I take in a deep breath
And close my eyes
Wasn't is just yesterday I held you against my chest
Dozing
In our quiet house
On the green couch
Didn't we just wrestled for control
Itchy tags
Undies and red sweat pants
Weren't you just sitting in the grocery cart
Snacking
Spilling
Whining
Didn't she just get here and make you sad
Wasn't it last night we were too tired
And when you cried
Because of the monsters
We let you sleep with us

It all seems like yesterday
A blink and the years of cuddles fade into watching you walk yourself into school.
You're mine for only God knows how many blinks.
So I'll do my best
To make meaningful memories
To love you in a way you understand
To guide you
And to hold you with an open hand
Trusting
God's plan for your life

For the love of being your mom, drinking in the moments, trust for the future, and memories
ME

Seven

Friday, you turned seven
And
This is what I wrote:













Seven years ago today
It was
wires, tubes
deep breaths
tears
exhaustion, anticipation
pain
and
prayer
Today it's
pancakes, bacon
too much sticky syrup
spills
sister
skipping school
and still
prayer

For the love of enduring fleeting temporary pain, watching you grow, skipping school and birthdays,
ME

Courage

My eyes scanned the words
Full of
Hate
Ignorance
Contempt
And Fear disguised as pride and disdain

As my lips formed each name
I watched his heart break
A role call of the lost

Amidst the blinding fog of hostility
How do you shine
Courage
"For God, who said 'let light shine out of darkness,' made His light to shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." - 2 Corinthians 4:6

When a cloak of slander threatens to envelope
How do you hope
Courage
"'If the world hates you, keep in mind it hated me first...Remember the words I spoke to you; No servant is greater than his master.  If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.'"

As worldly knowledge challenges and confronts
How do you believe
Courage
"Now it is required that those given a trust must prove faithful." 1 Corinthians 4:2

And when the darkness of hate clouds the light
How do you love
Courage
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

It takes no courage to tear down
Belief in inconsistent worldly truth is still faith
There is no risk in fitting-in

Love builds up
Belief in an unchanging truth is a faith that matters
And the risk of giving yourself wholly to something bigger than you
Is worth it

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

"Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you." 1 John 3:13

"Have I not commanded you, Be strong and courageous, do not be discouraged, do not be terrified for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world."1 John 4:4b

"I have told you these things, so in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

For the love of hope, risking it all, standing in love under persecution, my husband, and FCA
Me