These are the [homeschool] lessons I didn't plan

Time
The kind you can't measure with hands on a clock
This time is measured in heart beats and moments
Building an impromptu scale-model of Noah's ark
Laughing together, and at ourselves
Drinking hot tea in the afternoon
Sharing tears and a long hug after eight minutes spent in the corner
Watching him grow to care about her
Watching them become friends
Playing in the rain
Sitting with the sun on our faces doing math or art or just sitting
Realizing I need to be still, and present, and here
Here
For the question I would have missed - but didn't

Arithmetic
The kind you can't make perfect sense of or memorize
This addition is life - relationships, joy and trust
This subtraction is self and all the good things that weren't right things
Because this year was going to be about ME - rest, writing, going to the gym, serving
And then it wasn't
It wasn't about me at all, but about the subtraction of me
Stripping away my ideas, and my plans - replacing them with right ones
Being faithful
Capturing joy
Learning to ask for help
Finding community and being intentional
Trusting
Living authentically - Sharing the best in each other, forgiving the worst
Being faithful with His plan
His timing
His kids

I am certain this is His plan, and what He wants of me, of us
The echos of my pleas resounds in my memory
My defiance, bargaining and uncertainty
Contrasted by His answer, His patience, His faithfulness and His goodness

All these lessons I didn't plan
He planned for me
I am learning
How to be faithful, and joyful, and need Him
How to cherish them
How to embrace the ways they are like me and the ways they are distinct
His quiet determination and concrete deep thinking
Her bold self-confidence and imagination
Learning that's it's okay they see me tired, and messy and real
And
It's okay I need their forgiveness
It's okay for me to need
And to learn
Because
Time, doesn't pause
Second by second, day ticks away into night
And every night into a new day
Until the days blur together and the time is gone
A temporary now
Yet, the more I subtract myself the more I find myself in Him
Real, Renewed, Needing Him
But unexplainably fulfilled
Joy in faithfulness and shepherding and unplanned homeschooling
Hopeful for an eternal someday
Where I won't be a mess,
But where we will still be together
Just better
Understanding each other's hearts
And sharing His

And for now...I get to teach them