Blue and orange pounded the pale grey
My mind wandered as the music played, feet keeping step to the beat
When the fragrance of the flowering bush carried me away.
To another place,
Another time,
When the 10 minutes between Sunday School and Church seemed like hours
Hiding in the thick flowering-bushes, pressing against the brick, avoiding the bees
And in rain, racing sticks
When church was filled with family and those that knew you the same

Then the smell of lighter fluid and burning charcoal pushed me forward
Past the years of silence,
And into the ones where we were friends, but not room-mates
I was sitting in your condo on my couch
Cheif's game playing
Burgers sizzling, Chips crunching,
E napping on your chest
When family was close and they were your best friends

The further I ran the further it slipped away
Pale in comparison to my bright shoes which continued at pace
And my thoughts circled
To this time,
And this place
The sound of his voice reading to their listening ears welcomed me home

I'm the mom, and trying to teach them to be friends
Playing in the yard, racing on the sidewalk, bouncing on the trampoline
Dirty laundry, and an art work cluttered table

Family outside our four is removed,
Distance forcing intention or complacency creating absence
When they prod, and question about a move "home"
It gets under my skin,
Then I take a breath,
Really, I get what they're saying, and that is "I love you, and miss you"
But
That place where they are isn't home anymore
It doesn't mean we don't love each other
Just, that our lives have different places they fit,
Contrasting places we've made into home
And
It's okay
Because we have a forever home
And we will all be there together someday

Right

There was a time 

Arguing and dusty corners went together well

When blankets with chairs for support beams made elaborate tents

And laundry dripped dry while the queen gave orders to her slave boy

And mom, 

She was always there 

Allowing us to be children

Encouraging us to be ourselves

Even if that meant trading her vision of a little girl in pink frilly dresses 

For a tom-boy with tangled curls in pants and t-shirts

Embracing dirty faces, bare feet, make believe and mischief

Providing the blankets and setting up support beams

Cleaning up the messes

Separating and sending fighters to their corners when needed

We were hers 

And when there came a time I questioned her judgement

She would reply

"You'll understand when you have kids someday"

And she was right

About everything

Kids need to be kids

They need to create, imagine and make make messes

Be encouraged to be themselves

They need discipline 

To hear no

And then hear I love you

They need you to be there

And 

I do understand 

I love you mom - Happy Mothers Day

It's Not Fair

Broken hearted
She sobbed
And screamed
Hurling her body to the cold floor
A heap of hysteria
Limp
Cradled by her mother
But refusing comfort

There was nothing more we could do
Our hearts ached for them
We held back tears
We worked tirelessly to give them support, even hope

But, it was her brother
It was their son
And they had to tell him goodbye
They didn't plan on today
And she was right
It wasn't fair

But this life
It's not fair

And I wrestled
If He knit us together in our mothers wombs
Why would He knit in imperfection?
But I felt a peace
And the Word spoke to me
"'For my thought are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways' -declares The Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)
So I praised Him
For being sovereign
Being present
Giving me hope

And I whispered a prayer of comfort for her
Believing that her brother was at peace
Cradled in the arms of Jesus
No more imperfection
But perfectly whole

This life isn't fair
But with Jesus it is worth living
Seeking
Trusting
Obeying
Loving
Praying
Forgiving