Before worse fell, and poorer was a reality,

Before babies stole our sleep, my waist line and our time

Before we knew what it meant to be held and to have

We made a promise 

Unknowing what keeping it would require

You my love are not perfect

And there are days I give you my worst because I'm not perfect either

But you have me, 

And with you I'm better

All the seemingly insignificant little life stuff adds up 

And you keep showing up

Holding me in your actions

Making me smile, opening doors, doing dishes, prioritizing us

I remember the first time sickness stole my decency

And it didn't phase you

You just wanted to make it better

I'm not a very good patient, but you are patient

I didn't understand the depth of love

How it gives, acts, and grows

And I'm learning how to cherish us,

In the quiet, in the dark, in the ordinary and uncertainty, in prayers whispered and dreams shared  

In the middle of tired and routine - How do we keep our promise?

1. Have; have fun, and have each other- at our best, at our worst and in bed

2. Hold hands, eye contact, and on to truth

3. Love with actions; plan date nights, get aways, and do dishes

4. Speak honestly; say what you mean, mean what you say and when it's not "fine" don't sit in silence 

5. Give selflessly; give time, kisses, and without expectation

6. Walk humbly; your needs and feelings above mine, my needs and feeling above yours

7. FORGIVE; most of all this - because no one is perfect

Linking up with the Five Minute Friday writers

Hosted by the lovely Kate Motaung

I'm not okay - and you don't have to be either...

I'm not a perfect wife - I speak when I should just listen, I try to plan and control when I need to just let go
I'm not the Mom they always need me to be - I miss moments when I should cherish them, I get to busy with the everyday and forget their time with me is short, someday I'll want him to talk to me about anything even if that thing is cars or Lego's and I'll want her incessant make-believe ramblings to fill the void of silence, I'm short-tempered and tired
I'm not the best friend - I should write more cards, and remember dates more accurately, I'm good at making coffee but do I listen well and am I what they need?
I'm in love with a God that poured out all so I could know Him, but I'm an imperfect lover - I'm selfish and often stressing and striving when I should be asking and trusting

This place where we rub shoulders and incompletely love each other
It's a mess
There is no perfect marriage, family, friend, mother, daughter or church

But what if we're created for a world that's different?
One stripped of uncertainty, hurt and stress
A place where your Daddy loves you unquestionably and your Mom doesn't fade in death?
A world filled with contentment, joy and fulfillment
A city where friends are real and the incurable is rendered cured
Where trials cease, and brokenness is pieced to perfection

And what if in the mean time - living in this one - we don't have to pretend to be anything we're not?
You don't have to be okay, or fine unless you really are
I can need and you can want
We can be hurting, questioning, and inadequate
We can be a broken vessels, leaking life while trying to live

Because this world is a mess
We are married to imperfect people, friends with the flawed, employees under the incomplete, daughters of deficient parents, and part of churches full of broken people
But, this temporary world, with it's lacking and wearing on your soul
It doesn't have to strip you of life
In the middle of chaos and clutter there is hope
In the middle of dying there is life to be lived, and leaky vessels can be made new

That world, where you belong - it exists
And there is a way
But you don't get there by being better or scraping away the flaws
We start by believing
Acknowledging that we're needy, imperfect, hurting and desperate for hope and re-made relationship
Then we let Him love us
And with all our imperfections we love Him back
With the kind of love that does
While mercy covers all the mistakes and grace makes you new.  Not patched or better, but whole and wholly new

So in the middle of not being okay, because there will still be days when you're not okay
While missing moments, and trying to control and being a lover who is lacking
There's hope and forgiveness and freedom

So let's unite in our lacking, 
Let's make this world a little less okay and a lot more hopeful
Let's be friends who dream together, Mother's who ask for forgiveness, Daughter's and Son's who talk, Wives who listen, Husbands who care, Fathers who protect, God lovers who pour out their all
Let's make church a place where people are free to be broken, needy, hurting, who they are and loved 
Let's love with action
And trust that God is working in our mess
Because we will never be good enough
But HE is and the place we belong is waiting