Falling Out Of Love

With him,

I felt more

Wanted more 

Was more

And yet 

I was, completely myself

Without a doubt I loved him

In a whirlwind of words

Distance didn't feel so far

Day slipped into night

Unknown became known 

In Laughter

In Dreams

In Hopes

In Love

But I waited for it to end

Gripped

Bound

Chained 

By insecurities and secrets

Because 

If he knew

He wouldn't want me

I was

Unworthy 

Imperfect

Disgraceful

My insides wrenched with guilt

But I didn't want to hide

Because I loved him

My heart a broken barrier

The words escaped

Hurt abandoned

Secrets unbound

Breath arrested

I waited for him to let me go

But he didn't

Instead "I forgive you" echoed in my ear

And salty tears washed away the overwhelming sense of unwant 

Unchained

Forgiven

Still unworthy and imperfect

But covered in Grace

Covered in Love

It was then I fell out of love

With the idea of "love"

Love is not flowers, and chocolate

A fancy dress, heels and dinner

It is not lust or desire

It's self-less and accepting

It's forgiving, when forgiveness is least deserved

It's kind and humble

It's patient

It protects you, and it's worth protecting

Love it trustworthy and requires your trust

It's fills you with hope and it's hopeful

It's strong

And it perseveres 

Through secrets

Through sin

Through imperfection

Because LOVE - true love - never fails