Saying No To Good Things

I've started this post about 39 times since April
And I get about this far every time
Because I have a problem (well honestly I have multiple problems, but we'll just focus on this one)
Saying No To Good Things

I'm a yes girl
You're go-to when in a pinch
Just think about asking me and I've probably already volunteered
I've got this over-active servant heart
And my brain hasn't figured out how to regulate the "yes-es" that come out of my mouth
It really needs to
Because when all those yes-es go forth it's my brain and body and soul and husband and kids that suffer

You can only run for so long
Until your body tires, wears, and just can't go anymore
(for me, that's about 3 miles)

But how do you learn how to stop running when all your life your legs have been moving, your hands pumping, and your lips yes-ing
What if the only way to stop is by starting
Starting to say "No"
Even when that No comes as a response to and at the expense of a good thing

Because there are a lot of good things we can throw yes at
But not all good things are right things
There are a lot of ways we can serve
But not all service is becoming

So I asked God what I should do
Because He says He'll answer if we ask
And He did
But I didn't like His answer
So I kept running, yes-ing, wearying, serving out of my own strength

Until...

Like Goliath, struck by a little stone
My life was rocked by the force of a child thrown pebble
And I was forced to stop running
As concussion consumed even the routine of life
Forced to be still,
To savor quiet
Forced to need,
To let go and let in
Forced to ask, receive
And question
Question what deserved a yes, and what was right - not just good

You know what I always wanted to be when I grew up?
A Mom
And now I get to be
But something about being a Mom didn't seem like enough
There's so much good out there to be done
So much hurt and need and empty
And I let just being a Mom feel inadequate

Feelings are terrible dictators
And there is no such thing as just being a Mom

In her voice I hear my purpose
And in his question, affirmation of the answer He gave me months ago
Raise them
Be rested for them
Teach them
Be fully present
Give them your time
Have fun with them
Encourage them
LIVE life with them

So everyday, I awake to their faces, and we don't rush anywhere
I plan our homeschool schedule, and teach them how to live like people who are all on the same team
I teach them about history - so we avoid repeating it
We drink tea, play games, take walks, imagine stories and paint
I teach them about God and other religions
We go grocery shopping, clean toilets, dust counter tops and bake cookies
I teach them the three R's
Because the right thing I need to do right now is to raise them

In their faces there is confirmation
Letting go of good things, that aren't right things - is good
And sometimes, saying no is right

What good thing is it time to let go of?
What's your right thing right now?