It is their family motto - Be there.

Helpless to change their circumstances,
Vigilant they sat at his bedside.
The earthly tent, that was his body,
Lay tormented, weak, and torn, only a shadow of himself.
The battle for his physical body would soon be lost,
And while a sadness lingers in the room,
There is joy, for his mortality is swallowed up by LIFE.
Through tests, treatments and procedures they lived by faith, not by sight.
He was renewed day by day inwardly though outwardly he was wasting away.
A testament of true faith and eternal perspective.
The Newsboys' lyrics play in my head "No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me"
There was no fear,
None.
And as their cancer-theme song played in the background (Mighty to Save, Michael W. Smith),
I praised God, the provider and sustainer of life for His faithfulness.
I was blessed in the opportunity to serve this family,
And honored to stand as a witness to the hope and joy that lies in death, because of Christ, even when it seems untimely.
Connor wasn't healed while on this earth, but he is whole now.
A victor in death, because he believed in the conqueror of the grave.
And so Connor will Be there.
I look forward to meeting him there someday.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Where There's a Will

There's a way.
Or two ways, rather.
And a choice.

When the will of God doesn't fit your agenda, when it hurts, when you can't make sense of it...
Do you still choose to acknowledge God as;
GOOD  (Psalm 34:8)
JUST (Deuteronomy 32:4)
FAITHFUL (Psalm 57:3 & 10)
FORGIVING (John 3:16-17, 1 John 1:9, Psalm 103:10)
COMPASSIONATE (Lamentations 3:22-23)
HEALER (Psalm 103:2-4, Matthew 4:23-24)
HOLY (Isaiah 55:8-9, Leviticus 11:44a, Revelation 4:8)
MERCIFUL (Micah 7:18, Ephesians 2:4-5)
POWERFUL (Job 38:1-38 & 40:6-9, 2Chronicles 20:6)
PRESENT (Psalm 46:1, Matthew 28:19-20)
And our SUSTAINER (Psalm 55:22)

I lament with friends because it is right before the Lord while pleading for His healing.
I petition in the power of the Spirit for peace, and miracles.
Knowing full well if the desires of my heart are in alignment with His will, He will answer yes to the out-pourings of my heart.
I choose to believe.
Even when it doesn't always make sense.

For the love of truth, faith and a God who answers prayers and has a will for our lives,
Me

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

[Dear Self] When You're 30 Edition

People assume you're responsibly awake and start your day before 7am.

You will get texts wishing you a Happiest of Days starting at 6:30.

Your dad will apologize for waking you up with his call, and emphasize that he did purposely wait "a while" before calling!

Your mom will visit; take you shopping and out to eat, 

You'll talk like friends and soak up the time.

The crab cakes, seared tuna-salad, and ice tea will leave you full and you'll forgo dessert 

What?  

Yep, no dessert.

You'll shop for sales, even though your birthday cash is taunting, begging to burn a hole in your pocket, and 6 days later you'll still have cash to spend. 

The gifts of time and thoughtfulness will be your favorites; 

A homemade card that reads "I love you very much, your just SO old I can't believe your 30 and Awesome" - Ethan.

Coffee and time stolen away while children attend school.

Jewelry that looks just like me.

To end the night you won't attend an elaborate surprise party (cause that not your husband's style),  

But you will be surprised,

And you'll celebrate with family and friends from far and near via video.

You'll cry and roll with laughter as your watch and listen to the singing of happy birthday, 

and memories recounted in both words and acting.

You'll find out that cake, candy and cooking are what some people love most about you. 

Compliments roll off Charlie's tongue and Ethan wants to go on Wipe Out to win you 50,000 dollars.

You'll rewind and re-watch your nephews- songs, "I love you" proclamations, and silly faces.

Most of all you'll be humbled, and honored to be called a Christ follower, a good mom, and great friend among other things.

The words of love, praise and encouragement from those who mean so much to you will overflow your cup already so full and continue to echo in your mind building you up and reminding you keep being YOU.

For the love of turning 30, laughter, tears, shopping, coffee and expressions of love

Me

Revision 3.0

Another day 

Another chance

Everyday I wake, I choose not to waste it.

More time to try, 

Though, I understand it's not ME that accomplishes,

Resting in grace and growing in patience.

More of me to understand while I ponder my reflection,

Beauty from the inside-out- the real definition.

Wrinkles of wisdom, 

Crows feet from reading and prayer.

Laugh lines of true joy, 

Hands weathered by care.

Time to rely more on the One who knows

Even when I don't feel like it

Because in reliance is growth.

So to this year, and for all the revisions to come...

I never imagined 30 would feel so young.

Her hands cradle her cheeks as if she's feeling for something lost in the past, yet her smile is sweet and full of contentment.  From her lips the simple statement said with the ringing of laughter;

"I look in the mirror and think, I don't feel that old." 

-Mawna, 40 years my senior.

While her face may reflect her age, her heart remains young, beautiful, honest, and she overflows with love and contentment. 

Here's hoping I'll be as beautiful as she is too...one day.