Being a Parent is Hard

There are nine months of growing pains
And though it's often unrealized in the moment
The uncontrollable changes to your body are just the beginning
The governance you perceived to have
Bends to the realization that you are not in control 

Then they're born 
Or sometimes they're not

And, we fight for control
Because our ideals our dreams are all we've ever tried to see
We wrestle with our sufficiency
We question why
We doubt our dream that once glistened
Now drowned in diapers, and fatigue
Or an empty crib
And our reality is rocked,
Because it's not all that we imagined
Or maybe it is - and so we hold our breath

Then they grow
Or time wanes your emotion from their absence

And still we fight
To protect, and love, and discipline, and inspire, and guide, and encourage
But they need more from us than we can give
And they have their own will
And so
We wrestle
We wrestle with them and with our inadequacies  
We question the love we show, the guidance we give
We doubt our ability to discipline, and encourage and inspire at the same time
Though we try to hold them in our hand closed and safe
Our reality isn't this assured life we pictured
It's fluctuating
Out of our control, they are out of our control

What if there was a better reality
Where the absence of control brought deliverance
And we hold our children or their memory with an open hand
What if we could live in the place of surrender and yield the fight
How would that free us of the guilt we carry for loosing babies
What if we asked for vision instead of imposing our own
What if we quit trying to appear perfect
What if we ask for and accept undeserved forgiveness
What if we allow our best to be good enough, even when it doesn't feel like it
Because
Being a parent is hard
But it's worth it

It's worth every prayer
Every tear
Every sleepless night
Every doubt
Every mistake
Every stretch mark
Every moment of grace
Most of all it's worth trading your near-sighted dream of life
For a vision of grand design, and living surrendered

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" - Matthew 19:14