 min 28 seconds, which quickly resumed as my pace accelerated down-hill and a breezy gust blew over.
Mile number-2 (19 min and some-odd seconds) I jerked the double-stroller to a halt and threatened "do you want a spanking" Of course her answer was "no" which came out more like "nnnn-oooo." "Then stop throwing a fit" I exclaimed.
For the remainder of our 29 min jog there was peace and quiet - Charlie's hands remained glued to the sundress and Ethan lovingly-tolerated Charlie resting her head on his shoulder.
What else can I say....

Running...

It begins with aspiration, and is driven by the notion that this body can be transformed.
My feet pound the concrete, and my legs turn.
My breath labors and quickens.
The boquet of spring is inhaled with every breath, and my breathing slows to enjoy each unique fragrance - Sweet lilac, fresh cut grass, the scent of an elderly gentleman enjoying a pipe on his porch (the kind that reminds me of Uncle Tom).
My shadow vanishes and unites with the darkness.
And distraction, in the form of my "motivational mix", aides my pace.
Rhythm finds each step and suddenly it's almost effortless.
Now I can push - demanding my body to go faster, and farther I press on.
I gain self-control as my mind disciplines my body to act beyond it's presumed "limits".
So, while working on the outside of me the inside is made more beautiful too. I see the ability lying in wait within me to press-on, to discipline myself, and to move outside of my own comfort.
I am both challenged and fortified.

Philippians 3:14 : I press on toward the goal for the prize to which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 9:24b-26 : Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games excerises self-control in all things. They do it to recieve a preishalbe crown, but we do it to gan a crown that lasts forever. Therefore I run in sich a way, as not without aim...I buffet my body and make it my slave.
Philippians 3:12b : I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.