“There’s everybody else, then there’s you.”

This is my favorite card of all time. 

It’s from my mother-in-law.  

Displayed prominently between the nickel and dime jar on our bookshelves it sits as a constant reminder that it is a great thing to be me.

Sometimes I see the grey, the tangles, the failures and the faults

Sometimes I compare

Sometimes I forget that I’m the only me, on purpose, for a purpose

Sometimes I forget I’m a rainbow.

Incase you needed to hear it today - You are a rainbow. 

It is a great thing to be you.

See the color, the creativity, the strength, the uniqueness.

Don’t waste time comparing, and be kind to yourself.

Because there’s everybody else, then there’s you.

The only you, on purpose, for a purpose.

Eating Disorder [Resources] Survival Kit

You are not alone.  

This war is not yours only to wage.

There are other girls, other boys, other moms,  other dads, other sisters and brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers and friends who have been affected by mental illness.

There is hope.  

You are not alone.  

There is healing.

To read the battle tale of others, and know that the fight is won in the fighting.

There is strength.

Vulnerability of your reality brings love, support and the prayers of many that strengthen on the days you don't have the strength (and there will be days....)

And 

There is power in knowledge.

These resources, while certainly not exhaustive were personally helpful to me.  To grasp even a small understand of the thing we were fighting was immeasurably empowering.  Yes, WE - not him, but US.  

Family Based Therapy or the Maudsley approach encourages all members of the family to fight together each with their own roles and responsibilities - more on that later.

* Holy Bible This book is more than a book to me.  Here I found and find daily strength and encouragement to fight against the spiritual attack that accompanied/accompanies the metabolic crisis and eating disorder diagnosis.  During our two-week hospital stay I read through Ephesians using a Katie Orr FOCUSED 15 bible study.

If you don’t read the bible daily, try starting in Psalms.  David, is the author and a poet (but not the cheesy kind, and seldom does it rhyme).  Found in the middle of the Bible, in this book are details of his everyday emotion ridden walk with God - good, bad and in between.  Stories of belief, doubt, failure, success, fear, courage, anger, love, rebellion, obedience, heart ache, joy and wisdom.    

* Be The Gift, Ann Voskamp.  Ann beautifully crafts her words to be honest, uplifting and challenging simultaneously.  Her book helped to get me out of my own way.  It reminded me our pain is not wasted, and that we can be a gift to others because of it. 

* Brave Girl Eating, Harriet Brown.  I didn’t make it through this book because when I started reading I was too close to the crisis she details.  Author Brown details an honest look at the emotional, physical and familial cost when battling an eating disorder.

* Your Teenager is Not Crazy, Dr. Jeramy Clark & Jerusha Clark.  This book details the chemical and neurological changes that happen from child to teen.  I am still reading it / re-reading it.  This quote from their book prompted me to reach out for help despite my fears. “If you suspect negative body image is beginning to control your sons’s or daughter’s life, don’t wait.  Seek help immediately…” (pg. 259) 

^^^^This is the best advice I can give you, before you order a book, read another blog post or online forum, make the call you've been dreading.  Do not let fear keep you from fighting back against that which is threatening to steal away the mind and body of the one you love. 

* Help Your Teenager Beat An Eating Disorder, James Lock, MD, PhD & Daniel Le Grange, PhD.  Filled with detailed case studies, information about eating disorders and practical ways to take a stand for your teens recovery, this book, written from the medical perspective, empowered me with knowledge and understanding.  I walked away from this book with a healthy fear of anorexia but also the will to beat it.

* Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders.  feast-ed.org  

This website is full of free resources for EVERYONE that an eating disorder touches.  This is the place to gain practical every day advice an wisdom about how to make a plate "magic," craft 600 calorie mashed potatoes, but also reminders and truths about eating disorders.  This is the place for you, but also the place to send grandparents, teachers, friends, and all the support staff that want to understand and help you on the journey.  

BONUS I highly recommend getting yourself a core group of trusted family members and friends who will join you in the battle.  We had a core group of 20-30 people to whom I sent email updates.   These wonderful people committed to pray for us and gave selflessly of their time, money and energy to be our strength and energy when we had none.

Ask me a question....jamie.g4@gmail.com

Need an encouraging word and want to hear more about our story? 

 - Sign up for email updates 

- Follow me on facebook

- And on instagram @jamielgunn posts updated daily [M-F] 

I thought I was a good mom, I thought God was good...then Anorexia happened

This is a face forever altered in wrinkles and worry lines 

These eyes have been bled dry of tears and yet they still cry

This smile is genuine

But these lips have mouthed prayers of confusion and desperation while simultaneously cursing the battle of mental health and eating disorders

*

Before this began

I thought I was a good mom…

*

Before this began

I thought God was good…

*

Mental health battles tear you up from the inside out - they’re gut wrenching, guilt producing, and make you question everything

*

Here’s what I know

You didn’t choose to have an eating disorder

I didn’t give it to you either

Somehow we’re both stuck with it

*

And GOD

“He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE.  Because of the Lord’s great LOVE we are not consumed for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, GREAT is Your Faithfulness oh God.”

Lamentations 3 (selections)

*

God I’m not patient, nor am I used to this dependent waiting

I am learning to trust You with my every moment

That it’s okay to live in the moments

And that to be confused and angry with You is okay too

You can handle my emotion

You don't change, You are not dependent on my feelings 

You are trustworthy

You are faithful

You are good, even when my life is not

*

I am a good mom 

I have a great kid

And God - HE is good

And I watch you watching you

I watch you watching you

Every pane that has a reflection pulls you in to see

It’s probably just a phase, that’s the lie I tell me

But I am afraid

Afraid of the time you take,

Afraid of the control the reflection seems to wield

Afraid, as I watch you watching you

You don’t look at you the way you used to

A quick glance lingers, what thoughts do you think as your eyes strain to see

Mind twisted, distorted reflection

It is the thought, and the obsession

The only reflection you see is lacking

The only words you hear deceiving

We pray and plead and cry and try

With desperation we fight with truth against the lies

And we watch

Watch you watching you

There are days I think you see, days I think you hear, days I think maybe you’re not consumed with with the idea of watching you.  

But the watching days won’t relent, they seem to want to stay

And I fear you’re wasting away

Wasting away as I watch you watching you


Sharing these fragmented words written in real time a year ago in hopes they will bring understanding, encouragement and healing to others who are experiencing or have experienced the same trauma that is a mental illness diagnosis.
You are strong enough.
You can.
You are worth the fight.
You are loved.