August 4th was your due date
If you were anything like your older sister, you would have come on your own terms
But let's face it there can be but ONE Charlie!
I am sure we would not be remodeling...but I am sure I would be decorating, and planning, and baking, and welcoming all the family and friends that would gather to celebrate you!
One year of life
You'd make a great addition to the imaginary world of your brother and sister
And you'd fit smack in the middle of your cousins (although I'm not sure you'd be ready to keep up with the Hurricane)
If I let myself,
I see that day and I can feel it all over again
The panic, the confusion, the disbelief, the pain
My hand squeezes your daddy's
My eyes search the screen for your movement
My ears strain to hear the beat of your heart
And for a second my eyes leave you to scan the face of the technician
And then I do it all over again, because I'm missing it, all of it
You're body is still and your heart is silent
You're gone
And my heart breaks because already I love you, already you're mine
I thought you were mine to keep
But HE had a different plan
You were always HIS, mine only for a few weeks
But you made me stronger, made me trust HIM more
And I know someday you'll welcome me HOME; I can't imagine your face, but I'm sure I'll know it and there HE will keep us both!
I cried for you again today baby girl.
I don't let myself very often.
But today is your day - so for today it's okay.
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3 comments:
You've come a long way... :)
Yes, I have - praise The Lord :)
I was remembering too how you reached out to me afterward and thinking about how much your card meant to me...and realized I've probally never thanked you properly - still not sure that this counts as properly, but thanks it meant a lot!
This is a beautiful post, and you have come so far. I am so very sorry that I didn't realize that today was the day. Sending tons of love.
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