While reading an online article I pondered the stated question :
“Would the girl of your youth be happy with the woman you are now”.
The answer is simply yes – Yet, why at times is the woman in me not satisfied with who, where and what I am?

Ecclesiastes wisdom vs. Proverbs wisdom…
“How long, O naive ones, will you love simplicity? ...Turn to my reproof, Behold, I will pour my Spirit out on you; I will make my words known to you.” Proverbs 1:22-23
6 Things the Lord HATES (7 which are an abomination to Him)
Haughty eyes
Lying tongue
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that devises wicked plans
Feet that run rapidly to evil
A false witness who utters lies
One who spreads strife among brothers
Proverbs 6:16-19

I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all this is vanity and striving after wind. What is crooked can not be straightened, and what is lacking cannot be counted.
I set my mind to know wisdom and to know madness and folly; I realized that this also is striving after wind.
I said to myself; com now, I will test you with pleasure. So enjoy yourself. And behold, it too was futility.
I said of laughter, It’s madness, and of pleasure what does it accomplish?
Ecclesiastes 1:14,17 2:1,2

FOR IN MANY DREAMS AND IN MANY WORDS THERE IS EMPTINESS. RATHER, FEAR GOD. Ecclesiastes 5:7

The sting of Solomon’s quest is effortlessly translated through the text. There is pain in the wisdom and way of the world. Did he find any satisfaction? Maybe. Did he experience pleasure? The pleasure was fleeting, but I think he did…However- all knowledge, pleasure, money, works, all that his eyes desired he had. And yet “all was vanity”
Vanity – pride, self-importance, inflated, narcissism, futility, emptiness, hollowness

The life I lead is not glamorous. I close my eyes and my dreams are filled with deceit of the world – these dreams are empty, and fleeting. My eyes open to the day and I realize the truth, this modest and unpretentious life I lead is a blessing.
It is a lie that the world holds more for us than our Creator. The world is hollow, and empty. The world offers to us a life where we become our own God, we inflate our self-image and loose sight of the grandeur of our Creator.

To answer my original question the woman in me will find satisfaction in God. The woman in me will grow to Fear God. He is the only sustainer and I will seek Him. The woman in me is to easily succumb to the lies of the world. But if I fill my heart with the wisdom of God slowly that part of the woman in me dies and I cultivate a woman whom the girl of my youth can truly be proud of. I will be a woman whose nature is like that of her Creator.
An earthly struggle of twilight within me – as the light I pursue begins to cut the darkness of my human-nature. God redeems, I am forgiven and I long for the darkness in me to give way to the light of my Creator.

God, give me the strength to surrender my will. You are God and I am not – forgive my follies and my pretensions. Thank you for the life you’ve blessed me with; may I grow through it in You. God help me to thirst for a relationship with you – may I crave to know your nature, and as I thirst be filled.

Trust

I step out of the boat, and trust in the one my eye beholds
Confidence fades and distractions swell
No longer looking, no longer trusting,
Self-focused and distracted - I'm sinking
Yet, He is there
His hand reaching and his strength lifting
Weightless and Free I can walk on water with Him holding me.

So fast

While standing in the ACE Hardware checkout line we met a sweet old man, tuffs of white hair peeked out from under his cap, and his glasses slid down toward the end of his nose.
You both stood at the trinket-trap that's only feet away from the checkers rummaging through treasures.
You were a little wild, but you stayed close and you made us laugh.
We watched as you rummaged and the old man commented "it goes by so fast"
He reminisced to us about his 5-children and noticing our sled commented on how his children in Dallas had just called and told him about sledding with his grandchildren. He seemed a little sad, but you made him smile.
I watched you holding that orange plastic sled, and the rope we would make a handle from and I remembered the time when I held you.
And it does go by fast, but I'm not sad.
You're too great a gift to waste time wishing you were small again, besides you make me smile too much to be sad.

Love is...

Doing the dishes and making each other laugh
Holding hands and opening car doors
Working hard to make money so we can pay bills
Cooking a special dinner after the kids are asleep
A hug after a spanking
Snuggling on the couch while we watch TV
Watching the snow fall and then sledding in the fresh fluff
Reading on the couch
Praying everynight before you fall asleep
The little things that add up over the course of a day, a week, a month, a year, and then a lifetime
Forgiveness
And a Saviour who endured this world, lived perfectly, then died for me.